You dont need to ask about rehab or the ER. I have found that just talking to you can tell how things are going. If you know about the 12 step program then you can tell if she is working it if she not working a 12 step program she is not working on her rehab. Talk about current events the weather anything that doesnt matter if she tells the truth or not and you will make it through the visit just fine.

The not trusting part is hard. Have an open conversation if that's what you want. I discussed rehab with my son and still do. He's currently in his halfway house after a 3 month rehab. He's very open and willing to discuss it but I do try to discuss other subjects as well.

I personally feel that when there's an elephant in the room, we aknowledge it. We don't need to do a jig with it but at the very least aknowledge it.

Are you proud of her going? If so let her know. Let her tell you what she wants. Maybe offer an open ended question. Like "I would love to hear how this out patient experience is for you". Just be careful not to get pulled into any bs. If it becomes any kind of manipulative blame game or attempt to force guilt then I suggest you don't engage in that.

Addiction tears families apart in so many ways. When my son was using and not well for years communication was estranged, just plain difficult. He was very negative, angry and evasive. I wanted to know how he was which he would not say he always talked about all the trouble he was in as if there was an injustice happening. It was distressing for me. I had to find a better way to communicate and keep it positive.

Going to alanon AND NAMI support group meeting taught me to communicate better. Of course they help a little I have had to dig hard to find ways to deal with this issue bc I know without family you are up the creek. People who have strong family ties and support always fare well. This IS THE big problem in my family everyone isolates, is critical and negative. So how to communicate and keep it positive?
I try to stick to one topic I ask how are you feeling It is non evasive and get them talking about themselves. Seemed like every other topic turned to the past, the same old repeated behaviors or some emotional conflict. Most of my family has stopped all contact with him. THAT IS words cannot describe how I feel about that. I refuse to be like that.

The whole family has communication problem. He is angry and uses. They get twisted up emotionally and freeze and avoid. He gets more angry and estranges himself. I feel so angry with him and them bc of how they all act. Criticism does not heal. I feel it makes matters worse and he expresses more anger because of this. I just keep the focus on, How are you feeling. It shows I care. It is neutral.

PS I believe just saying." I love you, hearing the words is a big thing.. Keep conversations short and sweet and end it with the words I love you. Not easy when dealing with an emotional mess but very effective for keeping positive lines open.

I'm new to this too but what I try to remind myself is something I learned in Al-Anon.
It's "Stop, Look and Listen.' It's worked better for me to try doing this. I keep telling my son that I love him and now I try to keep my opinions at bay because it doesn't help anyway. He doesn't listen to me then he gets angry and shuts down.
So......
Stop talking, just look at them, and listen to them. It really works wonders!

They will tell you much more and your relationship will be better.

If you haven't gone to Al-Anon, please try it! It's been a life saver for me. Hugs! Cher

I agree, just listen, and let them tell you about their experience is best. And it's ok to have some silence. Everyone needs a little time to gather their thoughts. It will take time for their brains to adjust from being off the drugs.
My son told us that he learned that their brain shuts down at the age they started using. I don't know how true it is but it did seem fitting for my son who is now 3 years clean and sober and totally level headed!

He is correct They stop maturing emotionally, especially concerning when someone begins an addiction as an adolescent.

Could that be why we notice some people never grow up? Observe how they think, act and what they talk about. Do they go on and on repeating the same things over and over? they seem to be stuck and this explains their immature behavior.