Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Ok friends I need to tell you about the meeting I attended last night. First of all it was at the location of a free drug and alcohol recovery center my son has been in and out of for years and I had never even known about it.
They run this wonderful family meeting once a week and it was filled with really nice really educated folks who were dealing with the exact same things I am dealing with! How could my son have never told me about this? He didn't want me to know because then I might have stopped enabling him!! Well everyone there was super open and tons of folks have children in jail or prison and all of them had very sad stories. But they were positive and they said this group is for the recovery of us not our addicts. And it felt like I could finally breathe.... I did not have to pretend like everything is ok like I do all day every day. I could talk openly and honestly and they understood what I was going through. It was kind of exactly like this site except we were all in the same space. I guess you all already go to meetings and have experienced this but for me it was truely the first time I attended a meeting and felt comfortable and welcome and understood... and I have been going through this for 12 years! I told them how my son has mental illness and needed me to get better except that he kept relapsing and they said most all of our addicts have mental illness too and he was using that as a way to get me to keep enabling him. I honestly did not feel like I had been enabling him all this last year but did I make him go to school, get a job, work his recovery ? No I did not, I let him use his I'm too sick to do those things and what did that do?? Jept his addiction going strong.
So today I feel stronger and my head is a little clearer. what am I going to do? Not much... He called and had 15 seconds on the phone. He said I just got out of the medical unit in jail, he said he was sorry and he said can you please send me some of the books on recovery you bought me last year. I said nothing and the phone was disconnected. I have not brought his meds to jail I through them out. If he is truely sick he can let them know and they can decide if they think he needs all those meds.
I am not sending the books yet because I know he could care less about them it was his way of trying to manipulate me into thinking oh now he wants to recover. Am I hiring a lawyer with the last few dollars that are in in trust fund ? No I am talking to the public defender. I am going to let happen what is meant to happen... I have been doing it my way for 12 years and now I am finally done. I will still love my son and he will have to start taking steps to grow up and recover or not. I will eventually put money in the account so he can call me but for right now I need space from him.
They run this wonderful family meeting once a week and it was filled with really nice really educated folks who were dealing with the exact same things I am dealing with! How could my son have never told me about this? He didn't want me to know because then I might have stopped enabling him!! Well everyone there was super open and tons of folks have children in jail or prison and all of them had very sad stories. But they were positive and they said this group is for the recovery of us not our addicts. And it felt like I could finally breathe.... I did not have to pretend like everything is ok like I do all day every day. I could talk openly and honestly and they understood what I was going through. It was kind of exactly like this site except we were all in the same space. I guess you all already go to meetings and have experienced this but for me it was truely the first time I attended a meeting and felt comfortable and welcome and understood... and I have been going through this for 12 years! I told them how my son has mental illness and needed me to get better except that he kept relapsing and they said most all of our addicts have mental illness too and he was using that as a way to get me to keep enabling him. I honestly did not feel like I had been enabling him all this last year but did I make him go to school, get a job, work his recovery ? No I did not, I let him use his I'm too sick to do those things and what did that do?? Jept his addiction going strong.
So today I feel stronger and my head is a little clearer. what am I going to do? Not much... He called and had 15 seconds on the phone. He said I just got out of the medical unit in jail, he said he was sorry and he said can you please send me some of the books on recovery you bought me last year. I said nothing and the phone was disconnected. I have not brought his meds to jail I through them out. If he is truely sick he can let them know and they can decide if they think he needs all those meds.
I am not sending the books yet because I know he could care less about them it was his way of trying to manipulate me into thinking oh now he wants to recover. Am I hiring a lawyer with the last few dollars that are in in trust fund ? No I am talking to the public defender. I am going to let happen what is meant to happen... I have been doing it my way for 12 years and now I am finally done. I will still love my son and he will have to start taking steps to grow up and recover or not. I will eventually put money in the account so he can call me but for right now I need space from him.
I didn't even realize the everyday things that are normal for parents to do for their children are things that enable the addict's addiction. Boy is this a hard thing to change! Everything we are taught and told in life to do for our children now must be stopped. Except for one thing LOVE! I will always love our son no matter what!
It's comming up on a year,, that Katelin choice to leave,, she didn't want help,, she just wanted a safe place, to be while she continue to use,,, that day I asked her go to rehap and you can stay,, what did she do,, went in the bathroom and injected,, God made me knock that foot down,, and witness the ugliness ,,, and her excuse,,, " well mom, you knew I relaspsed, why won't I use ?,,, that was my moment of hitting rock bottom,,, I what I was doing by allowing her to live in a living, warm environment was not working, I was keeping that addiction alive,,, yea it effin hurts,, that she is out there somewhere, I've heard she is trying to be clean,, has she called nope ,, one day whenever or how ever long it takes, and she is clean and sober ,, she did that on her own,,
What I was doing was not working,, she played every card, and because she was my daughter I believed in those tricks,,, well today I'm not walloping I saved my family from the destruction of the addict, I detached,,,, I will always love, believe one day my daughter will return,, but has for the addict return,, I will not ever let that consume , destroy my life ever again,,
I'm so glad you found that meeting,, Justin did not want you to find it,, because that puts an obstacle in his world of drugs!!
Enjoy the renewed peace you have found,,,, you now can love your son , and no longer love him to death
I think you have come to the right conclusion.
I would do everything the way you are doing it now.
Bless you and hugs!