Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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marg6300 06/12/2013

I am having a hard time writing this post as I'm still reeling. This has been a hectic time of year for our family. My oldest daughter is finally moving into her own new place, my younger daughters graduation from Highschool, my 5th grader graduating from elementary school, me planning a family vacation and huge graduation party 850 miles from our home here back in our homestate to be with all of our friends and family. Yep you all guessed it Justin had a full blown relapse! He was spending the night at sisters and they had it planned for weeks and he was beside himself excited and so excited about the upcoming family vacation. He hasn't had one with all of us in a few years. But he got ahold of his Klonipin and took 27 in a 24 hour period. Sister texted me to get home and get him away from her. She was beyong livid! I took Justin in to see his Dr. who reamed him out for missing his last appointment but who FINALLY agreed no more Klonipin. I then brought him to detox at our local mental drug hospital. Meanwhile we are supposed to leave town on Friday... We have already paid for weeks vacation in a house on a lake and we are going! with or without Justin! I am hoping they will let him out after a 72 hour detox but as of right now I don't know what is going to happen. Justin was furious that I made him detox and that we are no longer given him the Klonipin I threw out the remainder of them. He told me he was so scared because thay have bee his crutch this whole time and now its gone and he is scared to death. I believe his real recovery is about to begin. He of course threatened to get heroin or crack if we did not agree to the klonipin and then he said when he died from it that it would be all my fault and the Dr,. I didn't budge and I told him those were his choices not mine and if he dies from the drugs I am not going to be at fault. I stayed strong all day yesterday it took all day to secure him in a medical facility but when home had a big cry and then went out to dinner with my husband and little boy.
It seems like every time we plan a family event Justin loses it. He just can't keep it together. I know if he does not get to go to VT with us he will be devastated but he left me no choice. I'm not sure how this is all going to play out but I do know the freakin crap the Dr. kept prescribing was just replacing one substance for another and its finally gone and the real work is about to begin...oh when he was High the first thing I did was take him to a meeting and admit what he did and get a white chip, don't know if it will make any difference but its what I needed.

donna7455 06/12/2013

I'm so sorry. I hope you are able to enjoy your vacation after all of this. It sounds like you really have learned from experience and did everything that you were supposed to do. Keep it up! That's exactly what Justin needs.

I think you are right that it's a great thing the doctor took away the klonopin. Justin is not going to be able to fully recover unless he loses his crutch. If he takes this opportunity, then this is a very good thing. If not, then you know what you are in for. Either way, spending the week recharging your batteries and enjoying your family is exactly what you need.

I'll keep you all in my prayers.

blueviolet725 06/12/2013

I am so sorry. I have to say that if this gets him off the last crutch, maybe it will end up being a good thing.
as for always crashing around vacations...my son did it for holidays. I don't know why...maybe the excitement. It is a feeling, and they just don't deal well with feelings.
I am glad you had a cry and then moved on. I hope you do have a restful vacation. You deserve it. Hugs.

beantown 06/12/2013

So sorry to hear this...but again, relapse is part of the deal. No one is exempt and it's always, always a threat. I think you handled the situation very well: you stuck to your guns and didn't let him manipulate you. There's nothing you can do to change your son's behavior; he's going to do what he's going to do. But you have full control over your own, and you're choosing not to put your life on hold because of the choices he makes. I think you may have something there, though, about your son "not keeping it together" just before a family vacation. I wonder if it's his way of dealing with "vacation" anxiety. Vacations can be stressful for some people because 1) you're with your family members pretty much 24/7, and that freaks out some people; 2) vacations represent a major change in one's routine and some people don't handle change very well at all; 3) the fear of the unexpected, of the unfamiliar, sends some people over the edge. Most addicts cannot handle stress the same way that most of us do; even those of us who are not addicts sometimes have similar reactions to these threats, but because we don't have "crutches," we have to struggle to "get over it " Not easy when you're an addict and have used chemical substances to help you deal with everything in your life. Anyway, good luck and hope he gets to go with you and your family on vacation.

jainlor 06/12/2013

oh I am so sorry marg. my heart is breaking along with yours. But you handled it so well...you are a great example...I hope your vacation goes well and my prayers are with Justin and you all

kimpalmer 06/12/2013

Oh Marg, I am sorry! It is so hard to watch our kids make these choices, but you are such a strong lady, you realize that this is Justin's journey, and that you won't let it destroy you... Stay strong mama! Praying for you!

cardinal39 06/12/2013

Ugh,,, the heart break,,, but unfortunately relaspses are part of recovery ,, not only does it make the addict aware,,what using could loose for them,, but it also makes us aware that boundaries must always be kept in place,, we need to be reminded that we can't keep them from not using,,, we can only be there waiting when they decide not to use,,, I'm proud of how you handle this,,, I know it's not easy,, shoot have not heard from mine since march 1st,,, but it comes to a point that we give and do whatever we got to help them,, but I the long run,,, it's their choice to be clean ,
So yes this is a heartbreak ,,, but girl put them big girl pants on,, and live your life to the fullest ,,, never give up,,, but don't give in ,,, Justin made a reference that if he does not have this,, he will search for herion,, if he dies it's your fault,,,, wrong,,,, you jumped through hoops to keep him away from that,, that statement is surly an addict speaking a manipulating ,,, unfortunately he wants to get high,,, well if that's is choice let him go,,,, sounds harsh I apologize,,, but unless you plan on giving up the rest of your family and become paralyzed to Justin,,,

It's not about the storm,, but the ability to dance in the rain,,,

Love ya

bambusue 06/12/2013

my son couldn't handle big family do's either. Now he keeps it real simple, and rather quiet; still is protective of his sobriety.

One thing; if your son sees you going ahead with your life and plans, maybe he can reflect on what it is he loses when he uses.

deleted_user 06/12/2013

I'm so sorry. I think it's good he's off the klonopin now. I know my husband has said many of his friends from NA said they kept relapsing until they stopped the benzos. I hope this is a turning point for him. Good luck with everything.

lynnedavidson3 06/13/2013

The only thing I add to the advise already given, take that vacation. You deserve a vacation. The merry-go-round of continuing crisis is exhausting. For your own health and sanity, do not cancel your trip.

deehigs 06/13/2013

I get so sad when I see this because it reminds me how easy it is for any of them to relapse and I don't want to see that for any of them but as we all know all to well it is not our choice as Blue often says if loving them were enough none of us would be here, so Marg great job with how you handled the aftermath go on that trip and get some rest. I know all the months Justin has been home with you all he has felt loved and even though he relapsed I know he will have those good family memories to help encourage him in the right direction to his real recovery God bless you Marg I am praying for you all Hugs Dee

dmatt124 06/13/2013

Oh Marg! so sorry. But I have to say you are handling this like a women of wisdom and knowledge. I'm so proud of you. Sean's was thanksgiving, don't know why but that's the day. You my dear, did all the right things, now its up to Justin. I know this is much easier said then done, but if he is secure and safe, go on your vacation, if for no other reason than to get some relief. I will keep Justin and your family in my prayers. This is up to Justin. Your an extraordinary mom! and a great role model to us all.
big hugs to you.

deleted_user 06/14/2013

What a sorrow for you to deal with when you're getting ready for a long-awaited family vacation. You've done all you could, and I'm so glad to hear that you're continuing with your plans. You can't let a relapse hijack the rest of your family.
I hold on to all the success stories to give me hope, but I'm starting to understand how relapse seems to be part of everyone's story. You learn to pick up the pieces and move forward again and again. i am amazed by your resilience.
And I do wish all the best to Justin, that he can start to see clearly and make wise choices when he is clean again. All the best to your family!

blueviolet725 06/14/2013

I was just reading about relapse on the Alcoholism board, and they stated that "Relapse is not part of recovery, it is part of the disease". I think I like that way of thinking because it means that not everyone always has to relapse...tho my kid tried many times to get sober. Once he went into a detox and program, and made it his priority, he has not relapsed, thank God.
I just am saying that I don't think we should generate the idea that a relapse is ok, or to be expected. It is one step back. BUT if they live through it and try again, than it is a learning experience that shows them how devious and cunning addiction can be.
Meanwhile, I lit a candle today for Justin. and you and your family.

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