Hi and welcome to the group.
My X abuses pain killers too and has a back problem. He did abuse alcohol long before his back problem though so for him just continuing his addiction with pain killers instead of alcohol.
Does your husband abuse alcohol also?

We always help each other in unexpected ways...such a good thing!
wanted to tell u when u said in your post he was ashamed it made me think of the addict in my life and I do think he has overwhelming shame for his behavior in his off state of mind and his behavior was outrageous!!
I think they know how wrong they have behaved but can't acknowledge it fully because many times it has been so overhelming & crazy & harmful to others!
Seems like their behavior is a result of their thinking and their thinking is a result of their sick mind either due to addiction or some mental illness so it makes a lot of sense that when they ever have those times of clear thinking that they would be overwhelmed with shame.
It would make sense that what I see even now with my X is overwhelming shame for his past outrageous behavior.
Thank you for your post.
any thoughts on this?

HI. Glad that you found us. Sorry that you are going through so much stress. It can't be good for your health...Mentally or physically.
I hope you can find a sense of peace somehow in all the madness.

Welcome Cat. I am new to this group as well. I understand your feelings of isolation. My 22 yr old son is an addict, and we didn't tell family and friends until very recently (he didn't want anyone to know). In trying to respect his privacy we kept secrets from those that we loved, and told lies. I'm not proud of those particular choices that we made, but hind sight is 20/20. During the time that we were doing this we isolated ourselves from friends and family.
As I mentioned, we have shared our sons story (he was ready) with family and a few close friends now. I feel better because I'm not the type of person that lies:(
Just know that you are not alone. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!

Thanks all. To answer blessuall, my husband was a functioning alcoholic when we met 16 years ago. I didn't know, either I am dumb as hell or he was a real good lying SOB. Then the 1st year we were married he was diagnosed with rectal and colon cancer. He hasn't drank since his first chemotherapy. He was also adddicted to pain pills then, but I didn't know it. He had gotten clean, but when he had a vasectomy he was given pain meds and it started all over again. A couple of months after we were married,, my Mother and Father came over to our house and confronted him about stealing pain medicines from their house. He denied it then but after they left and I threatened to take my son and leave he admitted it to me. That is when I told him that the only things that would make me leave him was if he ever lied to my face, stole from my family again, or if he let this addition affect our children.
Well since then he has had 14 surgeries in 16 years and is permantly disabled. I am also disabled, my stepson is Bi-polar with alcoholism, ADHD, and OCD.He also has full custody of his 3 year old son. (he, they, everyone has lived with us since the baby was 6 months old) He will be going to jail soon, Just for a week, but taking care of my grandson will be hard on me. He is getting better. New doctors, counciling and AA have helped him alot. Totaling my car scared him pretty straight.
My son is pretty ok. A little slow and inmature. He is a little lazy and kind of a horder but works 2 part time jobs and can't find full time work. Or a girl friend. He's 22 and hasn't been in a serious relationship yet. I don't know how any of them could survive in the world alone.
Sorry this is so long. I wish I had somewhere to go sometimes. The fight about my Xanex has had me exhausted. But I have to keep doing what has to be done. Parenting never stops even if I have to parent my own spouse.

Hi and welcome,,,, just keep in mind,,, that your not alone,, although our addicts are different,, the addiction remains the common fact.,,, first,,, educate yourself on addiction,, and learn the behavior traits of an addict,,,learn the difference between enabling and helping the addict,,you are not your husband's parent,,, so there should be no need to be "parenting" him,,, for the sake of your sanity,,, simply hide all your medication,, this way you don't have to worry about him stealing them,,, the reason for his with drawing from you all,,, even though the drug takes over the addict they do feel ashame,, and by not confronting you all,,, he can use,, without having to be confronted,,, sometimes those are excuses,,, which are reasons filled with lies,,,, your husband is a grown man,,, and from what I'm reading,, acting like a child that got caught with his hand in the cookie jar,,,,, you can't stop him from using,, but you can stop giving in to him,,, you can't change him,, but you can change you,,,

Hello and Welcome. Addicts Lie.. It is the most devastating and hurtful part of addiction, but as we learn more about the disease, we also start to understand that there is a difference between the person we love and the addict that they become. I haven't heard that he is going to get help? In the meantime, make sure that you take care of you.