all your feelings are completely understandable. it is so hard dealing with an addict when you offer them help etc...and they just don't get it. I am sorry you are going through this. maybe not talking to her might be a good thing right now .

The way I look at it is saying nothing is better than saying things you will regret later. I would simply tell her that you have a lot on your mind, but if she needs to talk you are there.

Remember that you are "hating" the addiction and not the person.

Before my son's addiction, he and I were so close. When he was a full blown addict, I found it hard to even look at him. I would get in his face and confront him every chance I got. So unlike me. I told him he was dead to me. With me, I know that I was so disappointed in what he could have been and what he did to himself that I felt so much anger toward him. Joining this group really helped me. I think it is only normal to feel this way. As keepmovin said, you are hating the addiction and what it has done to them, not the person that they have become.

A book said the depth of our sadness is measured by the height of our happiness....I kind of feel the same way about anger with our addicts...we love them so desperately and and hate their behaviors with the same intensity.
I took intense long walks and raged mentally and exhausted myself...and sometimes I cried.
Not caring would be worse than feeling the rage.