I am sorry. heroin is that word we are all so scared of but according to my son oxycontin is just as bad...just doesn't sound as bad. any kind of hydromorphone, Percocet etc...they are al bad. my thoughts are prayers are with you as you decide how to handle this. you didn't cause it and you can't fix it - remember that. give it to God. God grant me the serenity .....

Well my emotions are all over the place. First of all, I'm afraid for his life. I feel like the next call I get is going to be that he is dead. I'm worried, angry, confused, hurt, guilty. Frustrated with all the red tape you have to go through to get him the help he needs but doesn't admit or want. He is in denial....minimizes the problem..".Mom, it's not as bad as you think." I'm finding it very difficult to concentrate at work and I don't have a personal life to speak of. He has consumed all of my time and energy for so long, I'm just worn out. Maybe I'm the one who should seek counseling. I sent him a text earlier this evening and told him that I was praying that the Lord would give him the strength to use good judgment and that I had put this all in His hands....that I had trust in Him to keep him safe and that I loved him. I know the reality is that this is just the beginning of a long agonizing road ahead for both of us.

I am so very sorry.. I understand your pain.. My son's doc is heroin too. He is in jail now, but there have been times we don't know where he is for months.. I will keep you on my prayers.. Stay strong.

if you can get to a real live al-anon or narc-anon I would recommend it. thinking of you. I understand so well what you are going through. almost destroyed my family and myself over my son's addiction

Prayers going out to you and your family. Hopefully he will make the right decision to turn his life around. So sorry you are going through this horrible nightmare.

I saw him today. He called and asked if could come get some clothes. After we talked on the phone for a long time he came over. The first thing I did was looked at his arms for track marks. He didn't want to show me...he said he had poison oak/ivy and he knew I would think he was shooting heroin. He had places on his legs that looked like poison (he works in landscaping and is out a lot cleaning brush and flower beds) but the places on his arms looked different. He said he had liquid benedryl on his arms, not his legs, to keep them from itching. I did notice the whole time he was here he was scratching his arms and legs. I don't know what to think. what if he isn't own heroin? what if I've called his PO and over reacted. I;m not sure the person who told me about his use is a reliable source. I don't trust any of his friends but I also don't know them. But I also know where there's smoke there's fire. He acted normal, not sluggish. Talked about working and doing side jobs and even going back to school. He looked good, clean and like he had been eating, color and complexion looked good but I did notice his pupils were small. I don't know what to believe of think. Is this typical behavior of someone on heroin? If not heroin, could it be pills? He had admitted to snorting pills but swears he hasn't done heroin.

It doesn't matter what drugs he is on. If he is using, he is using.
I hope your information was completely wrong...but I don't think your friend would call to say something so horrible without facts...
You are lucky he is communicating with you and that you have told him how you feel and how much you love him. The rest, unfortunately, is up to him.
Counceling might be good, and al anon or narc anon...
You have a right to be happy and healthy. You deserve it. You have to do it because it shows him how a functional person lives. We can be the light at the end of the tunnel. If we fall apart and don't take good care of ourselves, what example does that send out to our addicts or other family members?

Blueviolet, I've been told to take care of myself but never from that perspective....too show him what normal and functioning is. And, I told him today that we both deserved to be happy. All I can do is pray and hope for the best. I'd like to see more success stories up here. I tend to see the glass as half empty in any situation..so success stories would help me have hope! Thanks again.

Andy thanks to all of you who have responded...for your thoughts, prayers and concerns. Please know that it is returned to each of you. I wish we could do something about these awful drugs that are ruining our children's' lives. Maybe I should focus on what I can do, what I can control instead of what I can't. Love and peace to you all.

That evil word almost destroyed me. Same thing son used pills advanced to heroin very very common sadly. His parole officer will test him so if he's not using it or anything then there's nothing to worry about. Any drug can be a death sentence that is true but there are also many people who have broken free from this evil drug too. I hope he is not using I will keep you all in my prayers Dee

First of all I'm so very sorry your going through this.
Second, take it from those of us who've been through it-tough love is better than too much love.

I know it doesn't seem possible. We loved them so much, our little boys and girls, but now they are adults.
And they can make their own decisions- good or horribly bad.
And there is nothing we can really do about it. It took me years to realize that.
It wasn't until I stopped enabling that my son got the help he needed.

Stay strong. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I just read blue violets response. It's so good and so true. Take it to heart.
My mother had dementia and I was wearing myself out taking care of her and my family. One of her doctors said to me " you have to take care of yourself first, otherwise how will you take care of the ones you love?"
When my son , years later, was full on into his addiction, I remembered what that doctor had said to me.
I can say now, that it saved my life and my sons life. I have proof.
He is almost 3 years clean and sober. And giving back helping people try to overcome their addictions.

plantlover...thanks for sharing your story. I hope that one day, sooner than later, I can share a positive and successful story.

I can feel your pain, and I also feel the sense of hopelessness, but please don't give up hope, it's all you and your son truly has. I can remember everyone telling me to take care of yourself, and I thought what is wrong with them, I have to save my son. After a 20 lb. weightloss, can't even remember how many sleepless nights, going to work everyday and putting on the face, turning my home into a complete toxic zone of negativity and silence between me, my husband and my daughter, I knew that what I was doing wasn't saving my son it was destroying my life and the remaining family members. I was now making everyone a casualty of my son's addiction, and guess what his life was the same. It wasn't until ( by a friend here) told me look in the mirror and scream as loud as you can STOP, it was from that moment on, that I was committed to no longer let my son's addiction destroy me. Once I learned that I couldn't save my son but I could save myself, my life turned around and in turn , I became better for my son, because I was no longer enabling him. It was a long road, and one day my husband and I finally said, you win, you choose drugs, which means you choose to no longer live in our home. I did what I thought I could never do, but in my new found clarity I knew I had to stop the insanity. There were other things, but ultimately my son is 2 1/2 years clean and sober, he is a Intensive case manager in a treatment center working on his CAC, and giving back. I thank god every day and every night for everyone here, but most of all because I believed in the human spirit and never gave up hope. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that today I am better armed than yesterday. God bless.

Awesome story DMatt...a beautiful outcome! Thanks for sharing.

So sorry to hear you're going through this with your son. It's like an echo of last year for me, so I recognize those chaotic feelings: a mix of anger, disappointment, fear, love and tenderness. It's too much for one heart to hold.

A year ago in March, my son told me he was addicted to heroin when he started going into withdrawal. I had no idea he had even been using. When my son saw my reaction, he said "It's not such a big deal". I replied, "Maybe it's not a big deal in your book, but in my book, it's a big freaking deal. It doesn't get more serious than that." That seems so typical to minimize the danger and damage, to deny the extent of the problem.

My son had managed to hide his drug addiction for a year (he lived in another city for most of that time). I learned that he had gone through detox twice already and relapsed each time. He said he finally told me because he had decided to to get clean and stay clean, and his confession was his insurance that he wouldn't relapse. He went into detox, and long story short, he is still clean to this day. So there is hope, my friend. I have so many times feared that my son might relapse, and that risk is always there, but I am grateful, grateful, grateful for every day he is well.

It sounds like your son is functioning well enough in the world to continue to work, so I hope and pray his inner strength leads him to clarity of purpose. In the meantime, you seem to have taken to heart the wise words of the mothers who have learned to take care of themselves first. All the best to you with your dear son.