Well, I tried Al Anon a couple of years ago, and didn't like it... But then this past November, I gave it another try. I haven't stopped going. I found a group that I cherish and love, and it has been my saving grace for the last four months... Next month will be one year since my younger brother in law took his own life because of his alcoholism. It's been a hard year. My husbands drinking ended up causing our whole family to be ripped apart at Christmas. He wasn't allowed in the home for almost two months. (Long story, but nobody was hurt.) He's home now and has been sober since January.2nd. He had a week where he fell off the wagon, and it woke him up to how much his drinking hurts our kids, me, his friends and his family... How it's caused him to lose TWO jobs in the last 3 months. He is doing amazing right now, and I'm so proud of him. However, I'm more proud of myself that I'm able to detach with love when he did fall off that wagon. I didn't go back to the old ways... I've come to an epiphany through all I've learned... I WAS ABUSIVE. I WAS! Not him... Who am I to tell him that he's a horrible person for drinking? That's his road... His journey... And while yes, we are married, and should be OUR journey together... But this is NOT something that I can change, control or remedy. Addiction IS A DISEASE!! Would I abandon him if he had cancer? Diabetes? Hell no! So why would I abandon him with this? I said horrible, mean, insensitive things when he would come home drunk! What did that help?? Nothing. So, I hug him, tell him I love him, and that he beat the demon for another day!! I have peace in my heart knowing that I love this man with all my heart, and I'll stand by his side through his struggles. But with detachment... I won't bail him out of jail anymore, or dump his liquor, or steal his keys. He's a grown man... He's been sober for a while now... I'm learning to trust again. He's learning to trust me again... That there won't be 100 calls a day, making sure he's at work and no more making him sleep on the couch. We make time for each other again, love each other again, WHOLE HEARTED! Every day, he gets up and says to himself, 'I won't drink today'. And he doesn't! He's also been attending regular AA meetings, and he loves them! He usually goes to TWO meetings a week. He is determined to beat it. I know he can, but it's not something I can do for him. I can be his cheer leader, that's all I can do. Just come home and be a family! Al Anon has taught me that I'm ALLOWED to be emotional... But also constructive ways to release these emotions! Anyways... If you haven't tried Al Anon... Please, please, please!! Give it a try. Find your local meetings and try them all! You will find your 'home group'!

This was a leaflet from one of our workshops... It's long, but well worth the time!!

DETACHMENT

Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It does not imply judgement or condemnation of the person or situation from which we are detaching. Separating ourselves from the adverse effects of another person's alcoholism can be a means of detaching: this does not necessarily require physical separation. Detachment can help us look at our situations realistically and objectively.

Alcoholism is a family disease. Living with the effects of someone else's drinking. We are not responsible for another person's disease or recovery from it.

Detachment allows us to let go of our obsession with another's behavior and begin to lead happier and more manageable lives, lives with dignity and rights, lives guided by a Power greater than ourselves. We can still love the person without liking the behavior.

IN AL ANON WE LEARN:

** Not to suffer because of the actions or reactions of other people.
** Not to allow ourselves to be used or abused by others in the interest of another's recovery.
** Not to do for others what they can do for themselves.
** Not to manipulate situations so others will eat, go to bed, get up, pay bills, not drink, or behave as we see fit.
** Not to cover up for another's mistakes or misdeeds.
** Not to create a crisis.
** Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events.

By learning to focus on ourselves, our attitudes and well being improve. We allow the alcoholics in our lives to experience he consequences of their own actions.

www.al-anon.alateen.org


I'd be lost with out Al Anon!