Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
I am so frustrated and so scared that I will lose my husband forever. We have been married three years and have a two year old son. I love him, but this is his fifth trip to rehab in the past three years. I thought this time I was done that I couldn't give him another chance. I love him so much but I am soooo tired of the roller coaster ride. My counselor tells me not to make any decisions concerning our marriage for a year and just allow my husband to work through his recovery while I work through mine and see where we are at. What if .... that I guess is my biggest fear. What if he relapses again. What if he decides our marriage isn't worth it? What if he is so pissed at me for leaving him to find his own way? My family thinks I should say forget it and just leave him. I understand their concern but I get so frustrated with them because I know how he is when he is clean. He is an awesome husband and father.
No one can tell you what you should be doing with your life,, put your big girl pants on,, work your recovery,, you might decide that this marriage is not worth fighting for,,
Don't worry about your husband revovery,,, support, sobriety, you got your own recovery, redefine yourself, look in the mirror and remind that person how beautiful and smart they are,,,
Peace !
You have essentially been raising your son by yourself and trying to fill both roles.
You are not responsible for his recovery or his relapses. You are responsible for your son. You need to make the decision what is the best path forward for you and your son. No one can tell you what that path is but it does sound like you need some space.
You can play the what if game but it doesn't accomplish anything. I call it forward stressing. You have to make decisions based on the information you have now.
I too, think, what if he decides I am part of the problem and wants to leave. I have no control over that and if that is what it comes to, then I will deal with it then. For the time being, it is about me and my kids. Making sure I am mentally healthy and strong for them.
so...you are #1, baby is #2 and he is #3.
He is a grown up and it is up to him to look after himself.
Kahil Gilbron = spelling that wrong....the prophet says in his book that marriage is like the pillars holding up the roof of the temple...that they can not be too close together or too far apart to support the roof.
Don't play the "what if " game. It steals the power from you. Plan out your options. work on what makes you stronger and better....then, if it works out? great, two strong adults. If not? a strong momma who can grab the world by the tail and take charge.
And what a great example that will be setting for your child!
We all love our addicts....but we have to love ourselves too.
Peace!
Jerseyjenus thank you for that light bulb moment - I never looked at the "what ifs" as forward stressing that is exactly what it is.
So far my husband is doing good in rehab. He sounds like he is understanding his addiction a little more. He will continue after his 35 day program into an IOP for 12 weeks (which will be complete sometime in August). He is already trying to plan ahead and figure out where we as a couple are headed when he completes the 12 weeks. I told him we need to just focus on our recovery (his addiction/ mine co-dependency) and we will look at where we are at at the end of the 12 weeks. My counselor has already suggested along with his counselor at the treatment center that I need to step back and watch and wait for at least a year due to his recurring relapses in such a short time (we have been married 3 years).
Thanks again everyone.