Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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A Gift of Truth...

DepressedRecluse
DepressedRecluse
yep...i gave my addict husband the gift of the truth this year...i told him exactly how i feel...and how he makes me feel...and what he does...and how angry and hurt i am...it made him mad...pissed him off...and he didn't want to hear it...but i told him anyway...and i told him that it would probably result in him going a using because he doesn't like hearing the truth and feeling the pain but i didn't care...because at least this time i'm controlling his need to use...yeah...i was angry...actually i think i let him have about a year and a half of bottled up anger that just erupted today....i was angry and hurt and I wanted him to feel that anger and pain while he was sober and i told him so too...then i went to church...and then i texted him that i was sorry that my gift had to hurt...that i really do love him...and i wished him a merry christmas...now i have a splitting headache...but aside from that i feel great.
katrinka
katrinka
It probley felt good to get all this off your chest, he on the other hand probley knew all this as most addicts are riddled with guilt over the stuff they have done to ones they love. I told ex all the same stuff it did no good all it did was make me alittle sad. I released tension that was building up but I still had made no progress in the real problem which was him the addict.
Only when I excepted my ah who is now my ex as the addict he was, he wasn't going to change and decided to do what was best for me, which was to leave the situation.
Lynnedz56
Lynnedz56
I've done it to my ex too. And, yes, part of the reason they use is that they are full of guilt. So, the only person this helps is us. And when I have gotten to that point, I never said later I was sorry. Cause I wasn't. This is about YOU. What you do for you. I gave my entire family the "gift" of truth this year. I've decided to take care of ME as none of them are. We have a complete range of dsyfunction in my family and I'm done. Finish! No more "good old Lynne". It's time to get hard, cold and take care of me. And for me, the only way I can do it is when I've reached the end. I'm glad Christmas is over as I see a great new year for ME!! And by the way, I too have to accept that maybe my ex, who is the addict, will never find recovery. And even if they did, they also tell you to wait a year of complete sobriety before you even try to deal with them again. I can pray for him, miss him, but I need to get on with it.
Mossyhorn
Mossyhorn
I have blown up at my wife before, but I have realized finally that it is a waste of time and effort to do so. I feel that no matter what you can't out think an addict, and you can not change their actions through anger, shame, or rational conversation. It is you trying to justify your anger, and it takes a toll on you time and time again when the results of it don't do any good. All of the negative feelings will feed a negative outlook on life in general until you break the pattern. This is from my perspective, through my experiences, right or wrong is for each person to decide.