With the disclaimer that I am not a doctor or counselor, I would like to say I think you need to talk with a professional counselor. There is something called complicated grief that you could be experiencing. If you are still haunted by your friends death to the extent that it interferes with your daily life, you should see/talk with someone who could help you deal with all of it.

That being said, I am so sorry for your loss. We are not the ones who caused our loved ones to die. Not in any way. You didn't and I didn't. We absolutely cannot control the actions of other people.
What they did, they did because their thoughts were all skewed for that brief amount of time. Maybe some people have deep depression, others don't. Some people plan and leave a note, others act on the spur of the moment. However it happens, their loved ones (you included dear) DID NOT cause them to take their
life.

Not sure about your friend, but in my case I believe my loved one just hated his life so badly all he wanted was out. I'm pretty sure he didn't want to die, he just wanted all the pain and hassle of everyday living to go away. I don't think he thought about all the fall-out and pain it would cause.

But, life is worth living. There's still sunshine and the warmth of the sun on our faces. There's still the laughter of other friends to hear. Plans to make. Life to live. What seems like the end of the world now really isn't even though it may feel like it. Emotions come and go. Strong people remain. Learn to be strong dear. Talk to someone to help you over this mountain in your life.

Blessings and peace to you.

Like any kind of physical wound, it will heal eventually if you allow it time. And different people have different timeline in healing. Though the wound heals, the scar will be there. Sometimes, we forget the scar but sometimes, it is there for us to feel and see and sometimes it acts up.

It does get better and if it is getting to a point it inhibit your living, yes, you do need to see a profession or join a support group to cope. Like after surgery, your MD can tell you medicine, diet and moderate exercise help to speed the healing process. Same theory. Take care my friend. IT WILL GET BETTER.

It has been just over a year since my sister took her life, I still think of her everyday and cry most... I hope someday the pain ends, I truly do. Hugs to you

You have lost someone that mattered so much to you and now you hurt. The hurt and pain will slowly fade but only if you let it. You MUST se a professional, start with your family doctor or go to the hospital and explain what you are going through and how it is affecting you. They can help. Understand this: ** it was not your fault. It is the first thing we all look to though so that is normal. "What did I say or didn't say differently"," what could I have done"? Nothing, unless they had asked for help! The person acted on their own account. Find a reputable internet sight you can trust where there are "suicide survivor" stories. People that tried to end their lives but were revived. This on most accounts will explain through "their words" what is going through their head at that precise period in time. They are not in their right mind, they are hurting beyond their control and they want it to go away, is the answer most given. It's a culmination of little to big things and the brian "short circuits" so to speak. They almost always blame NO ONE for their actions. The brain is a very complex organ.
You are a lovely person that must move on. Never forgetting the good in your friend but ensuring the blessing of life you were given, continues to blossom and enjoy what you were put on earth for. FYI, my 20 year old son took his life 6 months ago with no lead up or signs seen by anyone I have spoke to. I do know your pain. It sux! But with assistance, you will feel better, you will smile again and you will never forget your friend.
All my love and support.