Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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kimberlysusanne 02/23/2015

Hello all. I haven't been on this site in a long time. First and foremost, I want to say how much this site helped me two years and more ago. It gave me the strength to stop enabling my addict, begin counseling for myself, and have the courage to continue on with life raising two little boys who had a father in active addiction. My addict has been in prison for nearly two years due to charges stemming from things he did while using and trying to obtain more of his drug of choice--crack. At any rate, he is likely to get a judicial release soon in which he will be heading to a six month in-house rehabilitation center. He is very nervous about getting out and rebuilding his life. He is nervous about the stigma attached to not only being an addict, but also felon. He is worried about getting a job. He is scared that he will relapse since his prison sentence came about after a relapse after 18 months clean. The prison he is in hasn't offered any programs or recovery options other than a weekly NA meeting. He has been reading the AA and NA books, but he is still anxious about staying clean when he gets out. I'm looking for any positive thoughts and advice from anyone in this group that understands or has dealt with similar circumstances. I would like to pass on your advice to him and share with him success stories from others so he knows he is not alone and can be successful in breaking the cycle of addiction. Thank you so much for any positive comments you can send our way. I'm also interested in any suggestions for our boys. They understand the basics of addiction, but we want to make this transition as easy as possible for our family. Best wishes to all on their current journeys!

I also posted this thread in the Cocaine Addiction and Recovery Group, so I could get comments from multiple perspectives.

jainlor 02/23/2015

if he believes in God I recommend celebrate recovery. there should be one in your area that he can go to every week and be loved and accepted

kimberlysusanne 02/23/2015

Thank you! I have never heard of that, but this sounds like something Ben would really get welcome into his life.

blueviolet725 02/23/2015

my son is a sober felon. He found a job washing toilets at a gym part time and worked it into full time and is now a manager...it takes a while to find someone to give them a chance.
Make sobriety the FIRST priority. all else will work out. Meetings are a great place to get crappy starter jobs...lots of other people at the meetings might have landscaping jobs and the like.
If we ever really knew how many of us walked around with legal records!
The hard work starts once they are out and able to make their own choices...but he CAN do it.
My son took the opportunity after rehab for a sober living house (huge rip off....but good transition)...and he will learn SOOOOO many skills at rehab...and if they offer a family program GO! we learned so much.
Just put him in God's hands and let him know how proud of him you are for making this excellent choice to get help.
It saved my son's life.
We can only do the best we know, with what we know at the time.

kimberlysusanne 02/23/2015

Thank you so much for you positive words, Blueviolet. I very much appreciate it! :)

blueviolet725 02/23/2015

you know, the other thing...he was sober before, so he knows how to do it, and what his mistakes were...and he had even more sobriety time behind bars...so his body and mind have had a lot of time to heal...that is all in his favor.

kimberlysusanne 02/23/2015

I've thought of that as well, Blueviolet. Thank you for adding that comment. Every piece of positive thinking is very much welcome. :)

IamDonetoday 02/24/2015

First off I think that he's scared about staying sober is a really good indication that he wants to be sober. So that's positive. It takes a lot of hard work to stay sober. It's good he's going to a half way house. I strongly recommend that he structures his life in a way that encourages recovery (i.e. meetings, exercise, counselling)...structure and routines are very important for recovering addicts. He needs a sober community of friends, a sponsor etc...but it's his work. I was just down visiting my son in treatment, his counsellor (recovering addict) said "you have to want it bad enough." One day at a time, don't get too overwhelmed with the future. Your loved one has to develop coping skills to deal with daily living, and not want to return to old patterns, it takes time to grow deep roots in recovery. I'll say a prayer for your family. As for the kids, how old are they?

kimberlysusanne 03/01/2015

Thank you IamDonetoday! I appreciate all the advice being sent our way, and every tidbit offered can help. Our boys are 5 and 9 years old. They are familiar with discussing addiction (on kid-friendly terms) and are aware that their dad is getting help so he can come back to be an even better person for us.

IamDonetoday 03/02/2015

As for the kids, keep it simple...not too much detail and look at this as a life lesson (what is it you want to teach your kids about this time)? Also it's teaching them how to cope with problems. Are the kids acting out, sleep or eating difficulties? Groups for kids and/or counselling, reading age appropriate stories about other kids who are going through rough times and then ask them about the story, and the main character....Kids usually project themselves into the situation, and you can get a better understanding of what they're thinking and feeling. You have your hands full take care of yourself.

kimberlysusanne 03/05/2015

Thank you again for the advice! The hardest part of this all is taking care of myself. :( Far too often, life seems like it is just a series of tasks to get through with stolen moments of relaxation on my own sporadically thrown in.

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