Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
I have a daughter addicted to morphine and she is in outpatient rehab again. She lives very close to us. the situation is that she is always calling wanting to come visit at the our house. The rule is if she hasn't been to the emergency room for drugs in 30 days she can come visit. It has been 10 days this time around. My husband wont even talk with her at this point. She has hurt him so deeply. Her sister walks with her every night and last night she had to cancel. Well the daughter who is the addict texted her 16 times about not going for a walk. It is very hard, I just don't want to deal with the daily drama. I have met her for breakfast on Saturday and we went to church together yesterday. My husband doesn't think I should have any contact with her until she gets herself straight. I think I should be supportive of her. How should I be handling the constant calls and texts about coming to visit, going to dinner, etc. She says she is so lonely and missies her family. My heart says one thing and my brain says another. I just don't want to always deal with this. I think I should set up a boundary of some kind. Any ideas?
I find that if I'm able to talk to him about my sister and it's not going to screw me up, I do. When I can't bear it emotionally, I don't have contact. It varies but what stays the same is that it works for me.
She has a lot of support in a rehab program. Support that family can't give her. If she's complaining she's missing family, she needs to work that out with professionals that are treating her.
I know it seems cruel, but your husband is right. When she's clean and coping properly then you can think about changing the rules.
As far as boundaries are concerned, from my 10 year long experience I have only this little piece of advice to offer: boundaries are there for us to set in order to keep us as sane as possible and to give the addict the chance to take responsibility for his/her own actions. If the constant calls distract your from your life/job/relationships you could start screening them. You could pick up the phone only once a day/ every other day, you'll figure that out.
I agree with rubywillow, the support she can get from a rehab programme is a kind of support you, as a family, cannot possibly offer her. You don't have the tools to "make her clean". Dealing with addiction takes a specialist or two and it is a long, winding road.
I suggest, if you haven't done so already, to try out support groups for yourself, just like you're reaching out to this online group.