I really dont know how i don't get sick of living. Its so strange when i get down i wonder how i'm not tired of life. Dealing with the addicts in my family and not having such a great relationship with my mother just really brings me down. My brother and sister always get high and after they are not high any more they are suicidal it bothers me because they both have kids. How can you be this way with children? My brother just broke down because he said when he looked into his daughters eyes he just felt awful and hurt because i guess he felt she deserves better...it's so sad and my moms an enabler and also suffers from depression and other things so we argue all the time mostly about her enabling and about the way she just gets so angry at me because she thinks i'm against her and always taking other peoples side. I keep telling her there are no sides i just say how i feel i just want the best for everyone and she get so defensive, and she sometimes uses pills for her own way of coping with things so i have to follower her around at night to make sure she does not hurt herself...i wish there was a place that kept drug addicts until they got better. i really feel like if you are a danger to yourself and others you should be forced to get treatment, but its not like that if you are of a certain age you can not be forced into a drug program. sometimes i feel like my heart is just literally hurting. The kids in my life deserve so much better i wish i could make the addicts in my family see that they are in control of their lives and they just have to make the right choices. They need to learn how to deal with stress in a healthy way and pick the people you hang around correctly dont hang out with other addicts they are the only thing depressing themselves sometimes i get angry at them other times i'm just sad for them. I know they do not want to be this way but what do you do when an addict does not want help or does not think they need help? If i make it through this with a sane mind i want to make it my goal to help others who are addicts or effected by addicts in their lives. I guess that's why i have such a passion for life and dont get tired because my purpose is to help others but before i can do that i have to help my self and make it through this... Sorry this is so long this is my only outlet i guess i'm just in need of prayers.....