i have not written in quite a while. the reason being i am just sick of listening to myself tell a slightly different version of the same story over and over. i thought i was doing well detaching and being mildly pleasant (and i was). but i just couldn't maintain because i allowed myself that sliver of hope that AH was getting help. but 5 treatment modalities per week turned out to just be a smokescreen to keep me off his back. so here i am devastated. i did not even know i could be this brokenhearted anymore. i have come to that moment of clarity that says i just cannot do this any more. he says- With daggers in his eyes- that i yell at him every day ( i dont every day, but frequently enough, when the drunkeness is unbearable) my response is to say he lies and drinks EVERY day. he is also angry that i am used up.

i think it is time to find a lawyer. financially this is a horrible situation. i am also thinking of adding a real apartment space for myself to our house. my husband is so selfish that he says he deserves to sleep in our "marital bed"..... he told me he considered it a privledge to sleep in our bed together and would not take advantage, and here i am moving from bedroom to couch to floor.

he shows no emotion (only anger) no remorse, sorrow, regret. etc. he just manipulates the truth.

he is frustrated and ??????? when he realizes no one believes him any more. my 27 year old son gave him an earful this morning. (this seemed also to be my doing)since he has asked me not to Yell when the KIDS are around (excuse me but they are men). they have lived this their whole lives and are no strangers to the situation. thanks for listening i think i cantake a deep breathe again and go back to a more peaceful place.