Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
SO, it's been three weeks since I tossed my son out. Had had ENOUGH! Recap: three years of battling heroin, did a 4 month stint in jail for possession, enrolled in college with his GI bill, seemed happy, came home 12/15 for xmas break until 1/15 and two days prior to going back I found out he flunked out and couldn't return to college. He had his dorm paid for by his GI bill, he had it ALL and BLEW it. At xmas he didn't even get so much as a CARD for us. Told each of us he took care of the other, then on xmas eve told us he hadn't any $$ so didn't get anything for anyone. Not the idea of presents, it is the thought principle that got me. Anyhow, he has called begging to come home, I just tell him now. He was calling everyday to check in. Seems he is still using something by his FB postings and videos.
THEN on Sunday he called, he wanted me to drive 45 min to pick him up to bring him to meet with his birth father and grandmother whom he hasn't seen for 20 YEARS! He didn't want to 'put them out' REALLY? Flat NO came out of my mouth. Well they picked him up and he posted how it was the best birthday ever and he is now 'family' etc. THAT side of the family is full of lies, thievery and just flat out CRAZINESS! I haven't seen them in 20 years as well, they told him how they hired PI's to find him and blah blah blah....they are NUTS! So have I gotten a phone call? NOPE...didn't want to put them out, yeah they've been SO present in his 22 years. WTH?
And my poor husband, his step-father, yeah they never got along because my hard working awesome husband knows what a lazy ass this kid is and they butted heads. My hubby would never say anything as I continued to 'enable' our son.....but finally last night he said he was worried about him. I never told him much about my 1st marriage but that he was a drunk, used loads of cocaine, milked me out of about 30K in savings and was physically and verbally abusive to me AND my son. i know he feels badly and feels shunned, my son NEVER calls him and treats him like crap. Which he has NO right to. My hubby works sooo hard, we have a gorgeous home, we are not rich, but we are comfortable.
WHY or WHY can I not have a freaking normal life? I sit here looking out the window waiting for the kid and the ex butt head to show up. And I KNOW it will be ugly. And I KNOW they filled him with lies. He even tried to tell the court that my Mother was cashing his measly 30.00/week child support money orders (my folks had money they didn't need his for sure).....He stopped going to visitations....His mother gave a bad check to the resturant that held our rehersal dinner, my father ended up paying that too AND she was an HOUR late to our wedding, she came down the aisle behind us in FLIP FLOPS! Nice for the video huh? They are idiots! BUT it is all he has now.
Thank GOD I have therapy today! I need it.
So my son wants his electric guitar. Yeah, the one that I got from the pawn shop. It is worth about 1200-1500 bucks and he pawned it for 50.00 bucks and I found out and went and rescued it. i told him until that 50.00 is reimbursed, it was MINE...he was TICKED! Told him if it wasn't for me, it wouldn't even BE here! I have a mind to sell it for it's worth and consider it 'back rent' that he never paid for 2 years.
Supposedly that side of the family got him a job taking care of an elderly gentleman. Really? He can't take care of hIMSELF! He can't even flush the TOILET when he's done. Are they NUTS? He has no license and they are okay with him driving him to the Dr's etc....they are just out of their minds but it is okay with them.
Now, I will just not take his calls, maybe even unfriend him on fb, but I'm too nosey for that. LOL...
The sad part is that I know now, that he will believe everything they tell him. It's all he has. I'm the bad guy. His birth father owes over 60K in back child support, yes I went to court at one point a long time ago, the courts 'let him go home to get his checkbook' he never came back nor did they arrest him. Why bother.
I guess let them deal with it now.
Thanks for letting me vent.
He evidentally likes his life style going from couch to couch. We provided an awesome home, great neighborhood and he gravitates towards that lifestyle, well, that is his choice, so be it. My door is closed and sadly, so is my heart.
I guess what is bothering me is this: Is it possible not to love your child anymore?
THEN on Sunday he called, he wanted me to drive 45 min to pick him up to bring him to meet with his birth father and grandmother whom he hasn't seen for 20 YEARS! He didn't want to 'put them out' REALLY? Flat NO came out of my mouth. Well they picked him up and he posted how it was the best birthday ever and he is now 'family' etc. THAT side of the family is full of lies, thievery and just flat out CRAZINESS! I haven't seen them in 20 years as well, they told him how they hired PI's to find him and blah blah blah....they are NUTS! So have I gotten a phone call? NOPE...didn't want to put them out, yeah they've been SO present in his 22 years. WTH?
And my poor husband, his step-father, yeah they never got along because my hard working awesome husband knows what a lazy ass this kid is and they butted heads. My hubby would never say anything as I continued to 'enable' our son.....but finally last night he said he was worried about him. I never told him much about my 1st marriage but that he was a drunk, used loads of cocaine, milked me out of about 30K in savings and was physically and verbally abusive to me AND my son. i know he feels badly and feels shunned, my son NEVER calls him and treats him like crap. Which he has NO right to. My hubby works sooo hard, we have a gorgeous home, we are not rich, but we are comfortable.
WHY or WHY can I not have a freaking normal life? I sit here looking out the window waiting for the kid and the ex butt head to show up. And I KNOW it will be ugly. And I KNOW they filled him with lies. He even tried to tell the court that my Mother was cashing his measly 30.00/week child support money orders (my folks had money they didn't need his for sure).....He stopped going to visitations....His mother gave a bad check to the resturant that held our rehersal dinner, my father ended up paying that too AND she was an HOUR late to our wedding, she came down the aisle behind us in FLIP FLOPS! Nice for the video huh? They are idiots! BUT it is all he has now.
Thank GOD I have therapy today! I need it.
So my son wants his electric guitar. Yeah, the one that I got from the pawn shop. It is worth about 1200-1500 bucks and he pawned it for 50.00 bucks and I found out and went and rescued it. i told him until that 50.00 is reimbursed, it was MINE...he was TICKED! Told him if it wasn't for me, it wouldn't even BE here! I have a mind to sell it for it's worth and consider it 'back rent' that he never paid for 2 years.
Supposedly that side of the family got him a job taking care of an elderly gentleman. Really? He can't take care of hIMSELF! He can't even flush the TOILET when he's done. Are they NUTS? He has no license and they are okay with him driving him to the Dr's etc....they are just out of their minds but it is okay with them.
Now, I will just not take his calls, maybe even unfriend him on fb, but I'm too nosey for that. LOL...
The sad part is that I know now, that he will believe everything they tell him. It's all he has. I'm the bad guy. His birth father owes over 60K in back child support, yes I went to court at one point a long time ago, the courts 'let him go home to get his checkbook' he never came back nor did they arrest him. Why bother.
I guess let them deal with it now.
Thanks for letting me vent.
He evidentally likes his life style going from couch to couch. We provided an awesome home, great neighborhood and he gravitates towards that lifestyle, well, that is his choice, so be it. My door is closed and sadly, so is my heart.
I guess what is bothering me is this: Is it possible not to love your child anymore?
Just needed to add that as well.
What I'm trying to say is to distance yourself and give yourself some time. They apparently deserve eachother, and he will fall on his face. He will find his "rock bottom"...one day.
Take care of you now!
I wondered just two weeks ago if I no longer loved my son. I had so much anger inside that it masked all of the good feelings I had toward him. This past week, though, has gone really well. We went grocery shopping together, he has mostly stayed home and gotten along with everyone and seems to be staying sober. It only took a few days before I started thinking about how much I really do love him. So, I think your love for your son is there, but it's covered up with a whole lot of well-deserved anger.
Now you need to take care of yourself and let go of that anger. There's a quote that I repeat to myself when I get too angry, and it helps me calm down. It's "resentment is taking poison and waiting for the other person to die".