Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
In keeping with the theme of the post "whats the worst thing your addict stole from you" I just wanted to try to get some of the things my addict has done to me off my chest. Theres alot more but these are the ones that stick out in my head the most.
The worst thing that he did to me however is rob me of my self esteem, he took away any trust I had and my own self worth.
1. Kept me awake fighting with me so many hours at night I would have to call in sick from exhaustion and I almost put my job in jeopardy.
2. Held a knife to my throat numerous times.
3. Stole all of the money out of our bank account fight before a family trip.
4. Stole all the moeny out of the bank account right before my friends wedding.
5. Nearly made an embarrassing scene at another friends wedding when a friend put their hand on my shoulder.
6. Was high on cocaine the first time he met my family.
7. Gave me a gash on my forehead by hurling something at me during a drug fueled rage.
8. Ripped the hair out of head so many times, I would have head and neck pain for days
9. Called me over and over during my first daughters 2nd bday party b/c he was drunk/jealous/high
10. When I got home from the party he nearly poked my eye out while putting his hands in my face. I couldnt see for 3 days and he choked me.
11. Went to a block party and drank all day long. When my 3 yr old and I woke up we found him and 2 friends has been sniffing lines off my dining room table all night.
12. Ate all the food in the house on his cocaine crashes while I was pregnant and would leave me with no food or money.
13.Pushed me in the stomach off the bed with his foot while I was pregnant. He was under the influence of alcohol, cocaine and xanax. He then punched me twice, once in the head and once in the eye. I went to work being 5 months pregnant with a black eye.
14. Fell and broke his wrist while drunk and high, blamed me and slapped me in front of my daughter and his 11 yr old.
15.Took 20 xanax, cocaine, alcohol, and vicodin to numb his wrist pain. He was so out of it he couldnt even stand. I was 5 months pregnangt and had to hold up a six foot two, two hundred seventy pound man in front of the neighbors.
16.Passed out in the pool while drunk and high, I had to jump in and pull him out
17. Disappeared with the $1,300 gold chain I got him for his bday, When he came back high, the chain was gone.
18. Gave me a huge blade shaped bruise from slapping me so hard in the arm with a kitchen knife.
19. Stole money out of our daughters piggy bank.
20. Sold our GPS for $50 to get more beer
21. Spit in my face so many times.
22.Ripped up family pictures to be spiteful during alcohol and drug rages
23. Hit me in the side of the head so hard, I lost hearing in my right ear for 2 weeks.
24. Snapped my brand new phone in half during a drug induced rage.
**** these were all before rehab***
25. Abandoned me the day I came home with our newborn daughter b/c he was too overwhelmed. This was the day he broke over 100 days of sobriety after rehab.
The worst thing that he did to me however is rob me of my self esteem, he took away any trust I had and my own self worth.
1. Kept me awake fighting with me so many hours at night I would have to call in sick from exhaustion and I almost put my job in jeopardy.
2. Held a knife to my throat numerous times.
3. Stole all of the money out of our bank account fight before a family trip.
4. Stole all the moeny out of the bank account right before my friends wedding.
5. Nearly made an embarrassing scene at another friends wedding when a friend put their hand on my shoulder.
6. Was high on cocaine the first time he met my family.
7. Gave me a gash on my forehead by hurling something at me during a drug fueled rage.
8. Ripped the hair out of head so many times, I would have head and neck pain for days
9. Called me over and over during my first daughters 2nd bday party b/c he was drunk/jealous/high
10. When I got home from the party he nearly poked my eye out while putting his hands in my face. I couldnt see for 3 days and he choked me.
11. Went to a block party and drank all day long. When my 3 yr old and I woke up we found him and 2 friends has been sniffing lines off my dining room table all night.
12. Ate all the food in the house on his cocaine crashes while I was pregnant and would leave me with no food or money.
13.Pushed me in the stomach off the bed with his foot while I was pregnant. He was under the influence of alcohol, cocaine and xanax. He then punched me twice, once in the head and once in the eye. I went to work being 5 months pregnant with a black eye.
14. Fell and broke his wrist while drunk and high, blamed me and slapped me in front of my daughter and his 11 yr old.
15.Took 20 xanax, cocaine, alcohol, and vicodin to numb his wrist pain. He was so out of it he couldnt even stand. I was 5 months pregnangt and had to hold up a six foot two, two hundred seventy pound man in front of the neighbors.
16.Passed out in the pool while drunk and high, I had to jump in and pull him out
17. Disappeared with the $1,300 gold chain I got him for his bday, When he came back high, the chain was gone.
18. Gave me a huge blade shaped bruise from slapping me so hard in the arm with a kitchen knife.
19. Stole money out of our daughters piggy bank.
20. Sold our GPS for $50 to get more beer
21. Spit in my face so many times.
22.Ripped up family pictures to be spiteful during alcohol and drug rages
23. Hit me in the side of the head so hard, I lost hearing in my right ear for 2 weeks.
24. Snapped my brand new phone in half during a drug induced rage.
**** these were all before rehab***
25. Abandoned me the day I came home with our newborn daughter b/c he was too overwhelmed. This was the day he broke over 100 days of sobriety after rehab.
A lot of addicts can't take the stress and in the moments of happiness of a new baby. The stress of OMG I have to support this baby. Another words now they have to think about someone else for the next 18 years. I wish they would remember this and make the choice of not going back to drugs or drinking but majority don't.
My first Ah was very abusive and I was the woman who stayed with him 17 plus years to long.
The second wasn't mean to me, but did hurt our finances a lot and his philosophy was if you spend $100 for groceries then I should get to spend $50 on crack. My mind was thinking, but wait your gonna help eat those groceries and the crack isn't benefiting me any.
Its not as simple to leave as one might think.
Woman also can be abusive but it happens a lot less then men.
You and your children are all in danger. He has a violent, out-of-control temper and there is no question that someday he will take it out on one of your children. I'm also afraid that some day he will put you in the hospital or worse. Then he will be alone with your children.
I know that you may feel like you can help him, or that you aren't strong enough to leave, but you already have more strength than I do because you live in that scary situation. I couldn't do it. You have more strength than you know. Think of your children and how you can keep them safe, including making sure that you are healthy and alive to take care of them.
If you don't have a place to go, then please call the the National Domestic Abuse Hotline. Their number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7223). They can tell you how to stay safe and how to find a shelter that can help you and your children.
Back when I was young there were no places to go to. If you complained instead of it being the abusers fault the spouse was the one who was blamed. People would think oh he is so nice, calm etc. But that was for show most abusive men are only abusive in their homes and all the abuse is kept secret from the outside. The woman is afraid to say anything for fear of what will happen to her. There is evidence of this being Stockholm Syndrome. http://www.giftfromwithin.org/html/spousal.html
Hope< I hope for your sake he is staying clean and sober like he was a few days ago. If he goes back to using reread this post and ask yourself is this what I want my children to grow up in.
My step mom's friend was murdered by her husband over crack. he wanted money and the checkbook, when she refused he stabbed her to death multiple times. He didn't even remember stabbing her.
walk,,, better yet,, run my friend,,, God did not create junk,,,
Similar and violent and verbally abusive as well. I remember one night he took me, pushed me against the wall, I was pregnant, they where italian stucco walls, with the semi rough points on the walls, and pushed down on my shoulders, the points ripping through my skin, but as I got to the floor, having had enough, I put my feet on his chest and the stairs where right there and with all the strength I could, kicked him down the stairs, as he bounced off the door and rolled down the second set of stairs to the door below, our renters opened the door to find him there. Nothing worse than a pissed off pregnant woman.
That was just one instance. When he found physical wasn't gonna do it, even while I was pregnant, he tried verbal. He even held my new born screaming in his face that I was a...well a word I won't repeat...at the top of his lungs over and over, his mother was on the phone hearing it and never said anything. hmph.
This is just the tip, so I feel your pain so much. It was only during the middle of the night, after he passed out after another drunken fuel enraged fight, that I had the 'thought' of mc-givering (remember the show McGiver? He could make anything out of nothing?)the bedside lamp and popping holes in the waterbed and plugging it in as he slept, did I realize I had to do something, it was a week before Christmas, our babys' 1st christmas, that I called my father, told him not to ask questions but get a moving truck and some help and come get me early in the am.
I woke the drunken slob at 4 am and told him to leave as my Father would be there at 7am and I did not want him there, he did as I asked.
My family showed up, didn't ask anything, I took just what was mine and we packed the truck. I took a green garbage bag, went back in the house, took ALL the decorations off the tree, took the pic of the 3 of us with Santa, tore him out of the pic and left just his pic on the mantle and took off. I never went back.
It got THAT far. I LET it get that far.
He took everything from me, my self esteem, my money, my trust. BUT it is 20 years later, and he is back in the pic now, just met his son for the 1st time on Sunday, don't know how it went, don't care. My feelings at this point is they deserve each other. He and his mother waited until this kid was at his lowest to show up, how convenient. This after stealing the kids ssn # and using it when the kid was only 14.....whatever. If that is what my young adult wants, he is just that an adult, he can make his own decisions.
My advice to you is this. You do NOT deserve that life. It is hard, this I know. But for your safety and your families safety, think long and hard. I'm hoping you've left this situation.
My Mother had a saying: What you see at 30 is what you get. And she was so VERY right! I like to think people will change, but when it comes to your own safety and your childs, YOU must be the one to be strong.
My prayers are with you and I hope that you are safe and strong! No matter WHAT he says, you DESERVE BETTER! You DESERVE HAPPINESS! You deserve SAFETY. Don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise and no matter what you don't have, YOU CAN DO IT!
As Fleetwood Mac would say: Break the Chains!
Godspeed to you!
You have so many questions and just want to know what your biological parent is like. For good or bad you will never know until you have been around them. Its not easy growing up not knowing your parent and not all step parents are good. Mine was mean and we used to call her Cinderella's stepmom.
What you know at 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 all changes as you grow older. Your opinions on what is important also change.