Families & Friends Affected By Suicide Support Group
Suicide affects not only the individual, but also the family and friends who provide support and love. This community is offered as a place for those affected by suicide to gather and gain strength from each other. PLEASE NOTE: If you are suffering from suicidal thoughts, please take advantage of our CRISIS RESOURCES, which you can find at the bottom of every page of the...
I am sorry for posting this question because I know it will likely trigger survivors. But I need to know. I am a mom of two young adult children 17,19. They are all I have. My husband of 30’years left me in a cruel way that left me with no money after a lifetime of being at home mom with a home. My mom died in January while I am still in divorce court. I have limited mobility from chronic back injuries. I have PTSD from my fathers murder and sexual abuse as a child. I am 52 was a school teacher and had many good years after my childhood loses due to a stable (enough) marriage and wonderful children and family life I created for the children, and job that I loved. but now I can’t function from all of the losses and physical pain. I have little resources and have kept a brave face to get my kids through the last five years of high school because they live in an upper class area and had a lovely childhood and I tried to hold back literally the gates of hell as I tried to get them older before they realized him as things were Although they do understand the basics of the situation
I know in my core I am at the end of my road at the end of too much trauma and loss. I hide it best I can. I have no one that can bear the level of pain and tragedy that has hit. Several friends have left from being worn out. My parents are passed away.
I don’t want to burden my children. But I think I am going to commit suicide. My question is would any of you have wanted to know how desperate your parents were feeling even though it is totally unfair to expect them to be my support system. And please hear me I have been the full route of therapy, PTSD therapy, etc. it’s just the last five years of loss after loss being alone all the time with little money and sever back pain, I can’t do it anymore and it’s all I think about is finding a gentle way out that will be the least traumatizing to the kids. I am being bullied by my ex in court and AZ is a non woman divorce court state so after 30’years I will leave with nothing even though he earns over six figures because he divorce planned
My painful question that I apologize for asking is Would you have wanted to know the pain your parent was in? Or is it unfair burden? I can’t do this anymore and I don’t want them to feel that they wish I had told them how badly I was hurting either. It’s a no win.
My entire post is about my children and not wanting to hurt them. Feeling like an unfair burden if I tell them where I am at. If you are a child survivor I would tell you that those who commit suicide fought a battle for so long, alone, every minute of every day on their own that was CRUSHING THEM. And then besides not getting support they get judged on the other side for “failing people” when people failed them their whole life. At some point if those who die death by suicide had been supported some of them (not those with true mental illness) may have made it.
My question was not if it would hurt my children. My question was would my children want to know I was struggling and hurting this deeply. Or is that unfair to burden them with a parent fighting such depression and suicidal compulsions or do I just continue to fight this alone and hope it gets better. The problem is it hasn’t in five years and I sense my spirit giving up so was reaching out for help. I have no other family left to help me and I don’t want to burden my kids but don’t think I can make it alone.
But thank you for your guilt trip of the day.
I have also been suicidal for decades of my life.
Would I have wanted to know? (Back in the 1980's my father sure didn't tell me...but I knew.)
You can think that your children don't know that you're struggling, but they do.
My opinion...I do think that you should be honest about it. But it's a fine line between saying enough to be honest, and leaning on them...which isn't okay.
FYI, my kids are 17 and 19 now. My ex also left me after 20 years together and I didn't know if we'd end up on the streets. So I DO have a clue. Divorce is tough. Pulling up my big girl pants and going on when I only wanted to die...was harder.
Immediately after my ex left, he started dating a younger woman, and had moved in with her by the time a year had passed. For 5 years my kids got to sleep on the floor of her house, while her youngest son had the spare bedroom as a play room.
Ramona had issues. After 5 years, when my kids were 10 and 12, she shot and killed herself in front of my ex husband. Thankfully my kids weren't in the house that night. Unfortunately her three children (9, 16, and 18) were. Her oldest, who had just gotten into some kind of serious trouble with the law, ended up, as her closest relative, in charge of dealing with everything.
My son went to the funeral and only at a distance saw his older two "step-brothers", and then never saw or heard from them ever again.
So even though it wasn't their mother....I do know something about helping kids through the aftermath.
My opinion...screw your ex-husband. I know that you loved him (or at least I know for sure that I loved my ex), but it wouldn't have been worth my life. Forget stuff. Forget things. Forget the life that I thought that I was going to have.
There WILL be a tomorrow. Wait for it.
Thanks for your input on the kids. They do know I struggle since they watched this all and saw their once involved dad leave us after I confronted him with infidelity, they helped care for my mom until she died when we had to move in with her. And they know I can’t get around well or lift. The leaning on them is the part I feared which to me means: do not tell them how dark of a place I am in. I guess I’m just scared in a dark moment it will happen and they will say I wish she had leaned me on me a little. She was alone. They’re great kids. Obviously would never want them to endure anymore pain. There’s no right answer. And I think I knew that. My best to you.
I'm just going to say....please get help. You wrote "I don’t want to burden my children. But I think I am going to commit suicide."
There's just no good response to that. Or at least not what you seem to want to hear.
It will crush your children if you kill yourself.
Read through the other posts on here. This board is filled with people who have written about the pain of family member's suicides....even decades after the event. Children...never forget.
"...all I think about is finding a gentle way out that will be the least traumatizing to the kids".....this just doesn't exist.
***I'm NOT saying this thinking that it's easy. Nor do I fail to understand the pain and desparation. If you build me up into something "amazing" then it will be harder to think that you too can find your way through this.***