I found this from another website and whoever wrote it explains with better words than I can come up with...I guess I just answered my own question but if anyone has anything to add, please do...

When someone we love has died we look to our physician, law enforcement or other authority for an explanation, a justifiable reason, a definable cause so we can accept and reconcile to the death. When someone we love has deliberately ended their life there is no physician to explain the progress of a life-terminating illness. There is no patrolman to trace the path of a head-on collision. There is no assailant upon which to heap the blame and vent our rage. But there has to be a reason! A cause! Some justification or explanation for this death and our loss! We are convinced if we only knew why this unfathomable decision was reached, we would have an easier acceptance of the death and our loss. And so, begins our search for answers.

Hi,
I believe that it is somewhat harder and unless someone has walked in our shoes it may be hard for them to understand. Illness is determined by drs. and the family knows their loved on is sick. It is still very sad, but they know what may lie ahead. Accidents are just accidents. They are traumatic as well, but they happen. It wasnt planned, but there is an explanation. Suicide is so harsh because it doesnt fall into either of the categories above. There is no explanation and it is so sudden and unpredicted. Many times there is no note, so there is no closure and we carry with us the why's of the whole thing. Many times there is guilt as well. The person chose to leave us, other deaths, such as illness and accidents, there person didnt make that choice. I believe that is the difference, and it is that part that hurts so much.

I have not walked in your shoes. I do not know the gut wrenching pain, the hurt, the guilt, the not knowing.

The person in your life that makes such an insesntive statement does not need an answer back. The devestating loss of a loved one can not be explained even when it is "explainable". How could we possibly find the words to of explanation while still in such a state of grief?

It hurts.

Thank you for answering. I got something from both answers...and really appreciate your help.

Hi Jeanne .. I really feel for you. I know how when you are fragile careless statements can cut through like a knife. It is a time when you need validation not to justify yourself. The first thing I would like to know is has your friend ever lost anyone to suicide herself? I would also like to know if she has has a person close to her die? the awful fact is is that if people havent experienced it they mostly dont know what they are talking abotu unless they are one of those rare sensitives who just understands. Take care unfotunately it is a time thing. It is so important you love and accept yourself at this time... meaghan

Just a different point of view ~ I may have misread what you wrote re: what this person said, but could it be possible that she was reaching out to say "Regardless of how anyone dies the pain is the same" where there's SO many people that do not know how to approach a person dealing with the loss of a loved one from suicide and are at a loss for words so they say nothing at all.
Just a different point of view : ) Best of luck with your conversation when it happens.

Megs,no, she hasn't lost anyone to suicide but she did lose her dad to cancer. I think that you're right, AFWC, that many just don't know what to say. Thank you both. I realize any death is terribly painful...I guess I would just like to be able to explain why it's taking me longer to get a grip...and how I doubt I ever really get over it. There are times I even feel like I'm losing it. I can't stand the sight of white, closed doors after knowing my husband was behind our bathroom door. I guess its just not something that can easily be put into words. Even those of us who have lost loved ones to suicide have experienced different circumstances that provoke different emotions so it's still an individual walk down a painful road. Thank you all for helping me. I do have a better understanding of my own feelings after reading your answers.

Yes, it hurts when someone dies, and your family member is lucky she does not have to experience and feel the pain of a death by suicide, which is incomprehensible to most (except us suicide survivors). You really do not owe anyone an explanation!

So sorry, sweetie........but one thing you said......"wonder why its taking so long to get a grip" oh my, it hasnty been all that long. Give yourself some grace, you have been through this horrific situation, and unfortunalty we cannot "hurry the grief" ( darn! :)May God show you His grace, and keep on. I wish for you peace, and Gods comfort.

Thank you so much...

hi i to have not one suicide but 3 in my life but my husband to took his life in feb of 2000 and his family totally blames me for his death as our 2 children were taken from us months prior to his death. my husband was drinking at the end of his life and he did some not so nice things.but through the help of my survivors of suicide support groups i hve been in it helped me lots because their support was all i have had overthe years my so called family has not ever been there forme but i try and not blame myself too but knowing his family blames me is enough blame i jsut try and not think about it.but try a survivors of suicide support group in your area if there is one.