Isn't that rich??!!! I agree - when I want to loose my cool, I have to force myself to remember I'm the rational one. When is it our time to loose it? Here I am every day making it through a rough time with no help from pills and drugs and I still have to have it all together??!! aauugghh

Not to offend you,,, out of curiosity,, what makes you think your findings a solution sitting in your truck,, drinking,, to calm you down,?,,, what makes your husband using any different,,, if you want a sober house,,, I would suggest sober living,,,

i am so tired of loosing my cool and then being the bad guy!!!!! now i do this silly little kids behavior sticker chart in my head ...each time i manage to be non-confrontational(ie :detached) i get a sticker- good for a treat (new shoes, handbag, big calorie ridden coffee drink etc ) works for me.
on the drinking issue: i have to say that one of the things that my addict has taken away from me is the ability to have a glass of wine in my own home, I AM NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. and yet ??????? alas there are no easy answers here. i will admit i have poured an inch of brandy into my tea cup after dinner from time to time. mostly i save my drinking for girl's night.

You have every right to lose it! I have given up on being the rational one, lol! The last time my husband pointed out that I was "freaking out" I reminded him (now that he is sober) that I have been on the other end of his freak outs for years, how would he like it if I acted like this every day? He shut up pretty quicky ;)

I cannot express the depths to which I despise drugs and alcohol. I too have drowned myself in alcohol rather then dealing with my emotions. My Grandmother passed this coping vice to my mother and so on,,,, I almost died by my own hands trying to escape overwhelming emotions. It stops here! I will no longer run from my emotions no matter how hurtful or painful they are. I'm sorry you're hurting. The following is an article I wrote some time ago. I thought it fitting. My thoughts are with you.


While dealing with my addiction issues I began to make significant changes in regards to my behavior. I jumped in with both feet and was determined to address every issue, which led me to addiction. A lifetime of dysfunction needed reprogramming and for the first time in my life I put my entire trust in the hands of another human being. My life was at the mercy of my therapist and if she asked me to jump I asked how high. My life was changing and I was becoming the person I am today. As I escaped my life of dysfunction it was becoming painfully obvious that I was beginning to out grow my s/o. Yes, I was recovering from cocaine addiction, but I had failed to see that my s/o was also living a life of addiction. The focus had always been on my addiction, allowing his to remain under the radar. Mine was unarguably illegal and wrong by any stretch of the imagination. My drug of choice was not one we share over a social conversation or after a hard days work but his IS acceptable.
When he finally caught me using drugs he refused to let me in our home or see the children until I went to treatment. His actions saved my life. It was this intolerance that pulled me from denial and forced me to my bottom. I stopped using July,13,2006 and began reclaiming my life. I left him in May of 2009 after asking him to stop the use of pot and alcohol for one month. He insisted I was over dramatic and he refused to see he had a problem. His denial was backed by this statement, Everyone drinks, its not illegal, and almost everyone smokes pot. Its practically legal.
Wow! How many of us think alcohol is merely a social drink? How many of us know alcoholics and believe its fine for us to drink even after we witness what this poison has done to them? Crazy how I could not see this until I began to deal with my dysfunction. This dysfunction distracted me not only from issues of the past, but also from everyday reality. All I had endured in my past, all I had done to myself, all of this kept me blinded from truth as obvious as my nose. Our society is failing us drastically. We allow this alcohol to strip our families of the realities of truth. We encourage an after work drink to relieve us of any emotions we may feel. We feed our stressful days with drinking, claiming we deserve it for the tough day we have endured. When crying is needed, we choke back tears and numb a feeling that was meant to separate us from animals. How many times had I created drama so I could feel justified in drowning it in a drink? So many times I looked for reasons to have that social drink and reasons to run from all that ached inside myself. Always looking forward or dwelling in the past, but never being still enough to hear the NOW. When the alcohol could no longer silence the shredded emotions of a child emotionally, physically, and sexually abused I turned to cocaine. I chose to kill any chance of freeing my soul from the hell dealt to me. I chose drugs to cope by further numbing anything that may ignite the tiny spark still smoldering inside. I did this as my children watched their role model spin out of control. This is the society we have made. A society excepting of substance abuse, rather then embracing the vulnerabilities that live within us all.
We place an age requirement on poison making it appear that much more inviting to the self proclaimed adult. Our teens begin drinking about the age of 14. They search their way through this life of smoke and mirrors mimicking what they have been taught. We scold them for their actions but do nothing to provide the necessary skills for living a fulfilled life. We dictate the chapters of our youth and how we walked a mile to school, telling a lost generation how easy they have it.
Easy? We turned our backs on religion because we chose to only see the flaws. We failed to give our children a spiritual alternative to what we dismissed. I see no ease in being part of a society dead inside. I see no ease in being fed material wealth while the best is not given so much as a sliver of bread. I see no ease in watching an elder generation walk amongst the dead. I see no ease in looking towards a future filled with weekend parties initiating their generation into what we consider adulthood. I see no ease in seeking material fulfillment while we starve out the essence of our being. I see no ease in watching role models willing to live a life of numbness, never feeling to their full capacity.
Our adult influences stare us in the face. We turn a blind eye to a society clouded by substances that suffocate the spirit. We criticize the actions of our children, always pointing out their flaws, but never showing them how to do it right. How do we teach our children what makes us happy when we havent found it for ourselves? How do we make decisions through this clouded mind? We are a society driven by greed. A society that measures success by the possessions we attain, dismissing the greatest gifts held within. We are a society who defends the gateway drug to all addictions. We are a society capable of standing on a pedestal proclaiming the harmful effects of tobacco, but close our eyes to the poison alcohol spews. It takes 3 generations to remove the psychological, and emotional damage of a family raised by alcoholic parents. We are a society in denial.

Spot on 6 bags. I had chills running down my spine reading your article. Thank you for sharing!

Well said 6bags,,, and a big hug,, what an inspiration you are!

I have to agree with Cardinal, will the bottle solve anything? I have NO problem letting loose when I'm fed up. LET it out...keeping it in is much worse. In therapy, I learned that the couch cushions are made to take a beating and they did for a while, but now, I have learned that sometimes, I just have to unleash that inner bitch now and then! And ya know what? They sit up and take notice. Now it is not even the high pitch, it is the look that i have acquired, they KNOW the LOOK, they know the eyes...and they both know that when that comes to them, that something needs to be changed.

But turning to the bottle? Good for the goose, good for the gander isn't always right. If it is rationality you are searching for, it won't be found there!

Strength to you!