Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
I've been having a bit of a meltdown lately. We always talk about addicts needing to 1)stop using 2)get at the underlying issues that make them want to use. I am full of worry that my own insecurities and anxiety/depression are the problem and that I just ruined his life before he was even born by being who I am. I know we all have to get past our parents and while I loved mine I also know that they caused me some pain. It is breaking my heart to think I am his obstacle in life. I poured so much love and effort and even joy into parenting him. But in the end, maybe he never had a chance with me as a mom.
Unless you poured stuff down his throat at a young age, or pushed it in his veins, you did not make the choice to use.
It isn't what happens to us, it is how we handle it....want an example? how many young women, that are abused become hookers and addicts? Lots. But one became OPRAH.
genetically we may pass on predispositions to addiction or anxiety or obesity, or any number of diseases....my maternal grandmother, and my husband's father both had drinking issues. I am sure my grandmother was self medicating for depression and anxiety. she was orphaned by 14 and married by 17...And no...we never told our son about it...we never knew much till he was an alcoholic.
it is so common for us to beat ourselves up. Don't bother. it doesn't help anyone. Think about how much you loved him, and poured that into him. Think about how many good things you did for him. You mean you showed him that you weren't perfect? you weren't a robot able to handle everything?
actually, showing emotions is something good for addicts to learn...they use so they don't feel and show emotions.
i could go on and on. You either need to handle this on your own, or get some counseling on this. You can start by reading the first alanon book...bob's wife...one day she got so mad at him she threw a shoe...they made it sound like she went after him with a knife. so ridiculous....so 50's. but they talk about how we are changed by the drunk...it gave me some insight.
YOU didn't cause it, YOU can't control it and YOU can't cure it. It is not your journey.
Do the serenity prayer.
I wish you peace.