Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
I posted on here last week that my son was in rehab for 30 days for heroin addiction well he's been in there for almost 2 weeks now and he doesn't seem to be any better. He gets mad at me when I won't bring him money and today was the worst. Before he went into rehab he told the mother of his child that he was going into rehab for marijuana because he doesn't want anyone to know why he really went into rehab well today the mother of his child brought the baby over so I could babysit for a while and I shared with her why my son was really in there for and she said she kinda figured that it was something more than marijuana. Well my son called her today and she told my son that she talked to me which I asked her not to say anything to him but she did anyway and now my son is extremely mad at me he called me up cussing and told me not to come visit him and he didn't want to see me. Was I wrong in telling her? I thought she needed to know she is the mother of his child. My son needs to quit trying to lie to everyone. I thought part of the recovery process is to not be in denial, but yet he doesn't want anyone to know. He also said to me that by telling her I could cause him to relapse and it would be my fault if he did. It scares me so bad he's only been in rehab for 30 days and he's already been there almost 2 weeks and he doesn't seem to be making any progress. Maybe I shouldn't have told her but the lies have got to stop! I'm so upset right now I hope I didn't make a mistake by telling her.
He gets mad because he isn't in control of anything and addicts don't like when they don't get there way.
So if he call demanding anything let him know that unless it is a emergency you will not bring him money or anything. He really has almost everything he needs, so unless its for a pack of cigs I would only give him a little. If he smokes some places want them to quit all addictions, others let them smoke because the addict is a very moody, anxious person during this time. If you give too much they save it up for just in case when they get out they want to get high. Remember it is still in the back of his mind.
As for telling the mother of his child, I think it was okay for her to know. You don't have to feel if people ask you should tell or else its lying and covering up or enabling. Its more of a privacy issue and when he is ready he will tell or not. Think of it this way, would you want everyone to know all your dirty little secrets? He is embarrassed by his actions, his mood is all over the place and not everyone needs to know. Some people think that's lying or keeping secrets, but it more of a privacy issue.
As for his calls, don't answer, if he calls and starts yelling, calmly tell him you will not let him talk to you like that and hang up. Refuse to except that behavior. Also make sure he has a place to go after he gets out, try for a halfway house. It will make your life and his a lot easier. Just don't start yelling or nagging it doesn't do any good for either one of you.
my son went to a hospital for 28 days, then a homeless shelter rehab for 3 months, then a rehab program for 8 weeks, then a halfway house, then a sober living house. He hated all of it, and did it because he knew he needed to.
Yes the mother needs to know. legal reasons (like if they get stopped in a car with the baby and are carrying) and safety reasons (if he is watching the baby and using- and nods off) and honesty!
Let him rant and rave, and let them all deal with it at rehab. You were right you were right you were right.
Being honest with the mother of his child...the mother of YOUR grandchild was not only appropriate but necessary for a lot of reasons. I don't know about you, but I spent a lot of time trying to "protect" my daughter. I realize now that that was not only OK but my responsibility when she was a child, but she is an adult now. She is the owner of her actions and choices. Like your son, my daughter gets angry and defensive when forced to own up to the truth. Well, too bad. Denial hasn't gotten any of us anywhere other than into a deeper hole.
Please don't beat yourself up. You absolutely did the right thing. If he doesn't want to see you...fine. Try to do something for YOU that day then.