My deepest condolences.

I'm on here because my ex's girlfriend shot and killed herself 3 years ago. It's messed him up big time and he's still dealing with it.

I don't know if you could have changed what happened that night, maybe, maybe not. Ultimately we're all responsible for ourselves. You might have changed that night, only to have him do it some other night. You'll never know.

The only things that you do know is that he was in pain, and he's not anymore.

Please, please, please get counseling. Know that you're not alone, and that other people do find their way through the mess.

Hugs,
Patti

So sorry you're going through this. I lost a brother to suicide several years back and believe me, I've talked to psychologists about this and studied too. This is not your fault. Sometimes there are manifestations simmering underneath that we can't possibly know. I hope you're talking about this so that you are getting it out in the open and not keeping it to yourself.

Hi Sky-blue

So sorry for your loss

It has only been a little while. Please be gentle and kind to yourself

Meantime hugs of support

I am so sorry. I had a best friend did about the same thing. She was a a marine wife and she had a little boy. She called me and wanted me to come be with her bc she was having a hard time coping. I told her I had to work. I tried to talk to her to get her to be ok. I felt guilty about it and I still do sometimes. I just have to pray about it and try to tell myself she is okay and give it to God. Hope you give it to him too and I pray you will find peace.

It is not your fault.

Hi skyblue,
First, you are not alone in the slightest. My fiance took his life in October of 2008. I had just talked to him and I was leaving work but a series of events kept me from leaving at the time I normally would have. We were living about 30 minutes from my work and my best friend got her car taken that day so I decided she would ride with me home and we would drive back to her place and stay the night. There were 30 minutes I could not get in touch with him. He called while I was driving down the interstate and he sounded odd, said he felt like something was very heavy on his chest and he couldnt breathe. He asked me to call the ambulance. He had done this to me once before because he was mentally ill so I called his aunt who we were living with and asked her to check on him. She called me back and said he was fine. I called him back and he just kept telling me over and over, please get home baby, I just want to see you, I love you so much.... please get home. He started blacking out at that point and I called his aunt to call 911. I called him back and he was crying saying how bad it hurt. I tried to ask him what he took and he wouldnt tell me. I flew home and made it there before the police or ambulance. I ran to our room only to see him laid out on our bed. I ran in and sat him up and started begging him to please wake up.... I slapped him in the face, shook him, everything I could to make him wake up. I started massaging his heart try to keep him alive. His heart was beating 2 times a minute. The police finally got there and they made me leave the room as he was having a seizure. He died in the driveway in the ambulance but they brought him back and I followed to the hospital. They wouldnt let me back there with him because we werent married so I had to call his parents and tell them what happened. It took them 2 hours to make a 15 minute drive. I got to see him for about 5 minutes. He hung on to life long enough for us to go in there and see him and the second we walked out, they called us back in to be with him as he passed. I know this is a long post but I wanted to tell you all of that so you know that I have felt what you are. I know you feel like you are going crazy and it is all a dream, you feel guilty, if only you were there 2 minutes sooner. If only you didnt fight, if only you took it more seriously. Sweety, the events that happened that night would have happened regardless of what you did. I am not going to tell you not to feel the guilt, hurt, anger.... feel it. I wrote a 3 page typed letter to Lynn telling him how angry I was and how could he? Feel everything you need to. Being a suicide survivor is something that NOONE can understand unless you have been through it. I am going to give you my email in case you or anyone else would like to reach out and talk. I am always available. I promise, I will help you get through this if you like. Either way, you will be in my heart and prayers. My email is brtndr4u01@yahoo.com. Lots of love