Families & Friends Affected By Suicide Support Group
Suicide affects not only the individual, but also the family and friends who provide support and love. This community is offered as a place for those affected by suicide to gather and gain strength from each other. PLEASE NOTE: If you are suffering from suicidal thoughts, please take advantage of our CRISIS RESOURCES, which you can find at the bottom of every page of the...
How can you live with the blame on yourself for your love ones death. I know I couldn't change his mind even if I had of said something more then what I did , or said something at all. I cant stop thinking that had I changed things in the past the out come would be different. I look at our kids , Our family and feel like I am to blame for all their hurt. Had I have knowing what was going on and I should have I am his wife the one person who truly knows him inside and out. How did I have no idea what was going on. I blame myself for everthing I have robbed our kids of a life with their father. How am I going to explain to them why hes not here . I have lived with this feeling since the day he passed little over a year and it hasn't gotten any easier. I don't leave my house anymore unless I absolutely have to. I don't want to be around anyone because I feel they blame me and they should in my opinion. I am looking for advice from people who have been through this and understand where im coming from. I had a break down (the first one ) the other night there was a lot of alcohol involved so my walls was down I let all out . They keep telling me it okay to feel and talk about it . I still stop them and told them I was sorry and I was fine even though I knew I wasn't. Truth is I don't know how to let it out and talk about it I know I am suppose to I don't know how. I miss his so much.
"Another day, another way" is what my daughter's psychiatrist, therapist, and my psychiatrist and therapists have told me over and over again. And they are correct. I could not possibly have in any way realized she was planning to end her life that day because she did NOT demonstrate ANY manic behavior, ANY unusual emotional disturbance, NOT ANY. Yes maybe that, by itself, should have been a tip off. But am I expected to be able to observe and assess subtle signals when I am, myself, in such despair, in such horror, that I am planning to take both our lives to spare her? Hell no.
People who are serious about ending their lives are very serious abut hiding it. They don't want to be stopped. They are tormented beyond anyone's ability to comprehend, even those others who are mentally ill but who are surviving. We, with all our problems, are NOT mentally ill. We cannot comprehend what it takes to bring a person to the moment where that person must end life because of the exquisite torment. Your grief is nothing compared to his torment, nor is mine in comparison to the torment of my daughter, my only child.
I suggest you find a certified grief counselor who has treated patients who are surviving the suicide of a loved one. YOU ARE NOT IN ANY WAY TO BLAME for the pain of your children or other loved ones and neither is HE because someone so tormented cannot think rationally, is not able to see the consequences. You speak of not being able to leave your house: this is a "normal" generalized anxiety from having lost all control over your life. We've all felt it. It won't be this way forever, but you have to help yourself. You need some professional counseling.