Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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Why?

Lynnedz56
Lynnedz56
Why can't I get it through my thick head that my ex is NOT the man I knew anymore? Why can't I accept that even though it "sounds" like him, that it is NOT him. I've known him since he was 11 years old and I've been with him before he ever started using and been with him through clean times and his using times. And in 2005 I left and moved 2,000 miles away because I couldn't handle watching him die anymore; nor could I handle the "person" he becomes when he uses. He contacted me a year ago after his 19 year old daughter died of an overdose. And he has called periodically since. It sounds like his voice, yet he'll say things that lets me know he cares about nothing except drinking and drugging. He went from using now and again to drinking and drugging 24/7 since I left. Why can't I realize that the drugs have changed him. And that even though it sounds like him, it's not. I've been in therapy now for over a year and I just have times where I still miss him and wish we still had the life we did when he was clean and sober. In the last year I've been dealing with a lot of medical issues and that seems to be when I miss him the most.
GMaWilli
GMaWilli
You're making the statements, so you obviously DO know all these things. You just long for the old friend you knew, just like we all do. You have to discipline yourself to stay away from him, though, and have to remind yourself of the reality of things you DO KNOW. If his daughter overdosing hasn't snapped him out of his active addiction, I don't see it happening anytime soon for any other reason. You have to let him go and you have to be strong and stand firm in the knowledge that you have. Stop contact with him if that's what it takes.
mgs1
mgs1
Just like he is addicted to drugs, you are addicted to him.
Change your phone number. Why torture yourself?
Good Luck and God Bless.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think we all grieve for the person they used to be before the addiction, we hang in there hoping they wake up & think "what the hell am i doing".
It is like they are posessed, they have checked out & the devil has taken over.
My ex fiance is a comlete stranger, i still have my days 7 months after we split hoping he will wake up but even when they stop using i am not sure they ever return to the person they used to be.
My daughters father was a herion addict for around 2 yrs. He has been clean for over 9 yrs but still behaves like he did when he was in active addiction, he lies, he is paranoid & still cant separate reality from fiction.
We can educate ourselves as much as possible about drug addiction but we will never truely understand the impact it has on them.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Because the human brain is programmed, and it is programmed to recognize and love him. BUT, your sane side is there too. The conscious must control the subconscious. It took years to program that love and recognition and it will take years for it to dim. Don't be so hard on yourself. I sometimes still crave a cigarette, though it's been a few years since I quit. YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING, not a rock.
Lynnedz56
Lynnedz56
My therapist keeps telling me it takes time. Especially when we did at one time have a good relationship. I've known him since he was 11. I know the person before the addiction. And I've known him clean and sober and he is a good man. What I don't know is the full blown addict. In 3 years he has gone from the man I knew to a man I would never have had anything to do with. The kind of man I would cross the street to stay away from if I saw him. Of course, where he lives now and who he's with...I'd never have any reason to associate with those kind of people. He has truly gone into the gutter. And I have to say...I miss my best friend. And I find that when I'm having health issues (a heart condition that I found out about last year), I miss him more. He used to be the person I could talk to...the person who cared...and that is what I miss. And even though I know he's NOT the man who was in my life...I still at times wish he were here.