Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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progress

marg6300
marg6300
I have not written in a while because things have been hectic but I have missed everyone so I thought I would check in. Justin had to see his PO about three weeks ago and he takes a bus downtown by himself, (we are really pushing him to be just a little bit independent) well he usually comes back by 6 or 7 PM. He never showed up until 5 AM. A sleepless night for sure, when he finally arrived home he said his PO violated him for not paying any of his fines for the last 8 months, and she made him spend the night in jail, I was just so relieved he was home.. so I bought his story. Later found out from his sister he had relapsed. He confessed to her but made her promise not to tell me! well she of course said to me... MAKE Justin tell you what happened.
I was very sad but what bothered me the most was that he lied.. I was so hoping he was done with the lying... He is also not ready to be able to take the bus downtown. I just hoped he was a little further in his recovery. So even though he is home and doing well today he is one bus ride away from relapse at all times.... I did not post on here right when it happened cause I was too disappointed in him and in me. I keep thinking I know we are making progress but then this happens and I'm like are we really making progress??? I know we are because you should all see my son, he looks better than he has in years, but is he better? So confused...
deehigs
deehigs
I'm sorry Marg I know how you feel and how disappointing it is when there is a relapse but look how far he has come. Justin has been working so hard and I hope he will use this as a lesson and learn from it. I know the lies are so hard to deal with when you think you have been working on things getting better and then to find out about the lies it really does crush you for awhile.You are a great mom and I am sure things will pick up in the right direction again this is a setback but you will get past it. Stay strong Marg we are ALWAYS here for you . Dee
dmatt124
dmatt124
Hi Marg, I am sorry as well because I know the feeling of disappointment but the most important thing is that he is back and sober. Remember Marg, it took him many years to get to rock bottom, in those years he form poor habits, and those habits have to be retrained. I remember in Seans IOP they use to tell me as much time that he put into using ( number of years) that same amount of time has to go into getting sober. I believe his lies now are very different than his lies when he was using, now it is because he has come so far, and I am sure he is more disappointed in himself than you are. Ask yourself this would he have even told your daughter in the past? so for him to share with your daughter is progress. I think what we all have to understand is better is what we perceive it to be, they will always have to fight their addiction. You and Justin have come so far and you will continue moving forward. lots of hugs for you. You are stronger than you know.
cardinal39
cardinal39
Marg,,,, ok,, so we got the wind knocked out of us,,, breath,, pick ourselves up,, and try again,,, failure is,,, not getting up and staying deflated,,,,, I really like the analogy of "one bus ride away from relapsing" ( I'm going to use this line, when I speak at my meetings) because if you analyze our lives,,, we all are on one bus ride away, just some of the stops are longer distance from the next stop,,,,
don't focus on the "setback" continue to move forward,,,, I agree that progress has deffinetly been made,,, in the past for one,,, Justin would of been gone for more then a day, second, he would of keep this to himself, and not even tell his sister ( of all people), third look at yourself in the mirrior,, Momma you have made tremendous changes,,,,,

behind every dark cloud, the sun does shine,,, don't give up by closing your eyes and not searching for it,,,,,

It's not our will be done,,,,,

stand proud, put some lipstick on,,, and take a min,,, of where you came from,,,,

hugs!!
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
The PO knows he relapsed and he only got one night in jail? That right there is kind of great...a slap, not getting locked up for months...my kid violated and was in 6 months.

anyway, it would be better if he had told the truth.
BUT he has made a ton of progress...

yes, the old dance, one forward two back...but it looks like he did two forward and only one back...know what I mean? he is still traveling in the right direction.
beantown
beantown
I so hate to hear this...but we have been warned over and over that "relapse is part of recovery." I know that knowing this is no consolation when it comes to our addicted child. So what if it is part of recovery? We want no more relapses! We want the recovery to be done with! We want no more nights like the one you had when he didn't come home till 5:00 AM! But...we can't always get what we want, right? What's significant to me, though, is that you are writing about this fairly calmly, or much more calmly than you would have months ago, and that is a great achievement. Yes, you are making progress...you are. You are staying strong, and not falling apart, and you are not losing focus. I just hope Justin can pick himself, dust himself off, and start all over again. I'll be thinking and praying for you tonight.
Pen125
Pen125
Hey Marg, from afar I do see progress. Progress in you, which hopefully helps Justin's progress too. You're in my thoughts tonight, I have the same worries..
kimpalmer
kimpalmer
Marg sweetie, I am sorry to hear this news about Justin. I understand the disappointment you feel too, but I admire your strength and your resolve to be there for your boy. Stay strong mama! We're here for you
jainlor
jainlor
i am sorry marg that he had a setback but it is only that a set back. we pick ourselves up and go on. Thankful he has such a loving family...i will say a prayer for him today for sure and for you. glad you could share with us who truly do understand ....
katrinka
katrinka
I'm sorry Marg, if its any help he lied because he didn't want to disappoint you. Its a slip and hopefully that is all it will remain. Yes your making progress, and so is he and I hope he doesn't beat himself up, but instead takes this experience as a learning curve.
LOL Blue I though his explanation was questionable as far as PO and jail.