Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
I wanted to ask members here how they deal with an alcoholic or addict in the family who also has other psychological or medical diagnoses, as I feel this complicates things enormously.
My 28-year-old alcoholic son also has a severe learning disability, which the Board of Ed said was very rare, and which keeps him from holding the simplest type of job. He also suffers from depression, but refuses to take meds, and resists therapy. (He says that he would never hurt himself because he is a practicing Catholic, but I am afraid he will overdose without consciously meaning to hurt himself.)
When a loved one has these additional problems, how does this affect the "no enabling" policy? How do you know when to set limits and boundaries? An example is - he is still not working and often drinks, even though he goes regularly to AA meetings - so my husband and I have a policy of not giving him money or buying him things, because we feel this would keep him from being motivated to stop drinking and find some kind of work - BUT he needs a Metrocard (for the subway) to get to his AA meetings, soup kitchens, job interviews, etc., and so we have decided to purchase a $25 Metrocard for him every week. This doesn't feel right, but I don't see how he can heal if he does not have transportation to get to his meetings and other places which help him.
What do people think about this?
Thanks, Janet
My 28-year-old alcoholic son also has a severe learning disability, which the Board of Ed said was very rare, and which keeps him from holding the simplest type of job. He also suffers from depression, but refuses to take meds, and resists therapy. (He says that he would never hurt himself because he is a practicing Catholic, but I am afraid he will overdose without consciously meaning to hurt himself.)
When a loved one has these additional problems, how does this affect the "no enabling" policy? How do you know when to set limits and boundaries? An example is - he is still not working and often drinks, even though he goes regularly to AA meetings - so my husband and I have a policy of not giving him money or buying him things, because we feel this would keep him from being motivated to stop drinking and find some kind of work - BUT he needs a Metrocard (for the subway) to get to his AA meetings, soup kitchens, job interviews, etc., and so we have decided to purchase a $25 Metrocard for him every week. This doesn't feel right, but I don't see how he can heal if he does not have transportation to get to his meetings and other places which help him.
What do people think about this?
Thanks, Janet
I think the pass is ok.
But I also wonder about what you said about him holding the simplest type of job.
He can get around and go to AA meetings.
I've seen cleaning crews of people with downs syndrome. Some of them looked pretty severe. I know they could'nt take a bus anywhere.
But anyways maybe when he sobers up things will get better.
Joe
But what puzzles me is that if he can go to AA meetings and booze it up why cant he hold the simplest type of job?
I've seen severe cases of Downs syndrome work on cleaning crews. I know they couldnt take a bus anywhere alone.
Maybe when he sobers up thing will get better for him.
Take care and God bless.
Joe
His next plan is to link-up with a place called "Ready, Willing and Able", which helps homeless men find low-level jobs and thus get off the streets out of the shelters. So maybe he will be able to do OK with the jobs they set him up with.
Thanks for your response -
Janet
I have no answers but I would buy him the Metrocard theres nothing wrong with helping him out. It sounds like he is homeless. My heart goes out to you and him.
You can tell your nephew that even my son admits that the non-stop pot-smoking when he was a teenager affected his thinking capacities and brain functioing, and he regrets ever using it. I hope your nephew stops using marijuana soon.
My son isn't on the streets, but he is staying in a men's shelter, and is getting hooked-up with a program which gets housing and jobs for people in shelters - the problem is that he tends to leave these programs before they can do anything for him - and he refuses to go into in-patient rehab, which everyone agrees is what he really needs -
Janet
Statistically a huge amount of people who go to rehab or these shelter programs don't stay. My AH is in a shelter in CA also. You never know your son may get tired of this and decide on a better life.
Good luck