Yes, take care of yourself. First. At least once a week have some private you time...go out for tea...a class...lunch with a friend...whatever. If you burn out, you won't have anything to give to anyone else.

And if you feel guilty about that. Then think of it as modeling appropriate behavior to your daughter and grandkids.

Not excessive (going out every day..all day.)
Not minimal (never...never taking care of yourself).

But appropriate.

Hi Jeannine...welcome to the group. Glad you found us and sorry you had to.
Kudos to you for taking care of the children. No need to have them be in any unsafe situations. So glad that they have you. BUT how exhausting.

Yes, Patti is right...take care of yourself. take care of your marriage. Then take care of the kids....addicts? last. they have to learn to take care of themselves.
Set boundaries. stick to them. and learn to detach. sometimes you just have to say "it isn't happening to me, it is happening to her."

Thank you for the support and encouragement. It's been a lonely road and appreciate your words. I do need to remember that this is happening to her, not me. When I start feeling resentful because I should be enjoying my new freedom now that I've raised my children, I remember that this is for the grandkids. That they deserve a good childhood and I have the means to give that to them. I had to quit a job I just started and loved. I was working for a group home for boys in the foster care system. I felt like I was making a difference in those boys lives. I have to remind myself that I'm still making a difference, but in my precious grandkids' lives.

Really! It sounds like you have the same job now, but it is unpaid and costs you money....at least this way, they don't have to be in one of the homes you were working for. Being with grandma is better.
So your daughter lives with you?
do you lock up your valuables?
does she know if she starts using she has to leave?

I didn't have to deal with that...my son was out. and when he got out of rehab he went to a halfway house and a sober living house....

I bet, after doing this, you could get a job like your old one back in a heartbeat when the time comes.

Thanks blue violet, my daughter is in rehab now. She is supposed to go to sober living. The rehab facility has a step down program which teaches them how to live sober. She could be gone up to a year. They are required to get a job and they have an apartment with room mates. She is making noises like she wants to come home, but we told her no. She has to finish the program or live somewhere else. She has stole from us. This last round was the worst. She pawned my tablet, money was missing and she was sneaking out in our cars. We are handling it much differently this time. Setting firm boundaries. My husband told her tonight to quit calling me to complain and dump her problems on me. He told her that I have enough to do taking care of her kids. He told her to call him instead. He will keep it real for her. I'm the soft hearted one. I have no idea what the future holds but working on myself and keeping the faith that God will get us all through this.

wow. great that you and your husband are on the same page, and you have an awesome plan in place. Gold star for both of you.
DO NOT give her an out.
you are doing everything right. perfect. no advice...only kudos.

Hi Jeannine, I have a daughter who is an addict too she has a 4 year old son who she shares custody of with his father. They were supposed to get married, they bought a house, she had a good job, a nice car and she lost it all. I took her in because she had no where else to go, big mistake! We fought constantly in April I had had enough and after a physical fight I called the police and had her removed from my house. She went back to rehab and this time she went to a sober house after, it was run by a Christian Ministry. It was the best thing she could have done. She stayed there for 6 months and while she was gone I continued to share custody with my grandson's father, we have a good relationship so I never had a problem with seeing him.
When she first went there she wasn't allowed visits and she could not leave the property, they wanted her to focus on herself and her recovery. Slowly she was allowed to see her son and then she was allowed an overnight visit. I wasn't sure if I was going to let her come back home but as the months passed I began to see a change in her and some of my old daughter was coming back. I did allow her to come home a few weeks ago but this time I set very firm boundaries and told her that her first mistake was going to be her last and she would have to leave for good. I know its only been a couple of weeks but we are repairing our relationship, we've had a few bumbs in the road but nothing major. I'm trying to take it "one day at a time" and take care of me.
I can understand your feelings, I had them too, some days I'd be so mad at her I couldn't even stand the sight of her. I was heart broken too she could have had such a great life with a good man and beautiful son and she threw it all away for drugs. She's very lucky she's allowed to have partial custody of her son, she had to fight very hard in the courts for that!! I pray she hard learned from her mistakes because she knows she'll loose her son and me for good this time.
My best advice to you would be to try and take care of you. I know how hard it was for me with just 1 grandchild and you have 3. Your daughter is very lucky to have you and so are your precious grandchildren. Just do the best you can. I agree with blue let your husband deal with your daughter when he can, that will take the burden off you. Try and remember not to let this interfere with your marriage, make time for your husband when he's home.
I think you are doing a remarkable thing. Take care of yourself, I wish you all the luck in the world. I will keep you all in my prayers.

Hugs,
Pat

Thanks blue violet and Pat, the comments and advice is much appreciated. It's been difficult being in a new city and without my old support system. I am trying to get up the courage to go to an alanon meeting in my town. I've been to meetings a long time ago and didn't meet anyone. It could have been me, I'm a big ole introvert and don't do well approaching people I don't know. The groups I attended didn't feel very welcoming. So, I do know I need to give it another try. I know they can each be different. I will keep you guys in my prays as well.

I see there's a quite a few grandmas out there who are putting their lives on hold to raise their grandchildren while the parents get their lives in order. I too am one of them. And although I'm exhausted at the end of the day, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Yes, I am so thankful each day that I am capable of taking care of my grandkids. It can be very challenging at times, well most of the time, lol. I do throw myself a little pity party from time to time. I feel it's not fair that I have to give up my easy years since my kids are grown to raise hers, etc. Then, I look in my grandkids smiling faces and my party is over. I'm thanking God for every minute I have to be a positive influence and give them all my love

Just to add to this...I had my granddaughter (almost 4
Now) for the first almost three years 5 days a week. Sometimes on the weekends too. Mostly because they needed some help and she wasn't born healthy so daycare wasn't an option. She's great now. Thank God. I know how exhausted I was with one. At
The end of the day I would just collapse. They joy she brought to
Me was immeasurable.

I honestly applaud you for raising three. They will never forget the love and care and sacrifices you have made for them. Just wanted to say what you are doing for these children is wonderful. Your daughter is blessed to have you.

Thank you givenup, Being a grandparent takes you to a whole different level of love.