If he was angry and resorted to suicide, there was a definite mental instability going on with him, and your safety is important.

I don't think you could have saved him or fixed that. I'm so sorry for your grief. You certainly could never have known this would happen. Be kind to you.

I found that people always said things like that to me after my brother committed suicide. I think that people just say what they think will help you deal with this and it just ends up hurting you. That has been my experience. You can't blame yourself for this any more than I can blame myself for my brother's death. It was a choice my brother made and even though I don't agree with it and he always said he would never do it, there is no way I could have helped him to not do it any more than you could have helped your neighbour.

I know this: this man was your neighbor. He appears to have been suffering a psychotic episode. He pounded on your door. Very few people in this day and age would have let him in. You have no idea what this man was capable of doing, the state of mind he was in. Suppose you had let him in? Are you a psychiatrist? Are you a therapist? Could you have even discerned the incredible mental instability he was experiencing? I know I couldn't discern this the day my daughter took her life and I was HER MOTHER.

STOP. You are not to blame. You have no responsibility. This is a "normal" reaction to a shocking and horrific personal experience. The most you could have done was call the cops to check on him (a wellness check) and I can tell you that the cops can be very dangerous in such a situation. Find short term counseling and help yourself through this.

I, too, lost my son to suicide 4 years ago. It's so difficult for anyone to understand and because of this they will say things just to say things not thinking through what impact this may have on you. I don't believe your friend would have hurt you, he was reaching out to you. I know it's really hard to ignore what others are saying but only you really know; trust your gut instinct. Join a support group for suicide victims and pray to the Lord! It really helps, I pray to my son every night asking him to guide me and he does. I believe there is no way you could have known, anymore than me.

This is an insensitive question, and I pre-apologize. Have you thought about what made you not answer the door both in the moment and in hindsight? Is this the source of your guilt or is it the fact that everyone sees him for something you never saw in him (people are imagining something he wasn't and you feel bad for them not knowing him for the way you did)? I know these questions can be very upsetting, but maybe if you understand your guilt, you can let go some of the what-ifs. After all, there are what-ifs in any situation. Even if you let him in, he could have been all rainbows showing no signs of what he was planning, he could have been in a dark place that could lead to any number of potential situations, and/or he could have been there to say good-bye. What-ifs are hard, especially with suicide. He made the decision and there was no changing it because he already made up his mind.

Thank you all for your replies. Here it is 3 months after the suicide and I still wrestle with these feelings of guilt. I do, however, feel I am making progress as I journey through my grief. I am reading The Grief Therapy Handbook which comes highly recommended. I have only just started it though. I also just now finally got into therapy. My therapist said to me that when I was feeling uncomfortable around my neighbor/friend (the one who committed suicide) and subsequently avoided him that day he came knocking on my door, that it was my conscious telling me something wasn't right with the whole situation. I have also learned that I cannot look back, I cannot stay here (in this grief), that I need to move forward. I miss my friend and always will. I wish I had done things differently, but I cannot change the past. What I can change is my future.

Adlk - sounds like you are moving forward! This is amazing, and I hope you continue to move forward! Hugs to you, and if you ever want/need to talk or share how you continue to move forward I know I would love to hear from you!

Guilt can eat you up if you let it.With my brother I loss 7 years ago I have blamed myself several times.I have relived that night probably a hundred times.I been told it is normal to feel guilt when you lose someone you care for or love to suicide.I am glad you are finding some coping skills such as therapy and reading.I might also suggest not saying even right now but eventually you may want to write a letter to your neighbor in order to get your feelings out.To some this may sound stupid.But it has helped me sense losing my brother I have written two letters to him .One was right after his death and a recent one just this last year.I keep them and reread them and share them with some one I can trust who talks to me about what I have written.This may not be for you but its a suggestion.Take care and be well.Hugss.Jerrie

Thank you Wolfdream. I am sorry you lost your brother in this way. I too lost a brother to suicide several years ago. I believe when I then lost my neighbor recently it dredged up a lot from that loss. Writing is a very good idea. I do plan on doing that someday. I do talk to him. That may sound strange but right now that is what helps me. Here is something I was told that might also help you (if I can remember it right). It's about us feeling guilty. Guilt is what one should feel when you did something to intentionally cause harm to another. I never did anything to intentionally harm my neighbor and I know you never did anything to harm your brother. I have to remind myself of this very often when I am having bad moments. I have good days as well as not so good days. I have faith I will go through this journey and come out with a better understanding of maybe why some people just can't fight the battle anymore. I think of my neighbor everyday and his memory reminds me how prescious life is. God bless you.

My father killed himself and i have come to realize that he wasn't happy. when someone has come to the conclusion that they are going to do it,then they are going to. I know everyone says you couldn't have done anything and that it wasn't your fault and yes they are right but that does not help the pain go away. you will slowly start to realize that he wasn't happy but you didn't know that, i promise the guilt wont stat