The beat goes on.
Joe

If you have read a lot of the previous posts then - like Joe says - The Beat goes on! Sounds exactly like my neice, daughter and "so-called" father of my grandson. They are adults and have to want and get help thereselves. They are responsable for their actions, not you and your sister.

I am so srry for your pain and I understand how heartbreaking this is for you as I have been through it with 2 kids.
My advice would be that you pray that she gets jail time (my daughter did) because it is a real wake up call and it sounds like that is exactly what she needs.You nor your sister can help. This is her battle and her reality and the sooner she gets that message the sooner she will choose her path in life....rehab or not. Sorry but that is the way it is. We are here for you.

LYNDYLOU, THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND REPLY. I AM WITH YOU, I THINK SHE NEEDS TO DO JAIL TIME. NOTHING ELSE HAS GIVEN HER A WAKENING, AND I'M NOT SURE IF JAIL TIME WOULD DO THIS FOR HER EITHER. ONLY TIME WILL TELL, AND IN THE MEAN TIME I CAN HOPE AND PRAY FOR THE BEST. AGAIN THANK YOU:)

i will keep ya'll in my prayers, i am sorry ur family is going through this.

Hello All,

I am Momshere's older sister and the mother of the niece she speaks of. My sister told me about this support group and I have to say that it feels good to know that you do not have to face the lunacy alone. As my sister stated, I contacted an interventionist and the cost was going to be quite prohibitive. I do agree that my daughter needs a wake-up call...that she needs to face consequences for her destructive choices in life. Unfortunately, I feel that the drugs and alcohol have destroyed her brain, literally. What would be an obvious wake-up call for those of us without an addiction, she simply does not see it or feel it....the "common sense" signal has been turned off. She has already been jailed. Once as a teenager (actually a court mandated halfway house) for 5 days, and a 24 hour stint in the county jail for her first DUI that was reduced for reckless driving. The only thing I see for her short of recovery...is death. I've pretty much resigned myself to this. No matter what I do or don't do (Tough Love) as Joe stated...the beat goes on. My last conversation with her, if you could call it that...was to tell her not to contact me. Her parting words were something I cannot post...at least nothing a daughter should ever say to her mother. Now I am rambling...thank you for reading. Blessings to all of you, may hope, peace and joy fill your lives even through these most difficult of times.

You are right that SHE is the one who needs to admit to a problem and wants the help. Until they come out of denial, you are just spinning your wheels. My hubby has addressed some of his issues, but still drinks-with his meds! and doesn't see a problem. I will keep you in my prayers

You did not mention whether or not your niece has a mental illness. Allowin her to hit the bottom and find her way out is the way to go if sometone is not mentally ill. However, if she has been diagnosed as depressed, bipolar, etc., then to incarcerate her without proper medical treatment puts her in a different situation. I assume that when she began abusing drugs as a teenager, a mental health evaluation was made. If she sees a Dr. or therapist, that person might make a recommendation of intervention options, or something like a Baker Act, if your state has that option. Good luck.

24 hours in jail is not much.
My big brother went once for 24 hours, an other time for a week (reduced to 4 days) and finally got a six month jail time, (he got out a month and a half before the end of his time).
The two first didn't change nothing. The last one changed him a lot. first, it was pretty long, second, for the first time my mother didn't help him with anything (seeing a lawyer, preparing his defense, speaking to his probation agent in a way to get him out early, etc.) He's now really determined to get and stay clean. He looks pretty better, healtier, than before.

He still have an other trial to go, about what he did in the past, and makes everything he can to get himself together, to show that he behaves well, and he wishes he won't get in jail, but will be sentenced to an addiction free environment for a year. If he's sentenced to it, that would be free, he doesn't have the money to pay to go there by himself...

Well, now I'm rambling, but all that is to tell you that there is still hope. The jail time of my older brother was enough a wake-up call for my younger brother who stopped by his own, found a work, and is reimbursing the money he stole from our mother...

I wish for you she'll hit her bottom before she dies. But for that noone around her must enable her. would it be lending money to pay her bills, directly pay her bills, take her in, or else. She has to face the full consequences of her actions. Only by that way will she hit her bottom.

I wish you luck, strength, will and courage...

Thank all of you for your positive thoughts. To answer BAB09's question of Menal Illness. Since my daughter is an adult. I am not able (yet) to get her formally diagnosed. It's sad that something short of death must occur before that can occur. I am still looking into an intervention that will not be cost prohibative as my husband lost his job in mid January. I don't want to put a price on intervening with my daughter's downward spiral. However, if I am not financially sound, it does not do any good to get pulled down with her. If I thought for a moment that she was truly ready. I would do whatever I could. I know that sounds like "double talk" In one hand I cannot afford it and in the other I would do whatever I could. The truth is...she is not willing. Even after her court appearance just this past week. She is out partying and getting loaded, complaining that she has not money to her Sister. Unfortunately, she was able to get her father (not my current husband) to give her money and pay for her auto insurance. What I did not mention in my last post was her father and I were married for 21 years. He was drug and alcohol addicted and his disease was a source of contention throughout our marriage. He finally was forced to get sober when he dropped a wing skin of a jetliner (Boeing) as a crane operator and was given the choice of rehab or losing his job of 20 years...he made the right choice. Only after that he used his sobriety as an addiction and ended up leaving me for a woman he met in AA. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter...I know this sounds cliche...but it was the best thing that ever happened to me...but that's for another support group discussion. The problem here is my 29 year old daughter and the tormented wait for her to hit bottom. Sorry for the long post...I know there will be more to speak about in late April when her sentencing is handed down. Bless you all for your thoughts, comments and above all prayers. ShelaBug

SHELABUG, ITS ME YOUR SISTER:) YOU KNOW THE FIRST REPLY I HAD ON THIS DISCUSSION FROM JOE, REALLY SUMS UP WHAT IS GOING ON WITH OUR "RAT". I PRAY FOR HER DAILY, BUT AGAIN WE KNOW IT IS ONLY HER THAT CAN MAKE THE MAGIC HAPPEN:) YOU KNOW I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU, AND HER. THIS SITE REALLY BRINGS LIGHT TO THE SITUATION YOU ARE DEALING WITH. LOVE YA LOTS, AND GOD BLESS!!!

You can wait for her to hit bottom or help her get there faster. Have you discussed with court having her court ordered rehab. I know they have to be ready but i do know that everytime they get help it plants seeds and it can eventually work so they stay sober. Its taken my husband 9 yrs to get to the point now where he chooses sobriety. With each time he got help and believe me he fought hard not to go but the times between his using grew shorter.
Since most addicts/alcoholics get clean either when they are young or its not until they get old, your daughter still has a chance shes young. There is help out there and you don't have to spend $40,000 to get it. State programs, Salvation Army in my area is a place for woman only.

There's a lot of advice here, I can see that, and support. I guess what I want to know is, where's this bottom that everyone must hit before they can supposedly climb back up? For the past 5 years, I have watched my child go from being a loving caring and beautiful being to a mean mouthy unrecognizable thing. Sarted with the usual stuff, missing curfews, neglecting schoolwork, some drinking. Moved onto the criminal things..stealing, moving violations, drug paraphernalia charges, then the biggie, getting caught with ecstasy. Was offered intervention in lieu of conviction and got 6 weeks from completion and popped positive for pot and cocaine at her probation officers visit. She now sits in a facility near here for several months. I have come to realize that these are HER issues, but I am still looking for ways for me to deal with what I'm feeling, which varies from violent anger at her to complete heartsickness that this is my child who has to face her demons alone. I need to hear what others have to say about this, peple who have faced it or who are still facing it. Thanks for listening.

Thank You Katrinka for your concern and what great ideas! If I started writing about the past 10 years with my daughter, my posts would be neverending. It is kind of difficult to sum it up in a few short paragraphs...however, just being able to share with others who are in the same or nearly the same situation, helps ease the pain. Mothers and daughters usually share a special bond, a complicated bond. I would have never thought that my daughter would end up like this. She was such a bright little girl, very outgoing and could make friends with anyone she chose.Unfortunately, she chose the wrong kind of people to associte with. It's not like I am in denial. I was on to her from the very beginning. I tried every parenting trick in the book. I ALWAYS let her know that there was nothing so horrible in this world that she could not come and talk to me about and I kept that door open until approx. one month ago. At first, I felt horribly guilty. However, now, I know that I am doing the right thing. Her behavior is absolutely unacceptable and will not be tolerated. The only thing I will accept from her is a willingness to seek treatment. She knows this and if she ever decides to make that choice (or the choice may be made for her at her sentencing for DUI later this month) I will once again "be there" for her. I dream of the day I will have my daughter back....healthy....sober....living the life she needs to live to find her own true happi ness. Take Care all of my new DS friends. ShelaBug