hi phoneix welcome to a great site filled with helpful and knowledgable people. Your neice is very lucky to have you. My son 18 who is in recovery was addicted to opiates benzos and eventually heroin It has been a very hard struggle but right now he is doing sooo much better that brings me to the question of what is your neice doing to support her recovery? therapy 12 step etc? I hear that each person is an individual and so is their recovery so it may take awhile untill she starts improving her attitude and sense of entitlement etc.. I know how frustrating that can be but it also has to do with the way the drugs affected their brains their brains stop maturing during their periods of drug use so that does affect their maturity. Anyway I wish you and her luck and i hope she continues with her sobriety if she does it will definetley get better! 1 day at a time Dee

Hello Pheonix and welcome. Just because she has stopped using doesn't mean the addivtive ways stopped. It take time, and I understand the sense of entitlement. I tuly believe it is a defenese mechnism. Like deehigs said,each individual approaches there sobriety differently and if she is doing step work,it may take her a lifetime to complete all 12. It is frustrating I know but try to talk it through with her,so you can understand how she feels and visa versa. Share with this group,it has been my saving grace,and read as much as possible, so you can better understand addiciton and the actions that are associated with it. It doesn't mean your going to feel any less anxious but knowledge is power and it will help you to understand the addicts behavior. One day at a time has a whole new meaning. hugs,

welcome. They said it all...

welcome!!! blessings to you for taking your niece. my experience with the addict in my life is that the entitlement attitude, or selfish, self centered behavior seems to be part of the disease. what helped me (and my anxiety) is to refuse to acknowledge that attitude at all. it took me time and practice. (my AH used it as a way to control and manipulate me). yes! stay in your program and stay here with us>

Hi Phoenix ,,, and welcome,,,, good start you seem to have your boundaries set,,,, just mean what you say, say what you mean,, until she works her recovery,,, you must be patient with her appreciate,, it's not going to happend when you want it to happen, but when it does,, oh you will feel it,,,, There I'd not point in continuously repeating yourself,,, really they only listen the first time ,,, learn to detach this is your addicts recovery,,, find one for yourself ,,,

Before an addict can give back,, they must find themselves,,, be patient,,, where there is life, there is hope


Hang in there!
Hugs
Kim

Thank you all so very much for your information and advice it's very helpful. Besides al-anon this is the best place I've been for help. Both places are great, you guys are all wonderful. It fills my heart just to know people care, and are going through the same thing. Regular people are sometimes clueless as was I till I started to learn. Just because she does one little stupid thing doesn't mean I have to kick her out. Some people think I should control her like a warden and I can't, that's stupid. She has to learn to be a grown girl by trial and error like everyone else. If she falls on her face once in a while, oh well.
I actually have been on DS for years as I have hep c (got it from blood transfussion)and am in full remission for 3 years now. Everyone in that group was very nice and encouraging to. :)

I'm really having a sad day actually yesterday & today. My niece & I had a bad argument yesterday & I feel so foolish at my age and supposed maturity. She apologized as did I & we worked it out for now, though there is stress & she doesn't want to stress me because she feels bad about it. I worry about upsetting her & causing a relapse, but I have to realize I can't cause it, it's her choice and if she relapses I can't take the blame for it. Al-anon taught me that. She started suboxone a few weeks ago because she said she needed it, I talked to a few people about it & got so many different opinions that I just put it in God's hands. So the doc ended up being a recovering addict himself so he knows how to take care of a person like that. Sorta like you can't con a con. She seems to not be energetic sometimes and lays around all day & other times she'll get busy & do some work. I sometimes feel like I've been thrown out of a plane with no parachute & other times I feel great & am so proud of how far she has come. I truly appreciate all info & advice.