Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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/ Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Angry

scaredwife8447
scaredwife8447
My husband is coming home in three weeks after being gone to clean up for two months. I miss him so much but am a nervous wreck about him coming home. I am so angry with him because he put us in this position and I don't know how I am going to be able to trust him again. He talks about himself and what he has been doing and how he has been feeling, but, I don't really feel like he cares about what he left behind. I don't think he realizes how much hurt he causes. I am pretty sure he expects to come waltzing back in and everything is going to be the same as it was when he left, that I will welcome him with open arms and put on a happy face like nothing is bothering me. I have been loving and supportive and smoothed things over for him and made excuses for him while he's been gone, but, nobody has done the same for me. I feel lonely and left out and hurt and scared. I feel guilty for feeling this way and like I'm being selfish. Is this normal? Why am I feeling like this?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Completely normal, hun. I am in a similar situation, but my boyfriend has been gone just a few days and will be home in a few days. I am scared and nervous about him coming home. I am worried about how I will react to him being home. Will I be happy that he is home? I am so angry and hurt that he has put me in this situation, too. he had so many good things around him and I don't understand why he would do something to ruin it. I don't understand him and he apologizes for what he has putme through but I wish I had a video camera so he could see everything that has happened and really how he has acted. I have been living with an addict and it's something I never ever thought I would say. I think that you are strong with how you are sticking by him and supporting him. I feel very lonely so I understand. I have been living with him, yes, but have never felt so lonely being in the same house with someone. He was barely there. I've done everything alone for the past 2 months even though he was here. I am worried that I will not be able to be around him without feeling animosity and anger.
page
page
It seems many people have mixed emotions, when a loved one returns home. I'm sure all the feelings you're having are normal, if not expected. I think it would be helpful (for both of you) to acknowledge that he is trying. I've heard, when a person first returns home, they must focus on their sobriety. He may not be able to offer you much. The groups for family members of (alcohol or drug addiction) are supposed to be able to do that, and understand, all you've been through. Have you tried any support groups?
deleted_user
deleted_user
? You mean that your husband went in for that long and nobody brought the family in for counselling or anything??? What kind of treatment is that? Rhetorical question, actually. Al-Anon literature at the very least should have been offered as an introduction to helping the entire family with this issue.

I belong to the AlAnon One Day At A Time group here at DS. It isn't very active but there is a few things there that may give some idea about what Al-Anon can offer in meetings.

God bless.
katrinka
katrinka
When my AH would come home from rehab i felt the same way, scared, worried, mad, apprehensive. I found Alanon to be helpful in making me see i had to take care and worry about myself and learn to detach with love. You shouldn't be smoothing or making excuses for him, he needs to be responsible for his mistakes. Read some books on addiction and read the book Boundaries so you can learn to set them. It helped me alot.