Hi Friends, this past weekend me, my husband and daughter went to visit Sean in Florida ( he just celebrated 14 months sober) Right before we were leaving to go and see him, he didn't seem right, a little detached and not responding to our texts or calls. Ugggh! immediately a scared feeling came over me, that feeling I know everyone here knows all to well. We flew to Florida to celebrate Easter, It was lovely, my son admitted to me, last week was a little bit of a struggle, he had some bad feelings, and he knew he needed to get out of his own head. Some addictive ways surfaced letting insurance lapse, not getting his license, so I did help him when I was there. I don't know if it was right, wrong, but I know it was something I would have done for my daughter. ( it's amazing how when I am asking myself if I should or shouldn't do something all of your advice comes racing through my head)
I helped him to get insurance and lent him the money until his next paycheck. It made me realize, that addicts like us, may look bright, and shiny and new from the outside but the demon is always knocking on the door.
My husband and daughter left a day early and it was nice, Sean and I went to dinner, and he talked about his meetings that he speaks out and sponsors at a treatment center, his (6) sponsee's that he has, he talk about his spiritual awakening, and also his new tattoo ( he does everything later in life 25 and never marked his body) but I know it's his journey. He asked if I wanted to go to his meeting where his sponsor was speaking I said of course. I went the room was filled with at least 80 if not 100 people. It is such a great experience, in which each time I attend I learn something new not about addiction but more about living life honestly. We later went to a coffee house, and one by one, two by two, group by group his new friends ( all in recovery) stopped to talked to Sean, they hugged, kissed, laughed, ( Sean has never had a challenge making friends, that could be a double edge sword) but I became sad, because I saw all this young, vibrant kids that all have a thread that weaves them together ( Addiction).It is somewhat bitter sweet, because this group is who supports his recovery everyday and all of them have the same struggle. My visit was a reminder that 14 months is great, and it somewhat allows you to breath ever so slightly better, but it also reminds me, that addiction is a life long disease and I can never, ever stop learning the lessons of detaching, not enabling, and never give up hope. I also know that we really only do have moments in life and we have to try to embrace them. Thank you my friends for always being that tiny voice of wisdom in my head.