Where does one begin? My father is an alcoholic. Has been since I am able to remember, although he did stop drinking for a significant amount of time in my teen years. My mother stayed married to him and he has always lived with us and supported us, although I never had any emotional support from him and I believe the older I get, the more it effects me, especially in relationships. I have never been able to complete anything in my life. I have never truly known who I am. I am always looking for my mate to fill the emotional void in my life which kills my relationships. I cry, all the time, lately. But, I always put on a good front, like everything is perfect in my mind. I wonder what it is like to hug my father and not feel uncomfortable, I wonder what it is like to ask him for advice or to talk to him about anything for that matter besides the weather and how is he feeling. I don't know what I am looking for exactly but just wanted to see if anyone else has had similar experiences and how you got through it as an adult. I know I can't blame my father for my emotional inadequacies, but I am sure he has had an effect on it. I am sick of being codependent and just want to feel happy being me, whoever that is....