my husband and I weren't happy if we did hear from our son (phone rang, must be a crisis) or if we didn't (is he back to using?)...we were waiting for the other shoe to drop. We had to work hard to get over it, and to be honest, it took well over a year after he was out of rehab..which was another 6 months..
It is still new...I bet he feels it is too.
Yes, and I still, tho less now, on occasion think of the crap we went thru with my son...for example, I just bought a new couch. It reminded me of when he passed out and pissed my brand new couch maybe 8 years ago while he was an active drunk....so those lovely reminders come, probably forever, but luckily seem to fade.
ALso, if he has not done any ammends to you yet, where you get to hash over things and talk it out (is it step 8?) that also is helpful..but it is on their schedule, not ours.
maybe it is because we don't feel safe and don't want to push them back to using...
in aa they say that resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to get sick....so it is our work to let go of anger. It only hurts us. the past is past.
that's my two cents worth for today. hugs and luck to you.

Congratulations to your husband! And no you arent alone. Thats exactly how I feel right now and I struggle with it daily. My husband is 28 days sober, about to hit his 30 days and Im struggling so badly with my own feelings of resentment. He wants me to attend his meeting and Im struggling with that too.

I completely understand where youre coming from. My therapist recommended a book to me that I just bought today, The Language of Letting Go. Basically its positive affirmations that are supposed to guide you to being able to let go. I cant say its a good read cuz I have yet to read it myself. But Ive heard good reviews.

No advice to share, just wanted to let you know I understand where youre coming from. Im working on it too!

You are DEFINITELY not crazy. My husband hasn't used in 6 months, and I just can't let go of the anger/resentment I have built up over four years. Be kind to yourself. Those things really did happen to you, and his being sweet and nice doesn't take that away. With that said, you really do need to figure out how to get passed it, or it will destroy you emotionally. I know, because I haven't figured it out, and I have destroyed myself with the anger/resentment. I think its a normal part of the process though! (((HUGS)))

Hopelives and TryingHardx3 your bf and spouse have a real good chance of staying clean. They are in the age bracket where 90% of addicts quit and for good. Only 10% go on to be chronic addicts.
I am happy for both of you and hope for the best.

I highly recommend "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.

Our work is about our own recovery from the effects of living with another's addiction, not whether or not the addict recovers. Of course we want them to recover, but that should no longer be our first priority, it should be ourselves.