I am sorry for your loss. I lost my boyfriend to suicide 10 weeks ago just before his 25th birthday. You're right, her pain is gone and we are left to grieve. I always tell myself that he had a disease..undiagnosed depression that he never shared with me or anyone. Though I don't know your circumstances, your girl knew you loved her.

I believe they take that love with them. She knows.

Don't be ashamed of a lull in your emotions. Never be ashamed when you're not consumed with grief and sadness. Consider your calm as something she would want for you. And be prepared because more emotions are likely on the way.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Feeling "nothing" is normal at this stage of your experience. It has a name: dissociation, but basically it is about self preservation. This will pass. You will "feel". Find a grief counselor.

I loved reading the replies to this post. Actually helped me. I've found myself feeling something similar. When I'm not feeling anything, I feel bad. Like I should feel that empty, lonely depression everyday or all the time instead of randomly because I love my Mom. Thank you for your support to everyone that said something even though it wasn't my personal post. :)

Followup on my first comment: Oh my dear sister of the heart, I do hear you so loudly and I do know your pain very, very intimately.

You feel "nothing" because your mind is shielding you for now: it is nothing to be ashamed about. In fact it is healthy and normal. This will change. You will soon feel more than you want to feel. Those first few months after the death of my daughter...I would not relive them for all the money in the world or anything else. And I am still suffering, struggling to LIVE, because I died with her that day. It is almost three years, one very good psychiatrist, medication (most of which I no longer use), two therapists once a week each, and finally the therapist I continue to see: in these almost three years I have gone through hell. I have blamed myself. I have hated myself. I have been angry at my daughter. I have hated my daughter. I have wished myself dead every single day. Something is changing. Yesterday, January 6, I discovered: I WANT TO LIVE. There are places I want to see in the world, there is good I can do, there is something I can use from this horror to help others get through their own horror.

You will get to this place. Don't do it alone. Find a grief counselor; without mine, I most likely would not have survived. You are already blaming yourself for your "lack of feeling". Intellectually, you must know this is not rational, but emotions ARE NOT rational. There is more to come, but you will survive, you will grow from this, you will become a source of strength for others. I will pray for you.

Thank you all for the posts