I am sorry. It could be recovery, and trying to "start fresh" or just questioning everything in his life...Why do you look on his phone? do you already not trust him? if that answer is yes...then why do you stay?
I was with someone 7 years. He left me for someone he met on the beach on his teacher's spring break. I found out when the wedding invitations went out to all our neighbors in our tiny town. They all knew before me.
and it was the wedding I planned
And he didn't end up marrying her
he married the girl he cheated on both of us with.
Thank GOD he left me.
And shortly after I moved away (in humiliation, leaving my house, my business, my life) I met my husband. I was hoping to date in the next 5 or 7 years...instead, within a year we were married, and have been 32 years...So, God can't put the right person in your life, until you get rid of the wrong one. You have to decide if you want to stay...loving someone is not always enough...sometimes you have to be able to see yourself in 20 years and see that you can be happy. Even prisoners get parole! YOU decide what you want. then see if it is what he wants...if he isn't sure now, how many more years are you willing to wait?

Early recovery is a very difficult time for addicts, their emotions are reeling and they are trying with every fiber of their being to make sense of their lives. He will be told to not engage in any new relationships the first year, this time should be spent focusing on themselves, it is clear that you have trust issues with him, which I can completely understand I am sure he has betrayed your trust over and over again, but, and it's a big but you must start to learn that living with an addict is not for the faint of heart. You are going to have to take time for yourself and understand that it is up to him to rebuild the trust, and if you are going to spend your time checking on him you will only torture yourself.

Blue - the reason I was looking at his phone is that while he was in rehab we came up with a list of things together that we agreed on for when he came home - such as random drug testing' me being in charge of all our money and also that I could check his phone at any time. Of course I also do have trust issues, he is an addict so I have been lied to many times. But how can I work on rebuilding this trust when I see things like this, it is just so hurtful. He says he is confused and he was just talking things through, that he wouldn't act on it. He spoke to his sponsor about it also and got told he was setting himself up for relapse because if he was to leave me, he is not supposed to get into a new relationship in the first year anyway. I have been thinking about that also Blue- how long am I willing to wait? I don't know, I wish I didn't HAVE to wait.
dmatt yes I am realising it is not for the faint of heart. When he was in active I think I made up this fantasy that if he was in recovery it would all suddenly turn perfect, which is not the case, in some ways it is more difficult than dealing with active. He is nearly 4 months clean now, maybe I should take a step back and like you say, let him rebuild the trust.....

Oh no,

I'm sorry to hear this. I know exactly how this feels (remember me reading my bf's 4th step) As far as my personal experiences with recovering addicts goes...they go through a whole range of different emotions and are trying to figure out who they are and what they want without drugs. Since he is so early in his recovery - a couple of months from now I guarantee his outlook will be different. I watched my boyfriend transform into a different person - then after his second time in recovery and even different person. The situation is hard....because while they are soul searching we are here taking the hits just as hard as they are - all the time we have been so patient and understanding and stuck by their sides and they are thinking about other women. AWFUL. But in their defense they are going through a lot emotionally and in my case I am trying to remain positive and patient a bit longer. Going off of what Blue said - I don't know how long I'm willing to wait...and I think about it all the time...but at this point in time I just don't have the energy to leave him and I want so bad for things to be okay. I hope things work out for you whether you end up leaving him or not. You cannot let it consume you (easier said than done). I've spent so many days and nights just thinking of the worst case scenarios...watching his every move...checking his phone...listening to his conversations...but all I was doing was making my life miserable. I'm still in the process of trying to do this myself but it is the only way to keep our relationships healthy for US!

He broke up with me. Destroyed.

We can offer love and support. We hear your pain. Chin up. Hugs!

Oh no, so sorry. That's really rough.

We are here for you.

Hugs

I am so sorry you are hurting.
Guess what? I believe that there is a better life and love for you in the future. That was my experience.
Be good to yourself.
Think now about what you do or do not want in your next relationship and it will be. Sorry you are broken hearted...

Thanks for your messages of support and love