Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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lsaddness
lsaddness
I am new to this but I am glad I found it. My husband and I just found out our 20 year old is a herion addict. She is going to college in Co but we live in another State. We went to her apartment one day last week because we had heard she may need some help and she was out of money and I could not give her any more money and I could not figure out where she was spending it. Well it was not on food I can tell you that. It was just heart breaking to see the condition of the apartment and her car. It was not like our daughter thats for sure. After a long talk with her she said she would like to come home to detox , but she informed us she was coming back to Co. So we jumped on the fact she wanted help and to come home. She is in a detox center right now 2 hours from our home. She is willing to go to rehab when she gets done but only if its in CO. I have been driving to see her everyday but today she said she did not want me to come. It just breaks my heart. This is day 3 and im sure shes not feeling well but I just wish I could see her . I do not want her to go back to CO bu I do under stand its not my choice she considered a adult. When I talk to her im not sure how far to push things she gets very up set. She still has not excepted how bad her living conditions were. But she has said the using of the drug is her fault no one elses and no one made her do it. She did it alone and with no one around. I just dont understand and Im so sad over this. Not just me but her dad, my husband and her sisters just let her know how much we love her and want her to get better but she pushes us away.. Is that normal when they are going thru detox? I just dont know what to do...or how to keep her close to us. If she goes back to Co I cant always be there ...... Any suggestions?
jainlor
jainlor
detoxing is very difficult and it is good for you to show your support now that she is getting help. we didn't cause it, we can't fix it and we can't change it. only she can and it looks like she is getting the help she needs. please continue to love and support her as she is getting well. this is every parents worst nightmare and i feel your pain as i have been there. do not give up hope! x0x0
deehigs
deehigs
Hi Welcome to our little group full of wonderful knowledgable people. I too have been where you are and I know how SHOCKING it is to discover your child has become a heroin addict. I will tell you that her pushing you away right now is very common for a multitude of reasons. I am glad that she decided to take the help offered to her that is a good sign. Read past posts on here alot of us are parents of young heroin addicts it is a major epidemic affecting young teens/adults mostly from the suburbs that started on pills and ended up on heroin cause it's cheaper. I would also reccomend that you find some type of support group in your area they will not judge you or your daughter because they have all been there and understand. Please know this is not your fault and as hard as it is try to remain hopeful and learn all you can about addiction it really does make a difference when learning how best to deal with your daughter. My son 19 is in recovery right now working on his sobriety it is hard work but it is possible today is 91 days clean for him.I will say we have been there before (108 days) and he relapsed but often times that is very likely as long as they keep tryiing don't ever give up hope! Keep coming here many people will help you here and we understand. Dee
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
If she really wants to get better...all her energy has to go towards herself right now. My son's rehab didn't allow visitors for the first month. We saw him once after two months for a family counceling, and then once two months later at a different rehab for part two counceling. that was it. But he worked 24/7 on getting well in his mind, body and spirit...and when he was out? meetings all the time, interupting everything...and it isn't until this year...3 1/2 years later, that he can actually be ok to miss a meeting now and then...(he still goes at least two or 3 times a week)...
It isn't about you feeling better...it is about her doing her work. Love her enough to leave her alone. She will come back to you when she is ready...that is actually part of the program. You can't control, cure or cause addiction...so put it in God's hands and use the time to rest and get better as a family. We have shared your pain. Be well.
beantown
beantown
I am also the mother of a heroin addict. He is in recovery right now but we have been through the emotional ringer with him for almost 5 years. This is a battle your daughter will have to fight on her own; you can't do it for her and all you can do is BE there for her when and if she needs you. The hardest lesson my husband and I have had to learn is that we need to get out of our son's way and let him make his own decisions about his addiction. We learned the hard way that we cannot and should not orchestrate his recovery. We can set boundaries and support his good decisions but we cannot force him to follow or stick to a program. And most importantly, we learned that we should not shield him from the consequences of his actions. I hope your daughter is serious about her recovery and that she commits herself to it. It will take a great deal of commitment and effort on her part. This process has been the most painful period of our lives, but it also has been an edifying one. We have become stronger because of it, strength we have had to rely on over and over, and may still have to rely on again. God give you the courage to get through this very trying time.
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
I keep posting and then thinking of more.drat.
make boundaries, learn not to enable. take that damn seriously. learn all you can about addiction (lurk on the pages for addicts here on ds too)...you don't give her money...not for a long while. You can't prevent her using again...but you have to have a contract with her of what your course of action will be if she does. and you have to live by it. Read some of the older posts about it here...there is so much to learn. You will be so busy. She feels bad about herself now. she will get better...she needs time, meetings, rehab.
seashell6
seashell6
I am from CO! I miss my home! I left because of addiction....i know how terrible it is to have a family member addicted.......
Once she gets detoxed....thats the easy part, the hard part is not going back to it. The biggest problem she will face is staying away from those people she used with. When you are in recovery, you HAVE to get rid of all the friends you used with, because they are all triggers. You can't babysit her, she has to do this herself....but she desperately needs a support system....there are some wonderful support groups and rehab and outpatient facilities in CO....If you can hook her up with some of that, it could be very beneficial to her, but the most important thing is she not go back into the same setting she was in....Feel free to reach out to me if you need anything!
deleted_user
deleted_user
it's good that she is safe right now and getting help. let her do the work, it is difficult i know. i am glad you joined this group. it helps me alot. just knowing that other parents feel the way we do and we're not alone. there are good tips to use that really help.
i was bound and determined that i would get my daughter better--but i know SHE has to do it for her or it won't work. my daughter called last week and wanted money i gave her two numbers to rehab. she told me she would call later but she liked her lifestyle the way it was--i told her to go live it and leave me alone but no matter what i loved her. she didn't know what to say back to me. i felt like i did the right thing for once and i didn't cry(until that night).
i really hope your daughter follows through. i will pray for you.hang in there.there are good days and really bad days,but we r here for you.
dmatt124
dmatt124
hello and Welcome, and as many of us we have found this site and each other, because we were so lost, shocked and truly needed direction. your story is similar to mine ( my son/ Opiates) in college last year, spiraling, using up a $500.00 month allowance like it was nobodys business, I knew something wasn't right, but drugs was the farthest thing from my mind. My son an athelete, anti drug, wouldn't take a tylenol, was in fact an addict. The great thing is she is in detox, and also on a physical and emotional rollercoaster, so what she is doing is very common as my friends have shared. You said something very important she is in control. I wish I would have realized that early on. This is her journey you can help her by setting boundaries and supporting her recovery. It is so very hard, because we want to do it for them, but we can't. But if she wants to be sober she can, it takes committment and detemination. My son is ( 10 months sober) he relasped multiple times which is a part of recovery. I know the heartache, the feeling of desperation and isolation, but please know there is nothing you can't say, or share with us, that one of us hasn't or is going through. please remember this, you cannot control your addict but you can control your life. Take care of you so that you may be strong for yourself and your family and never give up hope. She can be well. Giving you warm hugs and keeping you in my prayers.