Welcome. You've come to the right place.

You are right that he has a very bad alcohol addiction. He drinks mouthwash because it has alcohol in it. He is physically addicted and will be sick if he doesn't have alcohol in his system. If he does not get help, starting with a medically supervised detox, he is going to get worse. Eventually, his alcoholism can lead to severe illness and may be fatal. Without help, your life today is as good as it's going to be.

Alcoholism will often lead to job loss and legal consequences. If he has empty bottles of mouthwash in his car, it means that he is driving while drunk. I hope that you and your children don't ever get in a car with him. In fact, if he will only get help if ordered by the courts, you could help that along. Call the police if you see him drive in his car after drinking. He will probably get court-ordered alcohol treatment. You may save his life and the life of anyone else that he may hurt if he gets into an accident.

Kids know more than you think they do. Even if they don't know about mouthwash, they know about his drinking. They know that you tolerate it. Considering that many kids start drinking while teenagers, perhaps it would be good for you to have a conversation with them on the topic of responsible drinking to offset the example they are getting from him.

I suggest the books Codependent No More and Getting Your Loved One Sober. Al Anon meetings have been very helpful for some. Your kids may also want to join Ala Teen.

Thank you for your response. I know its killing him he has chronic pancreatitis and hep C. My children know to stay away from him when he gets hurt. He works 2nd shift so my kids don't see him much during the week.. I just want to know if I'm wrong in having a relationship w/ him because all his problems. I'm so alone and his family hates me. I've tried to make him lead a better life somewhat, I mean I got him to start working and do for the better of things. I'm just lost in my own world about everything, and that's a sad issue to deal w/. Will you friend my on here plz? Thank you

you aren't doing yourself any favors. It isn't going to get better unless he wants to get better...only worse. My son was an alcoholic, and he was throwing up blood, and it got him to go detox. Nothing I did made any difference at all...for years and years.
Donna made great suggestions...tons of them.
You just have to remember that this does influence the teens...no matter how little they see...your being in a relationship with him is making a statement. Even if they didn't start drinking...what if they end up with a partner just like him?
You need to go to alanon. get counseling, learn about what is enabling...and take care of yourself. Then you need to take care of your kids.
he is on his own, and really? that is what he wants. For now. (never give up hope...plan for the worst, hope for the best)...he has a love of his life...a devotion above all others...and it isn't you. it is alcohol.

I am sorry if that makes you sad.
He is very, very far along on his journey.

I'm afraid to go to counseling, I don't want them to know about me having kids then they will think I'm am unfit mother and try to take them away. That's my worst fear in the world . I'm not working because of a incident that happened when I was a teenager, so I have a lot on my plate to take care of and I can't do it on my own now that my kids are older. I use to be able to when they were younger. That's why I don't want him to leave is cause he helps out a lot w/ the bills and other things. Yes I do love him too but when he was on a alcohol monitor where he couldn't drink was when I fell in love. But I fell in love w/ who he really is not. So that's how I'm alone in this world I bottle so much up because I have to I have none to talk too. No friends hardly any family.

If your children over 16 and aren't being abused, the courts wouldn't take them away, Unfortunately, your children are learning a lot from him, and not positive ones.Help is available,as the others suggested, but you have to want it.

He not bad to them he works 2nd shift so doesn't see them they the week and on weekends he does side work or he's practice playing softball w/ my daughter or showing my son how to work on things outside. Their dad isn't in their life and even if he was he drinks too and my dad and step mom drinks and they are over there sometimes. I rarely drink and when I do its not around my kids. I'm not giving him excuses at all he does need help for his health is getting worse

Thank you to all who replied to this post

You can't make him do anything. You're lonely and for whatever reason, you don't think you deserve any better than what he's giving you. I didn't work and had no car of my own. I kicked my husband out and eventually had to go to a women's shelter with 3 small children. I only had to stay for 3 months. They helped me get a job, a car, and a place.

You have feelings for him but is it love? Does it matter if it is? Do you deserve to live that life? You're not married to him. Your children are
not his children.

Don't for one minute think your children are not being hurt just as
much as you are, living with a dysfunctional person. He may be a good guy but he has a bad problem and doesn't value himself or his relationship with you and your kids enough to seek help for it. That is so sad but it's his choice.

And kids don't say anything because, what can they say? They have no choice but to stay in whatever situation you put them in. You condition them to believe it's okay for a person to behave a certain way. Then (sometimes) when they grow up, they see nothing wrong with it. And the cycle continues. But most of the time they see that weren't important enough that their well-being was put before the adults.
I would have given anything to get away from the abuse I suffered as a child. Not one single person cared enough to fight for me. And I couldn't fight for myself. Healing can't begin soon enough, for you and them.

Do you want your daughter to eventually live with a man exactly like him? Yes? No? If not, why are you forcing her to live with him now?

You're not helping him by staying. You're only hurting yourself and your kids. 1, 5, 10 years from now? What will you have to show for it?

I married two alcoholics and had children with both. I've never drank. I married those men because I didn't think a 'normal, functioning', man could love me if he knew about my horrific childhood. My children ended up without fathers and I ended up wasting 15 years of my life in loneliness, fear, regret, anger, and guilt. And all of this while he was still in the house.

You're going to have see that you deserve a better relationship. That you deserve honesty, openness, someone willing to change so
they can be a better person for you, and themselves. And you need to be all those things as well, for yourself. You can't expect someone else to make you happy.

He's pitiful. The claws of addiction are dug in and he can't see a way to get free. But you are not responsible for a grown man's decisions. He has to make the decision and, so far he has. He's decided that drinking is more important to him than you or your children.

Now you have to decide what is more important to you? Pain hurts, but the freedom from all the heartache you're going through now is worth it. Don't waste another 5 years. It won't get better. I guarantee you'll see the effects of this choice in the lives of your children one day. Please get them into counseling. They have feelings about this too. They need to know that their feelings matter.