Dont know where to start. To make a very long story short, my husband passed away when my son was in the third grade. We were very close. He was on the honor roll, a good athlete and very outgoing. He was diagnosed with Tourettes in fifth grade. He was bullied in school and on the Internet. He started hanging out with the wrong crowd. He started smoking pot and stole from me to buy it. He was on a downhill spiral. I called 911 one night and he was taken to the emergency room. He agreed to go to an inpatient adolescent unit. He then went to rehab for one month.
When he got out, he let everyone know where he was thinking he would gain their respect. He didnt. The bullying got worse. So did his outbursts. Then one night, he opened his bedroom door and I saw him standing there with a belt around his neck. He buckled it so tight I could not get it off until he began to lose consciousness. I was horrified. After that incident, I was afraid that he would try it again and succeed. Knowing I was wrong, I was afraid to discipline him and parent him the way I knew that I should.
He continued to play sports, go to intensive outpatient counseling and tutoring sessions. He tried very hard to succeed. However, his self-esteem got lower and lower. He told me he tried to hang himself from a tree in our backyard. He began crying uncontrollably and said he couldnt even kill himself because the branch broke. He even failed at suicide. He continued to go to counseling. He decided to change schools.
The bullying continued. He had to have mouth surgery and could not play ice hockey for a few weeks. Then he became more depressed, had frequent colds with high fevers, began to throw up before school after school. As a mother and a nurse I felt helpless. He was finally diagnosed with mono. After months of being misdiagnosed at least we knew there was a physical problem. He became more depressed and then began smoking more and more pot. He quit the ice hockey team and lost interest in school. He got suspended a few times because of his temper, however he did graduate from high school.
He started the summer partying all the time. He said he did not want to go to college anymore. One morning while he was asleep, kids broke into our house and robbed him. Things got from bad to worse. He stayed in his room almost 24/7. He came out to cook me supper and eat with me. However, after eating he would go back up to his room. I once again felt helpless. He would say I am 18 years old I can do what I want to do. I will move out he threatened. I knew if he did he would either end up in jail or dead.
One morning in October he came downstairs and was hysterical. He said he tried to kill himself once again and did not succeed. Instead he threw up, how the diarrhea and was oozing from his pores. He smashed his new cell phone into his head and broke it, punched a hole in the wall, one of many. He called 911 on himself. He was in the behavioral unit for a month. He then agreed to go to inpatient rehabilitation. It was not until then did I know the amount of pot, NyQuil and other drugs he experimented with. He was in rehab for 3 weeks and was discharged on enough medication to knock out an elephant! He now was addicted to prescription medication!
He went to a recovery house. I was very hopeful. However it was like a sober frat house, and he was bullied. Depressed and confused as to why his fellow recovering addicts would pick on him, he left and came home for the day. I had found another recovery house for him to go to. I was able to convince him to give it another try. He went back to the same recovery house to face his demons in the bullies. But it did not work out. The bullying continued. Unable to function on the large amount of medications he was on, he drove himself to the emergency room. They would not admit him and told him to seek outpatient help. He drove back to the same recovery house. That afternoon he tried another hospital and they refused to treat him as well. I was horrified! The soonest I could get him into see a psychiatrist was one month away. He decided to move to the other recovery house. Where he is still living currently.
He lost his dream job when they found out he had a DUI. He was very depressed. If my son stays in the recovery house and completes the ARD program has record will be expunged and his record will be clean. He has had a setback or two but keeps on trying! I am very proud of him.
Every day I fear that he will either give up the battle with drugs or kill himself. I know this is no way to think but I cannot get the vision of him with the belt around his neck out of my mind. When I was told by one of the doctors that teenage boys who tried to commit suicide most often succeed I was even more scared. I see a counselor who I like very much. However I can honestly say that its not helping me that much. Im taking it one hour at a time these days.
Sorry for rambling on. Any suggestions would be appreciated!