Is he sober?
Some of this could be the immaturity from not growing up while they use...and the only way they get better is to fail forward to success...
I would be concerned about the dishonesty...that is sooooo addict thinking.
So, when you are calm, ask him what is his plan....
Being a mom is not for sissies!

have to admit,, hopin,,, I kind snickered reading your post,,,,, I have a son,, he will be 21,, good kid,, not my addicit,,, he was in school,, not so much for him,, he is more hands on kinda of guy,,, when,,, and I emphazie when he works,, he does construction and landscapping,, and snowblowing,, he works oh about 85 hours a week,,,, when the snow does not fall,,, he pretty much is idle,,, do I place expectations on coming home after work to a clean house,,,, I did,, thinking what the heck does he do all day long,,, well when you place such expectations in your mind,, thats the moment you become let down,,,, so now I'v changed my thinking process,,, without nagging ( because I've learned,, nagging does nothing but,, raise my blood pressure) I write a honey do list,,,, in very postive way,,,,, sometimes it's a bit much,, like really i have to be so greatfull, and thankfull,, that he cleans out the dishwasher, and put the dirty ones in the dishwasher,,,, ugh,, but this method seams to work,,, during his idle time,, of course wheres the money,,,,, ah,, but I came up with a system for that to,,, we have a time card,,, when he does the job,, he gets a pay check,,, because of course you need gas in your car,, to do anything,,, this method again seems to be working,,,, now when I leave the list,, which now includes more and more each week,,, ( and does not seem to bother him,, because I've slowley worked up to more jobs for him,,,ssh,,, we wont tell him),,,,

I guess where I'm going at,,, sometimes we has parents just assume that they will be this perfect child and do things without being told,,, well works in our world,, but in reality,, if we don't set boundaries,, we really cant be mad at the person for taking advantage,, or doing what we in our minds want them to do,,, kinda of like running your businesss out of your home,,, and they become our employees,,,,, of course when he works,, ( all those hours) the scenerio becomes a different set,,,, and therefore, that one is put on hold,,,, Ive learned that if I want peace in my home,,, I must create peace,,,, I'm the captian of my ship,,,, oh trust me there are moments,, when I think,, what the heck,,, where did these children actually come from?!?!?!? of course out of entertainment and probably bad humor,,, I blame that on the "other side of the family"

progress my love not perfection,,,,, we can only place those expectations on ourselves,,,

love ya

oh and the lying bit,, from an addict,, yes I would be concerned,, but there were times my son fabricated the story, becasue he was afraid to dissapoint us,,, thats when I said,,, please let me decide what disapoints me, or makes me mad,,, being honest is not just for the ones around you,,, but for yourself,,,,, honest creates the foundation, that will build the house,( again he understands,, construction lingo)

I think many times,,, the "white lies" to come out,, becasue of trying not to dissapoint others,,,,,

where the addicit gets so far in a whole,,, not only are they not concerned about others,,, they dont' even care about themselves,,,

From what I see, he is sober. I asked him why he lied about it and his reply was (and Cardinal it is soooo right), he explained that he didn't want to get thrown out AND in that talk he told me he didn't want to say anything until he got a new job so as to not disappoint us as we were so proud and happy for him with the new job,, the new car, etc.....

So I think I get where he is coming from, and it make me think of what pressure WE put on him when we are so happy for him and something bad happens. His way of thinking seems to be 'I've disappointed them enough, I can't do it again'.....

I came home yesterday, I was sooo sick at work, a bug going around, and when I came in the vacuum was going, the place had been FULLY dusted, including the upstairs rooms....his room was spotless, his bathroom and mine spotless....he apologized for not unloading the dishwasher the day before.

He has been actively looking for a job and has a lead on two right now.....so we'll see where it goes from here.

I have to look back to when I was his age, and I have to say, I bounced jobs constantly. I lost count about 4 years ago. I never finished college, I had my own business right out of hs and closed that up after 3 years, I have been in banking, claim work, healthcare, payroll, manufacturing, customer service, tech support, singing, retail....I've been around the gamit and back....so he will find his way as well.

As kids we all can't wait to be grown ups. And when we get to be grown ups we wish we where kids again....vicious cycle.

I have to say, I'm not letting it consume me anymore, but I get mad and vent it out in one fell swoop.....which is much better.

I say what is on my mind and get past it.

I've put him into the hands of our Lord and go from there.

I love him and sooner or later he will grow up (scared though, it took me until 42 to grow up, who am I kidding, I'm STILL not grown up at 52!)....so let's not say grow up....let's say 'find his way'. LOL...

Thanks all for being there!

Have a good week and here's to smiles that we can muster and laughter that we can find.

He is learning and growing as fast as he can.
hugs to you. feel better soon.

Ah, deep breaths. I have twins, one is my addict, so now when I look at different situations that arise, and immediately my stomach starts to churn, I say now what if my daughter did this how would I respond. I try to look at it from that perspective, because I think sometimes we react ( rightfully so, scars run deep) but instead I try to respond. It is very tiring, sometimes, you want calm. We are always here, venting is a necessity, and we can certainly understand. hugs