there is NOTHINg wrong with taking a time out. nothing at all... go on a YOU vacation. do you have kids? either way go for a little bit, you don't have to say where you are going, it's not about punishing him, don't make it about him at all... make it about YOU... if you can afford it go to a hotel, get a mani/pedi... go see a movie on your own... swim in the hotel pool and watch TV while eating great takeout food in your underwear... read, journal, sit in the bathtub... just don't check in on him.

That sounds great..but I have 3 young kids..no job and no money...

can you take the kid sto visit a friend or family for a couple of days?

You know what? no one said you had to leave today...although if you are ever in danger, you need to leave immediately..a woman's shelter will help you.
If you think you might want an escape plan, make one! put aside a dollar, or two ( I knew a woman who had a very controlling husband and looked at her grocery receipts...she actually bought groceries, and returned one item after the receipt and pocketed the money...) and slowly build an emergency fund. In an account only you have access to.
In the best case, you have to to send your kids to college, or retire on, in the worst case, it is bus ticket money to somewhere.
No one can tell you what to do or when to do it...but you ALWAYS have options. Just dream and think outside the box. And do not become addicted to the addict's drama. Build your own life.

Thank you blue violet and NW. I don't think this is ever going to get any better and I'm full of emotions right now not knowing what to do. Today is H payday but so many bills. Never any extra money and the kids need new coats and so many things! I need to find a job ASAP!

you know you need to leave. go to a shelter with your children. someone there will help you. you and your children deserve a better life. good luck

I want to call the shelter and talk to the counselor.....see what to expect or what...but I know my H will drink today Cuz its payday!!

do that - call the shelter...they can give you all the info for you and your kids. praying for you

Thanks for the prayers!

As for coats for the kids...ideas abound...
The salvation army or your community services may be of help...there are also some really high quality resale shops around here, (and kids grow out of their stuff so fast) and lastly, my husband and I went to goodwill yesterday and bought 3 men's winter coats to give to the shelter my son lived at...they had a sale of 35% off and the coats were only 6 bucks to start with. The more I can save, the more I can give.

I work really hard to be cheap. live frugally...whatever you call it, so that I can afford to give. I am not a coupon queen, but I am careful...and I can't even begin to say what a difference it is starting to make. I wish I knew all of it sooner.

I went to the salvation army store today without any luck. Tomorrow I will go to the Goodwill and see if I can get lucky or try some community services. Thanks for the tips..