That must be really hard to have so much pressure on you. To feel the way you do must be hard on you and make you feel the exact way you describe. I wish I was there and could give you a big hug and some chocolate ice cream! If you feel up to it, message me any time. I'd love to listen to you and know more about you.

Honey I would love to help but I am struggling as well. I will certainly pray for you. and lots of ((hugs)))

I am sorry to hear that you are facing such problems. My heart goes out to you. Have you tried a counselor or clergy...someone you trust? I don't know if it is good for you to surround yourself with others who have similar things going on because it could bring you down even more or keep you where you are. My hope for you is that you can find someone who is close by to confide these feelings to. You are still young yet and your life is not over...so much left yet to do. Your words make me think that you have given up on yourself....please don't. God has not given up on you. He is your refuge..."you are fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalms 139

I have found that my faith in God has seen me through the worst parts of my life. These past two years have been the most awful time a mother could ever experience. My 29 yr old son died by suicide. He had accomplished a lot and yet because of things I hardly understand.....he took his life. His father, sisters, daughter, nieces, nephews, and other family and friends are devastated. I wish I could have saved him...that he would have just stopped for a second and thought about the impact his actions would have on all of us. I don't know how close you are to your family but I hope you have understanding parents who you will reach out to and be very honest about your feelings. You obviously have some chemical imbalances that should be overseen by a qualified doctor...a psychiatrist and counselor. There are many ways to tackle this life and all of its challenges, I hope you find one fast so that you can begin to see your worth and value...that these problems can be overcome and that it is not a hopeless case. I can't pretend to know the agony you are experiencing but I do know that those who love you do not want to see you suffer within yourself. I hope that coming here does give you some relief and that you can know that complete strangers are willing to listen, talk and to be here for you. Thw world isn't always such a cold place....there are actually people out there who care and want the best for you. I pray God will bless you with an ever present peace....dale, brandon's mom

You're not weak, you have a disease. It's a disease like any other, diabetes, cancer, etc. and it CAN BE TREATED. Do NOT feel guilty because your family is concerned for you, they love you. You have NOT failed life and you are NOT weak, you are ill. Talk to your psychiatrist. Paranoid schizophrenia and depression go hand in hand but there are medications that WILL HELP YOU. Your Doctor NEEDS TO KNOW exactly how you feel. SAVE YOURSELF, you can do this, I know you can. Be honest with the Dr. and with your therapist, tell them everything you wrote here, tell them every single thing you think and feel, do NOT be AFRAID. They are there to help. People with your disorder CAN and DO live life without the suffering you are reporting here. Sometimes it takes some juggling of meds to get the right combination but if you don't try you won't KNOW that it can help you. PLEASE, help yourself, do not give up.