More than likely, your daughter is using something and is dodging the drug tests. I know you're protecting your grandson, but at the expense of your mental health and at the expense of your daughter's chance at recovery. As long as her using has no consequences, she has no reason, no motivation to stop using. You're going to have to come to terms with the fact that her addiction is going to have some negative ramifications that you won't be able to prevent. Yes, she may lose custody of your grandson for a time, but as long as she's high, is that such a bad thing? You don't mention how old the child is or if you will be his rpimary caretaker should your daughter go into rehab or in a halfway house. You need to get her out of your home. Set some boundaries and if she crosses them, you will have some leverage. It doesn't sound as if she's anywhere near ready to make changes, but there's got to be a catalyst, and you may just have to be that catalyst. It won't be quick, or easy, or pretty, but a start is a start. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but I've been where you are with my 25-year-old son, a recovering heroin addict, with multiple felonies on his record, a 6-month jail stint, and 7 months clean as of today. One day at a time, but moving forward nonetheless. Good luck. And God grant you the courage to change the things you can.

I know you are right, my grandson is 22 months and if she were to loose custody (again) his father would be primary custodian, but we have a good relationship so I would help him out and he let's me see him whenever I want, thank god, he is good man. She just got joint custody back because she got in a car accident while I was out of town, she was high a a kite and he went to the courts and got emergency custody. She did what she had to do and fooled everyone once again even me this time, but once again is back to her old tricks. I have tried so many times to have her removed from my home , I even had the police one time and called and ambulance another time but whenever she goes into a psych hospital or a rehab they only keep her for a week or so and she's back at it. I really don't think she has a problem, I wwould like her to go into a residential treatment program but the wait is so long and she won't do it because she won't be able to see her son.
I know the day i coming when I will fially loose it and throw her out for good, I just am not that strong yet but it is coming I can feel it. When that happens I will probably be on this site day and night for support because you are the only people that really undertand how hard this is!!

You will get there. It's like climbing a mountain. It is such a struggle to get up to the top, but the journey down is nowhere as difficult as the journey up. You will reach a point where you'll have had enough of the lies, the deception, the fear, the anger, the fights. Then you will do it. You'll probably feel guilty for a while, but know that even if the immediate results are not what you would like, they may lead her to realize that she does need help and does need to change.
One thing I learned through the 41/2 years my husband and I have been dealing with our son's addiction is that no amount of love made a dent in his desire to quit using. That's the topsy-turvy world of addiction. Love can conquer a lot in the "normal" world, but in the world we families and friends of addicts live in, love can actually hinder the addict. It can insulate them from the consequences of their action and keep them from seeking to change their lives. And that ain't good. Stay strong.

Let your daughter take responsibility for her drug test and program. Next time just say, "Oh, really!" and walk away. Let her fall and suffer the consequences of her actions. Learn to detach, excepting she is sick and there is very little you can do to make her do the right thing. So instead learn how to set healthy boundaries and not be drawn into her drama. Loving an addict means letting them make mistakes and excepting it is their life to screw it up or not. Most of us love our children, but we have to let them learn from their mistakes.

patnard, I know the pain, and trying with every fiber of your being to be the safety net. You gut is right as mine was, and probably everyone on this site. But we want to believe their trying, we want to trust, we want the person we know they are to do the right thing. But the addict can't. They are not capable. I'm sorry but until she suffers the consequences of her using she has no reason to stop. My son told me once, that he had no reason to stop using because he knew I wouldn't follow through on my threats, and it wasn't until I held my ground and said enough is when everything started to change. Understand, it changed for me, I was able to get my sanity back. My son is 11 months sober last week. This is her journey i'm sorry to say. hugs to you.

H Pat, dmatt is so right... It is her journey, and that is the part I still struggle with too, cuz as moms, even when our kids are adult, we want to "fix it". The choices they have made are ones we would never even dream up if we were writing a script for a horror movie... I still have times when I try hard to push my agenda on my son (recovering, Heroin). He does let me know that just because it is the way I think it should be done, it might not be the best way for him... Hardest thing EVER to let go...

Thanks everybody, I just needed to be reminded that this is her problem not mine. She knows that if she gets thrown out of this program she may loose her right to see her son and thier is nothing I'm going to be able to do about that. It's going to take me time but I'll learn this game one day at a time. It does help to know I can come here when I'm feeling angry or down and I will always have someone who uderstands what I am going through. Thanks again!
Hugs,
Pat