Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Hi
I am currently in a clinic for a 3 week treatment program for severe depression and anxiety. Three weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me - we had been together for 7 years, 6 and a half of those years with him in active cocaine addiction. I supported him through all those years and through rehab last October, then as he was approaching 4 months clean he dropped the bombshell that he is breaking up with me, I must move back to my parents (his reasons - he doesn't know who he is, he needs to learn to live by himself etc. All of which I can understand.. but to end a 7 year relationship over?) Now we still talk and he has visited me in the clinic - my therapist has said that he doesn't want me to have any contact at all with him, that he will just pull me down.The problem is I still love him (despite all he has done to me) and I see him as my best friend. Everyone keeps saying to me "But would someone who is YOUR best friend treat you that way?", obviously I can't disagree with their logic.... But how do I cut off all contact when I still have these feelings?
Please help....
I am currently in a clinic for a 3 week treatment program for severe depression and anxiety. Three weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me - we had been together for 7 years, 6 and a half of those years with him in active cocaine addiction. I supported him through all those years and through rehab last October, then as he was approaching 4 months clean he dropped the bombshell that he is breaking up with me, I must move back to my parents (his reasons - he doesn't know who he is, he needs to learn to live by himself etc. All of which I can understand.. but to end a 7 year relationship over?) Now we still talk and he has visited me in the clinic - my therapist has said that he doesn't want me to have any contact at all with him, that he will just pull me down.The problem is I still love him (despite all he has done to me) and I see him as my best friend. Everyone keeps saying to me "But would someone who is YOUR best friend treat you that way?", obviously I can't disagree with their logic.... But how do I cut off all contact when I still have these feelings?
Please help....
If HE was in rehab, and they said no contact, you would do it...so he must respect what is best for you.
And when you are well, you will feel so much better about a new beginning, freedom from constant stress and worry.
Listen, our batteries get so worn down that we can't recharge without help. Stop the energy going out, and build it up in yourself.
Just because we love someone doesn't mean it works out. Love them is not enough - we all know that...if loving them was enough, none of us would be here!
Be well. Be good to yourself.
If you were together for 7 years, its only natural for you to grieve the loss of the relationship, just as we grieve those who have passed. You can't make him feel something he doesn't and as Blue said, loving someone is not enough. In a good relationship, love must be a two way street or it cannot last. And why would you want to be with someone who doesn't love you? You deserve better.
Allow yourself to grieve so you can heal. Part of the grieving process is acceptance. That is why your therapist wants you to end all contact, because how can you learn to accept his absence and heal if he still comes around? Your suffering will never end if you think you guys can be "best friends". That never works.
I hope you find the strength to get past this and realize that your life can be happy and fulfilling without your boyfriend. Life marches on and so must we all move forward even when we are sad. Time helps heal all wounds. Give yourself time and you will see.