Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
My husband has not been sober for over two yeasts now. First his best friend hung himself and then five months later I gave both to our still born daughter.
Since then he has been drinking very day. Lost five jobs, and now lately becoming physically violent with me.
I was about to leave so he decided to start AA. So I stayed with him hoping to work through it.
I'm struggling to trust him. I always think he is hiding that he is drinking. He comes home from our neighbors house smelling of alcohol but says it got spilt on him. He lies about being at work late ( I drive passed his car twice at his friends place but he just texted he and said the cops had pulled him over) I told him I seen the car at his friends house and he told me to leave him.
He only ever snores and talks in his sleep if he has been drinking and for the last two nights he's been doing that.
Is it stupid of me to think he will just stop cold turkey and everything will be fine? Or do they cut back first and then stop? I really don't no what to expect. I HATE him doing things behind my back a and always look like a fool when he does because I'm always hopeful that he lives me enough not to lie , but I always catch him out. I keep accusing him of drinking and smoking pot and we have huge arguments. He tells me he needs support not abuse.
I just want him to come out and say 'yeah I drank or yeah I smoked pot' but he doesn't even if I have court him out he flat out denise it even if he is stumbling around and wreaks of it.
Can some one please tell me what to expect ? I thought going to aa meant never touch it again and that's the end of it!!
Since then he has been drinking very day. Lost five jobs, and now lately becoming physically violent with me.
I was about to leave so he decided to start AA. So I stayed with him hoping to work through it.
I'm struggling to trust him. I always think he is hiding that he is drinking. He comes home from our neighbors house smelling of alcohol but says it got spilt on him. He lies about being at work late ( I drive passed his car twice at his friends place but he just texted he and said the cops had pulled him over) I told him I seen the car at his friends house and he told me to leave him.
He only ever snores and talks in his sleep if he has been drinking and for the last two nights he's been doing that.
Is it stupid of me to think he will just stop cold turkey and everything will be fine? Or do they cut back first and then stop? I really don't no what to expect. I HATE him doing things behind my back a and always look like a fool when he does because I'm always hopeful that he lives me enough not to lie , but I always catch him out. I keep accusing him of drinking and smoking pot and we have huge arguments. He tells me he needs support not abuse.
I just want him to come out and say 'yeah I drank or yeah I smoked pot' but he doesn't even if I have court him out he flat out denise it even if he is stumbling around and wreaks of it.
Can some one please tell me what to expect ? I thought going to aa meant never touch it again and that's the end of it!!
Follow your gut. This does not look good.
and no. no alcoholic ever cut down to stop that I know of...they slow down and it gradually escallates again. My son tried only drinking on weekends (and what adventures those were!) and then it became including thursdays and sundays...and then it was back to everyday...some days worse than others. No. cutting down does not work.
don't argue. It doesn't do any good.
set your boundaries and stick by them.
and in your case, since he has been violent, My hope would be that if he is not sober, he can't be there. period.
you are not crazy, or misguided, or causing anything. You are living with an addict and they are liars, manipulators and sick.
please take care of yourself. stay safe.
I know exactly how you feel. I am going through the same thing except my husband was only sober for 2 months before he relapsed hard. It is miserable to not trust them and from my experience each time I have suspected I found a bottle proving my suspicion. Alcoholics are master manipulators and will never admit their fault sincerely. They may say they are sorry once they are caught and are afraid of losing us however once that fear is gone its back to their old tricks. You see, I have found that saying sorry is a quick fix to get us to come back and once we are there again they forget what they were sorry for. It sucks! I love my husband dearly and I want it to work but I had to ask him to leave last night because I no longer have the energy or desire to fight a battle that I cannot win on my own. This battle is his and its time for him to to do his own fighting rather than me trying to control the situation by dumping out alcohol and taking keys away from him. Im tired of taking care of him. Its time for me to take care of me. God bless you and I pray that you find your peace!