Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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Mellody 06/09/2015

My sister has abused drugs and alcohol for a while now, she lies so much you do not know when she really is telling the truth which is not good because when she actually needs help we do not know what to do. Example she called my grandmother and lied and said that she needed money to go to the hospital because her children's father was attacked and beaten, ...it was a lie he has been in jail for the last idk how long, she also lied and told us that she was supposed to be on dialysis for her kidneys like 2 years ago. so her lies can be really dramatic.

Now she is saying she is being abused by this guy she was dating saying he is trying to kill her and the kids. My mom told her she could stay with us but she said no because she did not want to lose her apartment, my mom also told her to call the cops but she said he would send his friends to hurt her and the kids, and today I told her to come to our house and call the cops from our house and she said how is she going to get her things...

.I do not want to think she is lying because if something bad happens to her or my nieces i will feel horrible, i'm so worried. she said that she will call or text me tonight to call the police because she said if she does it he will know it was her. she said she will tell my niece to call me when he starts to attack her and then i will call the cops for her so he can think that it was a neighbor who did it and not her.

I want to do it on my own but i do not know if that will make things worst like i want to call right now because its ridiculous. she needs help she already has a cps case that has been going on for more than a year and she had four other cases with Cps previously, i have no idea how they have not come across anything that wouldn't make them call the cops. i'm so stressed out and i want my older sister and the kids to be ok.

my mom is taking the tougher route because she was abused before so she is being more blunt telling her to stop making excuses and call the cops but my sister got upset and said "don't come to my funeral"... I do not want to call the cops and when they get there she says everything is fine and then they leave and he hurts her and the kids, or what if she gets mad and hurts her self or the kids because it was a lie and i called the cops with out her permission. I don't think she would hurt the kids but with addicts and people who are mentally and emotionally unstable you really never know. Any advice or just words of support?

blueviolet725 06/09/2015

protect yourself, express your concerns to your mom and grandma, and understand that they may be in denial.
lock up your valuables, and get ready to think about if someone is going to take the kids.
no matter what, the kids come first in my book.
A terrible situation. would she go to a shelter? (battered woman's)

Mellody 06/09/2015

Thanks for your reply blueviolet, she said she does not want to go to a shelter. Every option we give to her she makes up an excuse.

blueviolet725 06/09/2015

That is very frustrating.
I am really glad that your mom is on the same page as you.
SIGH.
frustration, sad, angry, worried...exhausting.
Just put the kids first.
And just try to always do the next right thing. we can only do what we can do.

Pen125 06/10/2015

I don't know your sister -of course- but there's a pattern when it comes to addicts' behaviour: lies, manipulation, psychological extortion and so forth. It's very likely that she is being abused, even physically abused, but, as you say, will deny it if confronted by the police. This is typical addict behaviour. The problem is that there are children involved. I don't know her story but since she has an open cps case, you need to talk with people you trust and make sure the children are not exposed to violence. There are absolutely nothing motherly in what she said ("she said she will tell my niece to call me when he starts to attack her"). This is insane!

I have been throught this nightmare and can feel your pain and anguish. Your sister is an adult, the children are not. They should be your No1 priority and I'm not being judgemental here. Once you (you personally or with help) make sure that the kids are safe, you will feel MUCH better and will be able to see your sister's behaviour for what it really is: a consequence of her addiction from which you'll have to gradually distance yourself. It's one thing to care for your sister and another to let the addict ruin your life. You matter too.

brok3nh3art 06/10/2015

You should try to go ck on the kids urself. Say something like you want to take them to eat somewhere then go and ck it out. Sit there a min or 2 see if you notice anything then if you can take the kids to McDonald's if you can and see if they tell you anything. If something is really wrong then you need to do what you can to help the kids. Im kind of going through what you are. My son and his wife are on drugs and CPS is in the picture. I talked to the police and CPS myself to make sure my grandkids were ok since my son and his wife wouldnt let me ck on them. Do the right thing make sure things are ok this is for the kids, yourself, your mom, and your grandma.

jerseyjenus 06/11/2015

Call the caseworker that is handling your sister's case and tell them your concerns. They can and should check on the children's well being and if they see anything, they have the power and ability to get the children help and somewhere safe.

Mellody 06/19/2015

I really appreciate your responses, my sister is now living with us which has not been easy but as at least i know the kids are ok. I have been pretty much caring for the kids which is not bad they are very well behaved and respectful. CPS Should be coming here next week i just do not understand how they are allowing this or how they can not see what is really going on. Thank you once again.

moveon122 09/20/2015

I feel your pain I have two habitual liars/ addicts as sisters. the kids become pawns a ticket for a bailout. they bled my mother dry. Of course the general public believes the lies that CPS or others will pick up the slack. I find it odd that so many people "slip" through the cracks.. their system must be as full of holes as a colander. they don't see what you do because they just need a check in a box that everything was in a brief instance ...... OK.
The excessive excuses clearly show her lack of wanting to fix anything. the round about kid calls you then you call police is insane. her BF who probably is an addict also is probably not smart enough or capable of tracking just who called whom and etc. The worse she makes it sound the more empathy she receives.
I know it is always with the best intentions that people keep making excuses for addicts. Here is a news flash the longer her kids are subjected to the lies and manipulation and addiction there is no going back. my nieces although when convenient they condemn their mother , they learned nothing from the experience, but they followed the same path. the damage was done so early it was frightening.

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