I know some that saw a doctor and were medicated for the awful day.

For some, while it was excruciating for much of the time, there was such a strong support system around them that it helped.

Me? I went from crying, to feeling numb, to feeling like I needed to be strong for others, then back to crying.

I know it's not easy, but try not to over anticipate the day. It's not healthy, and you need your strength.

Please let us know how you are afterward. Wishing you strength and sending you tons of support.

My daughter was cremated, it was her Dad's decision, I was in the psych ward for three days, I had no say in it. At the time, I didn't own a cemetery plot. I now have one, and a headstone, and a footstone that reads "Heart of my heart, how do I live without you. Love, Mommy". And a pre-paid funeral arrangement. I buried her cremains on August 1, 2013.

When I attended her memorial Mass at the small Roman Catholic Church only a few doors down from my house (which I moved out of August 2011 and which is still vacant and for sale), I was numb, and medicated. What happened: the church was full, her Dad's family and friends, a few of my friends (I have no living family). I got up and spoke, without any planning. I praised God for the 23 years He gave me with this beautiful, tender, very special soul.

Focus on the positive: think about who he was and is. You are not putting him into the cold ground, sister. That is the vessel that contained him. He, himself, is in a whole other dimension right now, and always will be. Pray for him. And ask God to strengthen you, ask for extraordinary grace. Allow your support people to actually help you. Make him proud of you. You're too young to remember Jackie Kennedy standing there when the riderless horse passed with her husband's casket behind it. Look for a picture online. This is the strength, the grace and the honor she gave him. You can do this.

Thank you for your advice. I'm trying to remind myself that I'm not putting my husband in a cold grave, but that it's just his body. It's not who he was. He was such a great person, and this is just a resting place for his body, close to his other family members. I'll write after the funeral. I've decided I'm going to write him a letter and leave it with him, to say all the things I wish I could have said when he was alive. I hope that gives me some sort of closure.

I think that's a beautiful gesture. You'll be in my thoughts.

diazepam and many of my husband's friends running "interference" for me. They made sure that I wasn't bombarded or encountered by anyone that would make me feel out of place. They were wonderful and then I was able to just go home and go to sleep for several days. It was the worst moment of my life other than the moment I found his body in the basement after he shot himself. Trust me, you can not go through some of these extremely hard times without medication (prescribed by a doctor) and some good friends. I wish you well.

Hi everyone,

I wanted to give you all an update on how I dealt with the funeral. It was so strange, I woke up feeling pretty numb to the situation. It wasn't until I actually got to the funeral and saw pictures of him everywhere that I got choked up. Then his casket arrived, and they took it into this room for a "family viewing" and it was the worst experience of my life. I've always been told "they will look so lifelike, just as if they were sleeping" but this was NOT that. His hands were grey and he couldn't have looked more...dead. It was so heartbreaking. I could barely look at him because it looked nothing like him. During the prayer, I had to stare at the picture of him on the program just to not stare at his face. It was extremely painful. When friends were invited to come into the room, I wanted to scream at them, "don't look at him! That isn't him!" And when they finally closed the casket, I felt relieved. I hated seeing him like that.

The ceremony was difficult, but it was nice to remember all the great moments we had together. The casket was kept closed at this point, so I calmed down significantly and was able to listen without crying too much. The night before, I wrote him a letter that said everything I wish I could have said to him now, and I thanked him for being such a big part of my life and for loving me so much. I left it with his body, tucked into his suit, before they closed the lid. It gave me some peace and closure to be able to at least do that.

The grave site dedication was hard too. When I saw him get lowered into the grave, I did start to cry because I was overwhelmed that this is the end for him. This is where he will rest forever. A year ago, I never would have thought we would be burying him. But I tried to be positive. The cemetery was beautiful. It was covered in big trees and wildlife, and it was very peaceful. He was buried next to his mother, and his brother, who he missed very much in life. It makes me happy that he'll always be with them now. I spent the rest of the day with friends, trying to stay positive. Of course, I'm trying not to think about him the way I saw him in the casket...they did not do a good job of making him look good. I don't want that image to haunt me so that I don't remember who he really was. But I think that will pass in time.

I know I will continue to grieve and struggle with coming to terms with what happened. There is some closure, now that the funeral is over. I have promised myself to bring flowers to his grave on his birthday in April. But nothing could have prepared me for how heart wrenching it would be to bury him...

i never went to mine, but i saw her body after she died and knew she was not where her body was. Even though not going to the funeral dosn't bother me in the slightest i have heard many people regret not going. Maybe the thought of the day is worse than the day itself. Your already surviving such intense pain that the funeral could hardly add to what is already a full load.
I hope you find peace xx

Thanks...I think the build up to the funeral was actually worse than the funeral itself. All in all, it was a good tribute to his life, and so many people came to show their support and respect. It was just proof that he touched so many people's lives. Thanks for your kind words.

It sounds like it went as well as can be expected. You held on to good memories, to his better images, and you allowed the people you care about to surround you. Well done.

I hope the journey of healing continues to bring you moments of gratitude and beauty. They really are there for us to see and feel if we choose to really look.

Hugs to you.