My father killed himself and i felt the same way. Guilty because we did not have a good relationship and the last time i saw him i would not talk to him and he just wanted a hug. I also was so mad and still am. I talk to him and say like why, why did you have to do this. Its totally normal what you are feelng. I think with your siblings just think about if you could handle hearing it at that age. My brother was 16 and he took it really hard so i do not really know what you should do with them.

Hi there... Everything you're feeling is normal. My mom committed suicide also; I felt angry at her for leaving my siblings (aged the same as yours at the time), and for breaking our family. I felt guilty, thinking I could have or should have done more... So, yes, this is all normal...
In regards to your siblings... My brother and sister were also 9 and 11 when my mom died, and we told them. Initially they had a really hard time with it, but eventually, they seemed to be more ok about it... I guess it really depends on your siblings, how they seem to be doing with it, maturity, etc...
I hope this helps...

Don't you dare feel guilty, it was she who did the deed not you. My son died from suicide about eight months ago and you have the right to me mad at her, I am still very angry with my son, he left behind two children, 12 and 7, and I can't not understand how he could have done that to them. Hang in there and God bless.

You have every right to feel angry. Acknowledging your anger will, in the end, help you to come to a place of acceptance. Sounds strange, I know, but it works. For so long, I was so tormented by not knowing why, what made him do it. It was only after a long, hard road that I came to accept that I will never know.

As strange as it sounds, your mother probably thought everyone would be better off and happier without her around. It goes without saying that she made things all the more worse for everyone concerned, but she did not see it that way. Severe depression warps a person's thinking/perceptions.

All that being said, those thoughts of what might have been if only... those feelings will be with you forever, but you will come to accept it as a part of your life now.

For now, I would suggest finding a support group and read what you can about depression/suicide. At first I could not read articles, but now I can and it gives me some comfort. No matter what the history involved, I don't think anyone ever thinks their loved one will really do it. I am so sorry you lost your mother in such a tragic way.

Why shouldn't you feel angry? Instead of dealing with what was bothering her she left you and your siblings alone without her just as if she got in the car and drove away. She left you with that burden of having a parent commit suicide. Guilty? It's pretty unlikely that you did anything that caused her to end her life. Aseret gave you some good advice.

Here are some suicide survivors support groups in Utah. If they are too far away, perhaps someone at one of these groups can put you in touch with one near where you live.

Utah


LOGAN
Group Name & Mailing Address:
NAMI-Cache Valley Affiliate
P.O. Box 3506
Logan, UT 84323
Contact: Wally Odd
(435) 787-4165
Meeting Place:
Logan Region Hospital
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time:
2nd Thursday of every month at 7 p.m. with an educational meeting at 8 p.m. in classroom 4
Facilitated by: Jim Kingland
Charge: No
Newsletter: Yes
Counties Served: Cache
Last Updated: 7/24/09

OGDEN
Group Name & Mailing Address:
Legacy Suicide Survivors Support Network
2684 N. 2700 E.
Layton, UT 84040
Contact: Judy or Don Bezoski (801) 771-8476
Meeting Place:
Leavitt's Chapel of Flowers
Community Room
836 36th Street
Ogden, UT 84403
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time:
Every other month - call for details
Facilitated by: Peer
Charge: No
Newsletter: Yes
Counties Served: Box Elder, Morgan Davis, Weber
Comments: Referrals to Weber County Mental Health for individual counseling.
Last Updated: 6/24/09

OREM
Group Name & Mailing Address:
Canary Garden, a center for grieving families
P.O. Box 2133
Orem, UT 84059-2133
Contact: Judy Bolton (801) 636-3602
canarygarden@aol.com
www.canarygarden.org
Meeting Place: Call for address
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time: Monday evenings, call for time
Facilitated by: Peer and Professional
Charge: No
Newsletter: Yes
Counties Served: Utah County
Last Updated: 7/2/08

PROVO
Group Name & Mailing Address:
Heart and Soul Suicide Survivors
Attn: Charn Burton
151 So. University Ave Suite 1610
Provo, UT 84601
Contact:
Charn Burton, 801-372-3523
CharnBurton1@msn.com
Meeting Place:
NW Medical Plaza
Room 6
1134 North 500 West
Provo, UT 84604
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time:
2nd Thursday of every month, 7:00 pm
Facilitated by: Peers
Charge: No
Website: http://groups.msn.com/heartandsoulsuicidesurvivors
Counties Served: All are welcome
Last Updated: 2/24/09

SAINT GEORGE
Group Name & Mailing Address:
Survivors of Suicide Loss Support Group
Contact:
Paula Larsen or Kurtis Kendall
(435) 652-3890 or (435) 688-4331
Meeting Place:
Dixie Regional Medical Center
River Road Campus
1380 East Medical Center Drive
St. George, UT 84790
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time: Call for information
Facilitated by: Peer (Paula Larsen)
Charge: No
Newsletter: No
Counties Served: Washington, Iron, Kane, Garfield, Beaver
Last Updated: 2/11/09

SALT LAKE CITY
Group Name & Mailing Address:
Caring Connections: A Hope and Comfort in Grief Program
University of Utah-College Of Nursing
10 S. 2000 E.
Salt Lake City, UT 84112
Contact: Kathie Supiano (801) 581-2322, Director
Shawna Rees (801) 585-9522, Program Administrator
www.nursing.utah.edu/practice/caringconnections
caringconnections@nurs.utah.edu
Meeting Places:
The University of Utah in Midvale and in Orem
*Call for more information
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time: *Please call for information
The meetings a meet on Wednesday and Thursday evenings (depending on site) for 8 sessions from 5:30-7:00 p.m.
Facilitated by: Professional
Charge: $50 for materials. Scholarships are available.
Newsletter: Yes
Counties Served: We are located in the greater Salt Lake area, but we help provide services
for those all the way through the Wasatch front
Comments: Our groups are eight-week sessions. A new group starts every few months.
Please call to register or register on line at www.nurs.utah.edu/caringconnections.
Last Updated: 8/14/09

i find that for me it varys day by day. some days i miss him and want to cry, some days i hate him so much for what he has done to my family i cant stand it. i think thats just what suicide does. its the worst way somebody can die.... because they leave us here with scars that will last FOREVER. just remember any thought that you've had, or feeling that you've thought was crazy or wrong.... believe me, ive had them.