our hearts break for you, we are afraid for your future, we want a happier and healthier life for you. Learn a lesson from watching your step mother. get yourself well it is soooo worth it. YOU are so worth it. i send you love.and best wishes

For me it was a reality thing. When my wife was addicted to painkillers and I didn't know, we would have these weird fights about money. Things didn't make sense. I started feeling crazy - like I would doubt a story but she would be so convincing and then I would feel guilty. After I understood it was addiction, I felt less crazy but had to go back and figure out what was real during that time. Like "did x really happen to you so you needed money or was that a lie for drug $, etc." It's taken a while for me to feel like I know where I stand again. And now I'm working on my part in all of it - how did we relate before, how should we relate now, am I being loving or enabling, etc.

I think it's great you posted here and none of what I said above was meant as a guilt trip or anything. I think sometimes sites like this let us interact with folks in ways maybe we can't with the folks in our own life. My wife will be able to talk more as she gets further in recovery but talking to others with similar addictions helps me understand her better. Hopefully talking with us will help you as you take these things on with your friends and family. I really am glad you wrote.

Thank you guys. I just never realized what I was doing to other people I guess, I see what my stepmom does, she lie's and takes things that aren't her's, and she's just not a good person. Don't get me wrong she has a great heart but she does things all fucked up and backwards, I don't blame her for where I ended up, but I do know I'd never be this bad or got here, if she wouldn't have just kept handing me things like it was candy, because to me it became candy, and a reward. She'd ask me to do something I'd say sure if you get me this, she wanted me to do something she'd bribe me with drugs. All of our family and friends knew that she was using and what she was doing, all the deals gone wrong, or the deals she'd fuck up and I'd have to go fix, so they just thought I was hiding things for her, they never realized I was doing them with her and only trying to protect myself. I remember my friends trying to talk to me and get me to realize what I was doing to myself, and I'd always tell them that I wasn't hurting anyone else but myself so they needed to leave me alone. I don't think we realize what were really doing, I haven't used in over a month, and I still can't imagine how I was affecting other people in my life, which is why I'm really trying to understand it, because I can't. And it is really hard to trust an addict, and when you realize what's going on you really do question everything in your life, it's really hard to understand why we do what we do. I know I was right beside my stepmom doing the same things she was with her, and I still don't understand what she did, why she did it, or what's the truth and where the lies lay. I'm now trying to get the kids out of here, and away from her, because she needs to go get help and fix herself, and the kids don't belong here anymore. I love them more than anything in this world, and it kills me that one of them has already moved out, but I know it's what's best for them, and everyone. I'm not perfect, and I'm still trying to learn from this all, and I'm still trying to fix my life, but I'm trying to do what's best for the kids, even if it hurts me. I don't want them to end up where I am, what they've seen already is too much, they don't need to see anymore.

i Simply ~ , too, say "Good for you", that you area trying to get back on the right path! As for my son, I weep for the loss of the beautiful boy he was. His eyes are hollow, and I never know if what he tells me is truth or (most often) lies. Our family definitely has dysfunction... whose doesn't? But I remember all the great times we had, and wonder how could he treat us and our home like he has. I mourn the loss of the bright future he could have had... when he is released from jail, he will have a very hard time ever finding a job with felony drug charges... my mother's heart is just so very sad...
Blessings on you... keep up the good work

If you love the addict it effects the other person in every way to the core of there being.

during part of your stay at rehab, the family and/or friends may be asked to write a letter to you stating just the very thing you are looking to find out. They did at my son's reahab...careful what you wish for.
But once you know and clear all that up, it gives you a clean slate to go forward. Some in his rehab did not have family show up..we drove 13 hours. Some did not even get a letter. I was so sad for them, but my son explained that "that in itself" spoke volumes.
Good that you are getting straightened out. You may have to look for a new place to live, not with addicted stepmom when you get out...and maybe she will want to do it to...here is hoping.
Good luck.

I'm sorry that we do this to you.. I never realized any of it, although I wish I did, I mean I still don't know there answers are to my question, but I'm going to have to talk to them about it. I feel really bad with just the thoughts of what I could've done to the people I love the most, when I never meant for any of it to happen.

Dear Simply,
If you were my daughter this is what I would say to you : "I forgive you, I love you. If those who love you seem(ed) angry, hurt, frustrated, it is because they love you and were afraid for you. I am proud of you for getting help, and for being determined. You are fighting the hard fight now, it is time to forgive yourself and move forward."
Love,
jms

The past is important to you only to learn from, not for blame or guilt. If there were destructive patterns in how you related to people, you want to understand them so you can make sure they don't continue, but it doesn't do any good to focus too much on guilt or blame. That's how I feel, anyway. You can't change the past but you can be an awesome friend, daughter, mom, whatever going forward if you understand a little about what happened in the past so it isn't repeated.

Thank you guys so much. You've been more supportive to me than anyone else has, and I think I'm in the wrong group being I'm an addict myself. And I'm starting to realize that they only acted the way they did because they were afraid for me, and I'm going to try to talk to my family and friends, and work on my relationship with them. I've made alot of mistakes, and I know that, but I'm willing to accept them now, and change for the better, and make it up to them. I'm going to inpatient rehab whenever they find somewhere's to take me, and can get me in. And I'm just hoping that I can get this all worked out and change my life before it's too late, and I loose everything, I've lost enough already. I'm 17 and my body's pretty much shutting down on me, and telling me it's not going to take me doing what I do much longer, and I don't want to end up dead before I even get to graduate, so I'm going to do what I have to, and clean up my act, this isn't a fun lifestyle for me anymore. But again thank you guys for replying to my post, I'm glad I have some support, it means alot to me, and it's been very helpful, even though again I'm kind of in the wrong support group, but I'm noticing in the addiction support groups there's really not alot of support there.

you are NOT in the wrong group... you were lead here, and I for one am glad. I hope we can continue to be a support to you.

I'm so proud of you and wish you well. You are welcome here. It seems to me the root cause of your addiction is the relationship to other addicts. It's great for you to understand the effects of your actions on other people and take responsibility for them, but it's just as important for you to understand what happened to you to lead you to addiction. That will be important for your recovery. Best of luck to you.

I think everyone gave good advice. Does your dad know his wife is using drugs?

Yes, my dad does know, just not about certian drugs, and he surely doesn't know she's the one thats been giving them to me, she still tries to give them to me too, but I've gotten better at saying no, so now we don't really talk at all. And I know that alot of the reason I ended up here is because I was around so much drug use, and the life seemed so easy, and there was always good money from dealing, so I just ended up getting into it myself, and another reason I started using drugs was to run from my emotions and feelings, so that I didn't feel or hurt anymore, I have years of emotions I have to deal with now, and its pretty scary. I'm just hoping going inpatient will help me get started on the right path.

Your already on the right path, you chose to get help, admitted you have a problem and it seems that person who uses drugs isn't the person you want to be.
Congratulations, I wish you well. As for step mom, don't enable her, tell dad. As long as you keep her whats she is doing a secret it is also hurting you. I know he may not believe you, but you can at least say to yourself you told the truth and what he chooses to believe or not is up to him. It will be him with the blinders on.
Goodluck I hope you have a good future, drug free.