Families & Friends Affected By Suicide Support Group
Suicide affects not only the individual, but also the family and friends who provide support and love. This community is offered as a place for those affected by suicide to gather and gain strength from each other. PLEASE NOTE: If you are suffering from suicidal thoughts, please take advantage of our CRISIS RESOURCES, which you can find at the bottom of every page of the...
My husband took his life on October 26, 2013-effectively shattering my world. Next week will mark four months without him. Grief for someone who has died is a completely new emotion for me. I hadn't experienced loss before. What makes me feel more hurt, is that he chose to leave me and our three children aged: 9, 7, and 4 months old at the time. How can I trust that he loved me at all if he would do this? I know that its not true, but I feel like I failed in not saving him. Is this a normal feeling to have?
I have been very preoccupied caring for my children since I am now a single parent. I am also a teacher, so it is important to me to continue doing a good job and helping my students be successful. I took three weeks of FMLA leave, and now can't miss work without being docked pay.
Surviving,still settling my husband's affairs, working, and caring for my children doesn't allow me very much time to grieve.
Now, I'm finding that things that would not bother me before, bother me immensely. I am an orchestra teacher at three schools. An elementary, middle, and high school. I have to produce students who can play WELL. It can be really stressful, especially with all of the upcoming competitions.
My patience has become thin and mostly with other teachers. The percussion teacher has been leaving his equipment all over my high school orchestra room and also displaying his trophies there. I never cared about this before but now I can't stand it.
I'm staying with my parents which makes me feel homeless. And now I can't even have my classroom the way I want? Also, what kind of jerk takes advantage of a grieving widow? I feel so angry like every day, and its exhausting. So I'm wondering if the side effect of acting like you're ok when you are not- is anger? I also haven't heard from my mother in law in a LONG time, which makes me feel worse about everything.
Has anyone else experienced anger more frequently than sadness during grief?
I have been very preoccupied caring for my children since I am now a single parent. I am also a teacher, so it is important to me to continue doing a good job and helping my students be successful. I took three weeks of FMLA leave, and now can't miss work without being docked pay.
Surviving,still settling my husband's affairs, working, and caring for my children doesn't allow me very much time to grieve.
Now, I'm finding that things that would not bother me before, bother me immensely. I am an orchestra teacher at three schools. An elementary, middle, and high school. I have to produce students who can play WELL. It can be really stressful, especially with all of the upcoming competitions.
My patience has become thin and mostly with other teachers. The percussion teacher has been leaving his equipment all over my high school orchestra room and also displaying his trophies there. I never cared about this before but now I can't stand it.
I'm staying with my parents which makes me feel homeless. And now I can't even have my classroom the way I want? Also, what kind of jerk takes advantage of a grieving widow? I feel so angry like every day, and its exhausting. So I'm wondering if the side effect of acting like you're ok when you are not- is anger? I also haven't heard from my mother in law in a LONG time, which makes me feel worse about everything.
Has anyone else experienced anger more frequently than sadness during grief?
Remember something: for a long time you will be struggling with anger. Now, this anger is (at first, I think) directed either at others or at oneself (causing depression). BUT...it can also be directed at the loved one who has passed. My ex husband was angry at our daughter for two years, that's how he held off his horror. It wore off. In terms of his dealing with her suicide and severe mental illness, on a scale of one to ten based upon my OWN experience (because I am NOT in his mind), his is a three, I'm at about seven.
You need a grief counselor. And you need to understand something: your mind is going to rationalize, your "heart" (emotions) is not. But the truth of suicide is a hard lesson which, once learned by "heart", changes everything. That truth is: a person who takes his/her life could NOT have been stopped; was suffering ENORMOUS emotional and psychological pain; is fundamentally not responsible. It is an irrational act. In the hours prior, or even the minutes prior, the person is totally unable to think of his/her loved ones (parent, in my case; wife and children, in yours). If this person WERE able to "think about" others, suicide would not occur.
It takes a lot of work to get to the place where your "heart" and your "mind" begin to come into sync with one another. Until that time, you will ride the roller coaster. You ought not do it alone; you really will benefit tremendously from at least once a week (optimally, twice for the first year or so) sessions with a grief counselor/psychotherapist who specializes in suicide and sudden death of a loved one.
You're under enormous stress both at work and at home. Isn't there "compassionate leave" or "sick time" available to you? This is a terrible tragedy! I would find out if such "leave" is available.
I KNOW my daughter loved me. She left me a letter saying I was "the light of her life" and telling me how much she loved me. I also know she was profoundly mentally ill. Your husband did not "choose", he had no "choice" as far as he was concerned. It's okay not to understand this. Even now, there are moments when I truly don't understand this. What's not okay is to allow this to change you profoundly into a person who has been cast aside. Your children need a functioning parent. A therapist will help you.
About two months ago (I am almost at the third anniversary of my daughter's transition) my therapist asked me: what would you like to do now? I answered: have another baby. This is impossible, but it is how I feel. This sort of loss is special. You are not merely a "widow", you are far more profoundly affected than a woman whose husband died from a cause he had no control over, like cancer, heart attack, etc. It's confusing; it's horribly painful; it's terribly destructive of self image. But you can survive. You must survive. You will survive.